22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

The next morning a soft knock at her chamber door drew Lizzy out of her reverie. After a moment, Charlotte slipped inside and joined Lizzy at the window seat. They sat quietly together for several minutes.

"Are you well, Lizzy?" Charlotte kept her eyes on the garden view. "I have never known you to have such headaches before. You left so abruptly, I worried for you."

"I am well." Lizzy turned to look at her. "Please do not worry on my account."

"But your headache— should I call the apothecary?"

"There is no need. It has passed."

"I have never known you to lie to me before." She placed her hand on Elizabeth's arm. "I am sorry he spoke of your father that way."

"You said nothing wrong. You have nothing to be apologizing for." Lizzy looked out the window to watch Collins trundling down the path toward Rosings. She gritted her teeth and exhaled heavily.

"But you feel he does."

"I have heard his opinion before; he has said nothing new." She pushed herself off the cushion and wandered along the wall. "It is a good thing that he was not japaned1 when my father had his accident. Had we been visited by spiritual counsel of his variety, I fear all hope would have been lost. We were indeed fortunate to have a vicar cut of a very different cloth, one who reminded us of the blessings we had and who instilled in us the hope of the Almighty's goodness." She turned back to Charlotte, tears brimming. "When Mr. Collins visited Longbourn, he was kind enough to remind my father that a constant state of repentance was an appropriate attitude for one such as himself. The the accident that caused his unenviable state was proof of the Almighty's hand against him. That he had been granted life should be a daily reminder of the Lord's patience, and he should endeavor never ever to try it again. He opined that whatever my father had done to cause the Lord to smite him must have been truly wicked indeed and my dear cousin promised to continue to pray for his eternal soul." Her voice was thin and tense.

"Mr. Collins has stated that belief to me as well. But you must understand, it is not his view alone. There are many who would share that intelligence."

The knot in Lizzy's belly grew tighter. "Do you?"

"That is of little matter—" Charlotte rose and stepped toward her.

"You did not answer my question. Do you share that belief?" She stepped back, her back against the wall.

"You know I do not. But that is not something which I can freely say in my husband's hearing." She clasped her hands before her and stared down at them.

Lizzy snorted. "Forgive me, Charlotte, but it seems there is a great deal that you cannot say in your husband's presence."

"I know you do not understand." She rose and paced along the side of the bed. "You need not be concerned about the butcher. Lady Catherine has disapproved of my selections before and I dare say she has generally been correct. I am still becoming accustomed to the correct amounts to order." She blushed as she looked at the floor. "I see what you are feeling; you must be surprised, very much surprised. You cannot understand why I would tolerate his opinions and his piques. But when you have had time to think it all over, I hope you will be satisfied with what I have done. I am not romantic, you know. I never was. I am convinced that my chance of happiness with him is as fair as most people can boast on entering the marriage state.''

Bitterness rose in Lizzy's throat, she tried to swallow it back, but she could not erase the taste. "Are you happy, Charlotte?"

After a long silence, Charlotte replied, "No, I am not."

Silence, a smothering woolen blanket, enfolded them both, itching and prickling against their skin. Lizzy moved to sit on the bed, trying to escape its embrace.

Charlotte sat beside Lizzy again. "You must realize, I never expected to be either. I am not less happy here than I was under my father's roof with my mother and sister constantly reminding me of what an old tabby I had become. At least here I am afforded the respect of a married woman. I am able to manage my own household as I see fit."

"In so far as Lady Catherine allows it." She rolled her eyes with a soft huff.

"I can tell that you resent her intrusions. I am not surprised that you would, given how you are used to being mistress of Longbourn and running things to your own satisfaction. It is true, Lizzy, do not argue with me."

Lizzy sighed and nodded.

"But I have never been allowed to make a decision for myself before. I find it quite refreshing. Moreover, to be entirely truthful, Lady Catherine is a font of knowledge. For as much as her advice may be unwanted and even at times unwelcome, she is usually correct in what she says. Truly I have learned more from her than I ever did from my mother on anything."

"You sound so much like Jane, always wishing to see the good in everyone. I myself cannot see it, for from my perspective she is naught but a grumpy old hen, pecking on each one lower than her in the henhouse."

"You are still describing people that way?" Charlotte laughed. "I do not know why I would think you might have given that up. You know that is going to bring you to trouble one day. While I did not mind your calling me a partridge, and even found it complimentary in an odd sort of way, I am quite certain that not everyone will respond so graciously to your habit."

"I am sure you are correct, but I have long done this for my father, and I find it is difficult for me to stop." Mr. Darcy did not seem too disturbed…he clearly knows . Her face grew hot.

"I can see that you have been caught in your harmless little entertainment, though. I will not ask; you seem convicted enough." She patted Elizabeth's arm. "Do not judge Lady Catherine too quickly or too harshly. There are reasons enough why she is so…helpful…to us all. I think once you meet her and her daughter, you will better understand. In fact, I think you might even become sympathetic." Charlotte rose. "Please, Lizzy, do not be troubled on my behalf, I am indeed quite content. I know you do not understand it, and I do not expect you to, but believe it for my sake." Charlotte quietly slipped out of the room.

Lizzy stared out the window, pulling her shawl more tightly around her. No fire had yet been lit and somehow she did not expect the "humility" of her surrounds would result in a fire anytime soon. She sighed and shuddered. She says she is content. I should not judge her. Her home was so different to mine…as was her dowry, what there was of it. She is right; we are very different, but I am certain, quite certain, that I could not be content in such a life. Frustration exploding, she rose and paced in front of the empty fireplace. I could not live with someone looking over my shoulder, questioning my decisions. The gall of that woman to cancel Charlotte's order! The nerve of her! I would not tolerate…my father would not accept…but would Mr. Darcy? Surely he would never expect me to suffer such…would he?

She scowled and paced a little faster. I know he is an involved master. He knows every detail that goes on under his roof. Does he meet with his housekeeper each week, going over her menus and her orders from the shops? Would he cancel her orders and…is that what husbands do? I know Papa never behaved thus, but I can hardly think that his situation would extend beyond our home. What does the marriage state look like? I hardly know what to think anymore.

Charlotte has told me of her parents' quarrels, and I have heard Uncle and Aunt Philips often enough. Is that what I should expect? That is certainly not what I want. No, I will not have it. If that is what Mr. Darcy expects of me, then our understanding will be at an end, for I shall not live like that.

No I shall not. I will not have it!

She hugged her waist trying to contain the welling despair. How am I to know what you expect? If only I were still at Longbourn and could write to under the guise of father's letters! But I cannot! How am I to wait to find out?

About the middle of the day, as Elizabeth was in her room getting ready for a walk, a sudden noise in the drive outside whipped the household into confusion. After listening a moment, she heard somebody running up stairs in a violent hurry, calling loudly after her. She opened the door, and met Maria in the landing.

"Oh, my, Lizzy! Pray make haste and come downstairs, for there is such a sight to be seen! I will not tell you what it is. Make haste and come down this moment.'' Without another word, she dashed back down the stairs, leaving Lizzy little choice but to follow.

She caught up with Maria in the dining-room, which fronted the drive, and saw two ladies in a low phaeton stopped at the garden gate. "And is this all?'' Lizzy laughed. "I expected at least that the pigs were got into the garden, and here is nothing but Lady Catherine and her daughter!"

"La!'' said Maria. "It is not Lady Catherine. The old lady is Mrs. Jenkinson, who lives with them. The other is Miss De Bourgh. Only look at her! She is quite a little creature. Who would have thought she would be so frail looking!"

"How can you tell, she keeps her face turned down as though she did not wish to see us! She is abominably rude to keep Charlotte out of doors in all this wind. Why does she not come in?''

"Charlotte says she hardly ever does. It is the greatest of favours when Miss De Bourgh comes in."

Mr. Collins and Charlotte both stood at the gate in conversation with the ladies; and Sir William, to Elizabeth's high diversion, was stationed in the doorway, in earnest contemplation of the greatness before him.

"Do you not think it strange," Lizzy said, "that Miss De Bourgh does not even look this way? Despite her rank and station, I believe it quite impolite not to even offer her notice to your father standing there as he does."

"I am convinced he does not mind. He was certainly not prepared for an introduction today. I heard him rehearsing a small speech he intends to make when his is first introduced. I believe Mr. Collins suggested that to him." She tittered behind her hand.

"I can believe that." Lizzy watched as Charlotte stepped closer to Miss De Bourgh, who leaned down toward her. The brim of Miss De Bourgh's large bonnet blew back slightly in the brisk breeze, momentarily revealing her face. That expression looks so familiar. No, I must be imagining. She shook her head and drew the curtain back into position. "Come away from the window, Maria; we should not be seen gawking, even at our betters."

Several moments later, Collins and the others reentered the house. The front door, caught by gust of wind, slammed shut. "So now you have seen the grandeur of my patroness and her civility towards myself and my wife. I do not know how to admire enough her great condescension that she would come so soon to call." He led them into the parlor and rang for tea. "I confess," said he, "that I should not have been at all surprised by her ladyship's asking us on Sunday to drink tea and spend the evening at Rosings. I rather expected, from my knowledge of her affability that it would happen. But who could have foreseen such an attention as this? Who could have imagined that our entire party should receive an invitation to dine there? And so immediately after your arrival!"

"I am the less surprised at what has happened," replied Sir William, "from that knowledge of what the manners of the great really are, which my situation in life has allowed me to acquire. About the Court, such instances of elegant breeding are not uncommon."

"I should think not." Collins, shifted uncomfortable.

"Papa," Charlotte glanced at her husband, color rising in her cheeks. "It would be best if you do not speak of Court while we are at Rosings."

"Why ever not? I should think that Lady Catherine would be most pleased to speak of an experience she cannot have in common with many of her circle here."

"Miss De Bourgh has not been presented at court." Collins turned to the housekeeper who had just appeared at the door and waved her to place her tray and leave.

"Her health, you see," Charlotte began to serve tea.

"Her constitution is most fragile. She is a most delicate flower." Collins rattled his teacup as he took it from Charlotte's hands. "Mrs. Collins!"

She handed him a linen napkin and kept her eye on the tea service. "She was not born sickly, you must understand, but was stricken with scarlet fever…"

Collins nearly dropped his saucer on the table. "The details of her condition are not to be discussed!" His eyes bulged and face turned red as he leaned forward. "Lady Catherine is quite adamant in that point, and I will not have those in my household insult her in any way. The thorn of the flesh which she must bear is not an appropriate topic of discussion."

"Do not worry yourself, sir." Sir William kept on eye on Collins, and Charlotte handed him his tea. "I am quite certain that no one here has any intention of saying anything to displease your patroness." He glanced at Maria who nodded vigorously, her eyes wide.

Collins turned his glare upon Lizzy. "I am quite assured of your discretion, Sir William. There are however those among us who are much more free with their tongue than befits their station and situation."

Lizzy's fingers curled around the fabric of her skirt, crushing it as her nails dug into her palms.

"You will of course, Cousin, be mindful of both and not forget your place." Collins leaned back slightly, crossing one leg over the other.

Eyes narrowed, she replied, "Exactly what do you believe my place to be?"

Charlotte jumped slightly. "He means to say—"

"You will find no fault in my deportment, sir." She rose and smoothed her skirts. "You will excuse me; I find I have a dreadful headache." Not waiting to be acknowledged, she hurried away, stopping only to gather her bonnet and spencer on the way out the door.

"You must speak to her, Mrs. Collins." Collins retrieved a biscuit and pushed it into his mouth. Chewing noisily, crumbs spraying, he said, "I will not have her disturb Lady Catherine or embarrass me. If she cannot mind the simple requirements I have given her, it would be best that she does not accompany us."

Charlotte's lower jaw jutted forward as she bit her upper lip hard. Blinking hard, she turned to him. "You do not have anything to fear for my friend's behavior. I am quite certain Miss De Bourgh will get on famously with her, and as you know, anyone who pleases Miss De Bourgh is a favorite of Lady Catherine."

Lizzy tied her bonnet hastily, nearly strangling herself with the knots. She tried several times to button her spencer, misaligning the buttons and holes several times before she finally had to stop to get it fastened properly. Grumbling under her breath she tugged her pelisse straight and turned sharply to walk directly into an unexpected person. "Oh!" She staggered back.

A strong hand grabbed her upper arm, keeping her from falling. "Pray excuse me, madam," the stocky man said as he bowed, removing his wide brimmed hat.

"Please forgive me, sir. I was not attending my direction." She curtsied awkwardly, still a bit off balance.

He chuckled, smoothing back his silver hair and settling his hat back in place. "In awe of the wonders of Rosings Park?" His green eyes twinkled merrily.

Lizzy gasped and stared wide-eyed.

Though his lips were clamped together, a grin forced its way through. "Would you perhaps be a part of the company staying at the parsonage? Mr. Collins's cousin, mayhaps?"

Unsure of what to make of this peculiar fellow, she merely nodded.

Doffing his hand again, he bowed deeply. "Pleased to make you acquaintance, madam. Mr. Clark at your service. I am your cousin's humble curate."

"A pleasure to make you acquaintance." Her throat felt packed with cotton wool, her voice strained. "I had no idea he had a curate in his employ."

"I was just on my way to call upon the parsonage. May I escort you that way?"

She retreated a small step. "Thank you, no, sir, I have only just come from there."

"Taking a turn around the grounds then?"

She licked her lips and nodded.

"Would you permit me to show you around?" He offered her his arm.

Peering at him, a small smile crept across face. He is a roe deer, a chevreuil, complete with that funny little mustache, an unassuming creature hiding here in the woods. "Should I understand that Lady Catherine does not approve of ladies going about unescorted, especially if they have not been properly introduced to their escort?"

"Quite correct." He dipped his head. "But even in a place as lovely as Rosings Park, there are opportunities for dangers to be lurking to unsuspecting young ladies like yourself. One cannot be too careful, even when on a friendly estate."

"She has spies in these woods who would report me to her ladyship?" She drummed her gloved fingers along her other arm.

His eyes lost their sparkle and creases appeared around his lips. "I am afraid that is more true than you know." He shuffled a bit, looking down at his feet. Glancing over his shoulder, he dropped his voice saying, "Many curry her ladyship's favor by reporting on those who do not adhere to her directives. Such gossip is a powerful force in a place such as Rosings. Please allow me to walk with you. I know many of the most interesting sports in the park. A good number of them are nearby."

She watched him wring his hands, her belly knotting with his tension. "Thank you sir, I would appreciate your company."

He offered his arm again, relief in his eyes. "You are a great admirer of nature, madam?"

"I find it a great source of comfort, sir."

For the next half hour, he narrated a tour of the grounds around the parsonage and churchyard. In spite of her growing unease, Lizzy enjoyed the anecdotes he shared. "You must take the opportunity to become acquainted with Sir William Lucas. He has quite as many tales of Meryton and Herdfordshire as you do of Rosings Park."

"I am glad to know I have pleased you. Begging your pardon, but you looked quite troubled when I first saw you."

She played with her bonnet strings. "I have not been to Kent before. It is more different from my home than I had imagined."

"Do not judge us all too quickly, though I understand the temptation to do so. While you may find this parish different and some of it denizens difficult," the corner of his lips lifted in a half smile, "there is good here, too. I am certain a clever girl like you will be able to find it." He knocked on the parsonage door.

1 Japanned: ordained, to put on black, the color of japanware.