Chapter 17

*Trigger Warning: Mention of sexual assault *

I stood outside of my father's office door. It had been over a week since Dr. Colleen had arrived. I went every day and talked. That's all we did. We sat there and talked…well I did a lot of the talking now. The first few days she did a lot of the talking. She asked me questions and follow up questions. Mostly about my childhood and things that I could remember about my mom. She had me write a letter to her. Find a way to have some form of closure.

I had a feeling that…she had pretty much asked everything but what happened to you, today was going to be the day. I spent time before each session trying to prepare myself to tell her and each time I didn't have to. I didn't think I was going to be as lucky today. I opened up the door and walked in heading to my dad's chair.

"Hi Colleen." I smiled a little and settled in.

"Ahhh Emmry. Right on time." She was standing by the window. I was constantly confused by her. She didn��t look like any shifter I had ever seen before.

"Colleen. I want to ask you something." I said taking a deep breath.

"Of course Emmry anything." She smiled at me and came to sit in the chair across from me.

"Are you a shifter?" I finally asked. Colleen smiled bigger and started to laugh. Now I was really confused. What did I do to make her laugh? I spent every day with this lady and she has never laughed like this before…granted the topics we talked about weren't always laughable but still.

"Well. No Emmry I suppose you'd say I am not." She told me after her laughing fit.

"Then what are you?" I couldn't stop myself from asking.

"Well my kind has many names. Mage…magical…witch…all of those would I guess apply. I usually like to call myself mystical. I think it has a nice ring to it." She winked and grabbed her note pad. "But sadly I cannot do magic like what you're most likely thinking of. I don't make potions in a cauldron and I don't chant spells."

"Then…what are your…powers?" I asked. What the heck kind of witch was she?

"Well I have two main abilities. One I'm an empath. I feel emotions. Two I can do minor healing...hence why I became a doctor. Pretty good one two combo."

"You can feel emotions…from…other people?" I was starting to panic. She can feel emotions? She knows how everyone is feeling? Is that like mind reading? Does she know what I'm feeling?

"Emmry. It's okay. Yes, I feel others emotions and I also on occasion push emotions. Did you not notice how you felt calmer when we were together and for a short while after?" Colleen tilted her head at me.

"Yes…I just though talking about it made me feel better…" I frowned. Maybe I was wrong about this whole thing.

"Well that's part of it. I can't completely control your emotions dear. I can only push suggestions. Your brain does the rest." Colleen tapped her pencil against her notepad. "Enough about me. Why don't we get back to you?"

I groaned and leaned back into the chair. "It's always about me."

"Well dear you are the shifter in the room that cannot shift and you want to know why." Colleen gave me a look.

"Alright. Alright fine." I sighed and looked over at her.

"Lovely." She flipped through her notebook and then sighed. "Today I want to talk about your attacks. You've mentioned them briefly but you still haven't told me what happened."

She didn't even look up from her pages. I knew it! I knew she was going to finally ask me about it.

"It's very hard to talk about." I said picking at my nails.

"Well why don't you walk me through the first one. You mentioned you talked to your cousin about that one." Colleen suggested. So I walked her through it. She never flinched or even seemed to have any sign of pitying me. By the time I had finished I didn't feel upset and I guess I had to thank Colleen for that.

"You survived something very terrible Emmry. You should be proud of yourself."

"There's nothing to be proud of. That one was terrifying and made me very scared but that isn't the one that haunts me." I mumbled refusing to look up.

"Well then, we should talk about the one that haunts you Emmry."

I didn't want to. I hadn't talked about that day…with anyone ever.. My mother saw the aftermath but we never talked about it. I think she felt like she failed me.

"Emmry… what are you thinking?" Colleen asked raising her eyebrows at me.

"I've never talked about it. My mom found me after…she...could tell what happened we never talked about it...I've never spoken about it…okay?" My words came out harsh and I felt guilty instantly.

"I'm sorry...I shouldn't have spoken rudely." I corrected myself and Colleen shook her head. "You're allowed to have emotions, you're allowed to be angry about what happened to you. Why don't you just walk me through the day."

I took a minute to think about it and then nodded.

"It was just a normal day. I was walking home from school. We lived on the edge of the Dogwood Pack at that time. My mom was working since I was 15 then and I could get home from school on my own and do my work. She decided to put me into a school there. Sometimes she did and sometimes she didn't."

I grabbed a piece of paper off my dad's notepad and started scribbling. Sometimes just having something to do with my hands kept my mind at ease.

"So you were all alone?" Colleen asked.

"Yes. My mom usually would pick me up from school but that day she wanted to stay late at her job. I was on my way back to the house, they had paths…the Dogwood pack that lead to each property from the school . I could have waited for my mom to come get me or just sat at her job and did work…but I wanted to go home and well I wanted to enjoy the quiet. I didn't like school."

I flipped my paper over once I'd drawn over all the available space. I took a deep breath and continued.

���The school wasn't in town…it was closer to the edge where we lived. I'm guessing it was in case they needed to have trainings for shifters. Anyway …not many people walked the paths, most of them had cars. I was just past the turn when I started to hear cracking like sticks breaking."

Colleen nodded along and encouraged me to continue.

"I got scared so I started to run towards home. I wasn't look back but the noise was following me and getting louder. I could see the house when…" I closed my eyes and took in a shaky breath. I could feel it...just like it was happening to me all over again.

"I was jumped on…I knew it was a shifter because it reminded me of the time I was attacked before. I thought he was going to bite and claw at me like the other one…but he didn't. When he had jumped on me I hit my head…I don't know what one but everything was spinning." I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks.

"I felt my shirt…and pants…part of my skin…come ripping off. The world was still fuzzy but the pain was there." I rubbed my collar bone where the smallest of the scars were.

"After the ripping stopped I felt…hands...human hands. He shifted back into his human form."

"Emmry you keep saying him…he… how do you know?" Colleen asked I could tell she was trying to be gentle.

"He talked to me. I couldn't… everything was spinning and fuzzy and I couldn't see his face but I could hear him. He told me over and over how much he loved me…how he couldn't help it anymore. We were going to be together forever…he talked the whole time…" I bit my lip and dug the pen into the paper again.

"He talked the whole time? What else was he doing?" What was he doing? What did she think it was doing? I didn't think Colleen was a stupid person. She was actually going to make me say it. She wanted to hear it? The anger inside me started to boil.

"What else was he doing? What else was he doing? He was holding down my hips and forcing himself…forcing…inside of me…He was…he was hurting me in every possible way." I couldn't control it anymore I started to cry harder my voice yelling by the end.

"Emmry…" Colleen reached over to grab my hand and I flinched away dropping the pen. I realized that I had started to dig into my dad's desk.

"Oh no…no…no.." I started to cry more. What did I do…

"Emmry it's a desk...you need to focus okay.." Colleen reached out and took my hand. I tried to pull it away but she held on. I felt myself slowly starting to relax.

"What that thing did to you…was terrible but it was not your fault. You did not deserve it. No matter what anyone has said or will say to you I need you to understand that." Colleens voice was heavy.

"I don't want to be here anymore. Can we be done today?" I asked trying to pull my hand away.

" I want you to acknowledge what I said to you." Colleen stared at me not flinching.

"You can tell me it wasn't my fault and that I didn't deserve it but I can't stop myself from not believing you." I told her before ripping my hand away and storming out of the room. It was too much. I should have kept it together. I shouldn't have told her.

I ran out the door and towards my mother's favorite meadow. I needed time to calm down and think. I was sure Colleen would understand.