Ellendria
This is a fantastic, hilarious, and just all around awesome read that you should definitely give a try. A really great and funny main character and an awesome cast of supporting characters. I honestly don’t think you’re regret giving this book a try, at the very least try the first chapter to see how you feel about it, and you won’t be disappointed.
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this is a very good novel please continue to post more chapters in the future. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
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I read the first chapter and I think this story has potential, but it has some problems. The paragraphs are large which makes the reading become tiresome and in my opinion for the first chapter the story evolved rather quickly and the rest was simply showing that he could conquer any woman. I will continue to follow, I hope for the next chapters.
Vampire premise is interesting and different. I'm not sure how I feel about also adding a full dive video game aspect to it though. I'd rather one or the other, but it's just a personal preference. A few too many characters introduced who don't seem to have much relevance to the story or real originality that distinguishes them from any others that could be swapped in for them. The MC is rather funny at parts, but I feel like he's lacking some depth to his personality. His reactions and thinking seem somewhat surface level, and he's just doing things as events come to him. Maybe we'll get more of his backstory and deep/real reason for his motivations later. This impression is just to chapter 14. But most importantly on a reading fluidity aspect, there are a lot of blocks of text. There isn't enough paragraphing, especially with the dialogue where each time a person speaks, it should be a new paragraph. These blocks of text are long enough that it even bothers me reading on a computer, so for mobile, it's especially disgruntling. Besides that, the pace and rpg elements are nice, and the writing doesn't have many blunders in terms of grammar and such. Good job so far!