Chapter 14 - This Is Killing Me Right Now

Eric's POV:

“Just a reality anchor?” I mock Justin when I hear her saying she loves Don which has sent a sword into my heart.

“She said not the way he wants. Meaning, she doesn’t love him like a man. It was just a voice she needed to hear to get back to her senses. Come on, Eric! You’re a smart person! Nothing gets past you! Why are you so weak-minded right now? Read between the lines, will you?”

“I’m in a parking lot at some supermarket. Don’t worry. I have my sanity back. I have to thank you for that. After the race tonight, I promise I’ll personally make you lunch tomorrow as a thank you. I’ll prepare your favorite. See you tonight! Love you!” She ends the call.

“She’s making him lunch tomorrow. His favorite…” I’m out of my mind. I can’t think straight. I just picture myself killing Don. From my sworn brother, he’s now a target on a wall…

“Eric. They have history together. She didn’t sleep with him. They are friends. They’ve probably done this many times before. Don’t get jealous over this. Actually, I have never seen you jealous before on anything. That’s a first.” He smirks at me.

“Jealous? I’m over that. I’m at assassin point. That’s the newest thing. Never felt that before because of a woman.” I would kill Don if he were in front of me. I’m so heartbroken that my mind is overrun by instincts.

She takes a picture of the supermarket and starts writing something. I don’t want to know what. I should be the one receiving her calls and messages. She starts the car and Rick follows her. I’m in a state of a psychopath. And I always have my sanity.

She parks in front of a building having the tag “Dutchmond Constructions & Real Estate” among others. It’s her office.

“She goes to work now? Wow! She’s destined to someone like you. With all you lead, you need such a woman at your side. When you think she breaks down, she immediately comes back and gets shit done. She’s either crazy or a phoenix.” Justin comments while I motion him to send me footage from inside. We can’t go in without her finding out. “Coming right up. Sent. You can see her now. Tap the link.”

I see her inside and going into her office. There’s Don, waiting for her. “Is he kidding me right now? He’s like a leech!” I yell at my phone.

“He loves her. If he’s a leech, knowing her for so long, what does that make you from only a few hours?” Justin is only putting salt on my bleeding wounds.

“Shut the fuck up!” I growl but he smirks. I’ve just added Justin to my killing list that I’ll deal with later.

“Sit.” Don tells her with a mad man look and she obeys.

Perfect. You didn’t sit when I told you to. But you listen to him. Wait till I’ll have my hands on you. I’ll torture you until you’ll submit to me.

“Do you know how much I care for you?” He’s on her desk’s chair and she’s in front of her own chair, sitting.

This is killing me right now.

“I know, Don. I’m sorry. I lost it for a second. I usually keep it inside. I don’t know what happened.” She replies with such a submissive stance.

“I can’t watch this anymore! It’s like she’s cheating on me!” But I can’t let my phone down and my eyes go back on the screen. I think I’m a masochist, too.

“Selena!” He stands up and goes to her. He grabs her from the chair and takes her into his arms. “You kill me!” He tightens his arms around her. She accepts him.

Prepare your funerals, you’re both going down.

My heart can’t take it anymore. I can’t explain it. It’s like I’ve found out my wife of years is cheating on me with my sworn brother. Am I crazy? You bet. I am at this moment. Since I met this woman, all my life before disappeared, and now she’s the center of it.

Everything she does or feels have such effects on me that I can’t control, understand or prevent. It’s just instinctive. She’s mine and someone else is taking her away from me. I’m pained, I’m hysterical, I’m mad, I’m nothing like my usual self, in a given situation. I can’t give reasons of this change in me. It’s just happened since the moment she opened that door and entered for the presentation. That’s the moment when what you see at me, has nothing to do with who I was before that.

“She’s not cheating, Eric.” Justin replies.

“I said shut the fuck up if you don’t want me to snap your neck!” He shuts it.

“I’m sorry… I’m human, too. I have weaknesses, too, you know?”

I can’t hear it. She’s his now.

“Stop saying sorry. I’m not mad for what you said, I’m mad for I thought I would lose you. If there is anyone in this world that would break me, that’s you. Don’t play with my heart, Selena. It’s half broken since five years ago. Don’t kill the remaining half.” He says, keeping her tight in his arms. I feel as if I have a million worms in my head.

“I know. I’m OK. You won’t escape me. I would come back and haunt you, if I’ll ever die of natural causes.” They sweetly laugh.

The worms have just had an atomic bomb explosion in my head. She wants to retract from the embrace that has me thinking how to start murdering Don, in excruciating pains. He doesn’t stop.

“Don? That’s enough. Limits.”

Finally.

“I don’t want to.”

You’re dead, if you don’t want to.

“It feels really good.”

I know it will feel good when your blood will be on my hands. I told you that’s my woman, and you’re still fooling around, touching what is clearly mine. You have no fucking respect! I’ll see to that. Sworn brother? You’ve just showed your true colors.

“Don! I can’t breathe! I’ll kick your ass!” She pushes him away. That helps me regain some sanity. “Really? Don’t take advantage of my state. I love you, but not like that. Don’t cross the line. Please. You’re the only one I have.”

When she says ‘I love you’ to him, I cringe. I have daggers cutting my heart and I’m boiling inside. I don’t even hear what she says after ‘I love you’. I just get blocked on that. It badly stirs me up.

“Why can’t you accept me as a man? Just tell me. I would do anything you want me to. You know that.”

Because she’s mine, asshole! She’s my fate! Not yours! What you would do, I’ve already done!

She brushes her face with her right hand and closes her eyes. She sighs and looks back at him. Her expression, that I can’t explain in words, has something on her that draws my attention and shuts my thinking.

“Don. I don’t need you to do what I want. I’m not taking advantage of you or your feelings. It’s not that is something wrong with you that I don’t accept you as a man. It’s just I don’t feel it. I don’t know how to explain it. I have no feelings for anything. I’m so soiled with problems. I don’t get to sleep very much. I have insomnia. I have no vacation for the last ten years. I have high blood sugar levels. All these don’t let me feel anything for any man. Since I caught my dad cheating…”

I can’t think anything. She stops with another expression that shows how hurt she is. Again, my heart reacts on her own at her, as if it has its own mind.

“I wouldn’t do that to you. Trust me.” He makes a step towards her.

You wouldn’t? Then why have you fucked till now? If she doesn’t know, I do!

“Shut up, Don! I’m sure he said same thing to mom, and he did what he did! I would never marry or be with a man! I don’t trust any of you! If there is something in my life that I can still control, and have a choice over, is my personal life! And I say fucking NO to that! I have enough life complications to willingly accept that, too! That’s final! I thank God that I’m iced and not a stupid one to feel or believe in fake love! When you love, you don’t go and fuck around just because you have testosterone!” She’s raging.

I love you, Selena. I now understand. You’ll marry. To me. Not willingly, but I have no choice. It will be hard on you, I get that. But I can’t lose you. You will have to forgive me for this.

“Selena. Please. Don’t put all men in same category. We aren’t all like that.”

You’re right on that, but not you included. You’re like her dad. I know you too well. You love her for the last five years as a revelation after her near-death experience, but you’ve had countless women. You know about her situation for years, yet you haven’t done anything. If you truly love someone, you take care of things so that you give a peace of mind to the one you love, as long as you have the means to do it. And you have the means. Three million dollars is not a big deal for you. You allow her to participate in a deadly race for merely five hundred thousand dollars, but you don’t want to lose her. Whereas I, in a few hours after meeting her, drive around her like crazy, pay her loans, go mad when she cries, want to solve her problems, decide I want to marry her and have only her in my life. If any woman I would previously choose to fuck, crosses my path, I wouldn’t see her. She wouldn’t be a woman in front of me. Just a person. No matter how appealing that woman would be. You did nothing. But you screwed around, knowing how much she suffers. You don’t deserve her.

“Well, I’m stubborn. My mind is made up. No one can change that. I have nothing against men, but I don’t want to suffer. To involve feelings, to put your heart and all into someone, and be trashed. No, thank you. I’m good. Oh! I’m so fucking good right now.” She goes to her chair and sits at her desk. She keeps her head on her hands and looks at the desk. “I want to be alone. Please. Thank you for everything. I appreciate your feelings. But you’re wasting them on me. It’s not fair for you. I love you, but I can’t love you more. Please understand.”

If she says ‘I love you’ to him, one more time, I snap.

“Are you into a relationship with someone else?”

He’s referring to me.

“No. Why?”

You are… You just don’t know it yet.

“Just asking.”

What is he doing?

“I will never give up on you.”

Yes, you will. I’ll make sure of that.

“You will love and accept me.”

No, she won’t.

“What the fuck?!” I thunder, getting down from the car. “He kissed her!” I hear her irritated voice calling his name. “If I’ve barely held it in at that hug, for this, I’ll smash him!”

“Eric!” Justin and Rick are following me, attempting to hold me back, but they fail.

I walk to the main entrance, waiting for Don. He’s got it coming.

YOU SON OF A FUCKING BITCH!