Chapter 18

I didn't want to go back at first. I wasn't exactly quiet and shifters have very good hearing. I was fairly certain that this point anyone inside the pack house heard me. Maybe it was better off this way? Maybe it was a good thing that everyone heard me and I didn't have to see their faces. I really didn't like the idea of having to tell them anyway.

I couldn't say how long I was in the meadow but the sun had started to set and my stomach was growling so I finally went back to the pack house. I was expecting someone to be sitting on the front porch waiting for me but it was empty. When I opened the front door I could hear voices in the kitchen. They weren't exactly happy voices.

"What do you mean I have to just let it go for right now Colleen? Did you not hear what she said in your session. I swear if we ever discover who that disgusting person is I will…" All of a sudden his voice trailed off.

"Welcome back Emmry." Colleen's voice called out. I'm guessing they caught my scent finally or heard me walking. I went into the kitchen and sighed.

"I'm sorry for running away." I said staring at my shoes.

"Everyone deals with trauma in their own way." Colleen said. "I'm sure your starving we have some food here for you and I was just leaving. I think you and your father should talk. It'll be good for the two of you. You don't have to do this on your own Emmry. You have a family." Colleen placed her hand on my shoulder and smiled when I flinched only the tiniest bit before heading out of the house.

Talk with my dad? I was surly hoping she wasn't wanting me to discuss my attack with him. He looked angry enough. I didn't want to make that worse.

"Come on honey I'll heat up your food." He said quietly. He was different, a subdued version of himself or at least the self I'd grown to know.

I took a deep breath and sat at the kitchen table. "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked him bringing up all courage I could.

"Yes and no." He answered not looking back at me. "I have questions but most of them I am not sure I want to know the answer to or if I did know the answer I'd be able to control myself and not scare you. I'm sure you know this by now but Emmry you mean the world to me. You're part of me. You're my child." My dad looked back at me and gave a sad smile.

"Well I…it's hard for me…Mom didn't take it well…I just don't want to cause you damage like I caused her." I have never really admitted out loud how terrible I felt for what my attack did to my mom.

"It was around that time that she stopped responding to me in person. I knew something was wrong. I am so sorry I wasn't there for you. If I had known Emmry you have to know that I would have protected you.. I would have done something." His hands were gripping the plate and I thought it was going to shatter but instead he placed it gently in front of me.

"I know Dad. I don't...it's not your fault you know. You couldn't have stopped it from happening." I said quietly grabbing a fork and starting to eat.

"So the scars go from your collar bone to your…legs?" He asked pouring himself a drink.

"Well they go to about my hip and then the ones on my legs are different but they faded pretty well. The ones on my stomach and chest…and hips they didn't fade. They're different." I hadn't realized I was rubbing them until I saw my dad's eyes on me.

"I'm sorry you have to carry those…and the emotional scars too. It's not fair. You didn't do anything to deserve it." My dad sighed and reached out to touch my hand.

I didn't pull it away. I was determined to not make him feel guilty. He didn't cause me to turn out this way. I needed to try and stop being scared of everyone. I could tell it made him feel happier when he placed his hand over mine and I didn't pull away.

"It will never happen to you again. I promise." He said it with such conviction that I wanted to believe him.

���I know you believe that." I said and squeezed his hand. "Do you have any other questions before…I go to bed?"

"The notes…you kept saying not again. You received the notes before?" He asked me.

"Hold on. I'll be right back." I went upstairs to my room. In one of the only bags I brought with me was a folder. I grabbed it and brought it downstairs. I placed it on the table in front of my dad.

"Here." I opened the folder and started laying out the pieces of paper.

"Emmry….." My father's eyes started to turn dark once again.

"They started a week after the attack. We hadn't moved yet. Mom was trying to decide what to do."

I pointed to the oldest piece of paper. My father picked it up I could have read it outloud to him by memory.

Emmry, you're so beautiful. I will think about our first forever. So glad you're mine.

"You received this a week after?" I could tell he was starting to struggle with his anger.

I nodded. "Yes. That was when mom decided we should move. So we did…it had been I don't know 3..4 months… and then I got the next one."

I pointed to the next paper I had laid out.

I hope I didn't scare you my love. Do you like your new home better? See you soon.

"I didn't tell Mom at first. I got another one a month later asking me about school. I finally showed her and we moved again. No matter where we went within a few weeks of being there or even a month I would get another letter…and flower. Until we lived with the Keystone Pack. I never got a letter while I lived there."

"Can I keep these….for now?" My dad asked leafing through each of the notes.

"If you want…I should have thrown them away a long time ago." I sighed and shook my head.

"Thank you dad…I think I'm going to go to bed. I'm very tired." I got up and placed my hand on the top of his head. I had seen people interacting with their father's but I wasn't sure I would be able to show the same amount of affection… I hope he understood what I was trying to do.

"Good night Emmry. I love you." He smiled and placed his hand on top of mine before letting me go. I nodded and headed upstairs to sleep. At least I would try to sleep. I was praying the nightmares would stay away.