The acceptance and minor time skip

1981 October 21 13.21

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It's now been 3 whole months since the incident. and I just turned a year old. throughout these 3 months, I have been practicing the use of my magic. trying to see the limits and rules of what works and what doesn't.

One thing that I have always wanted to try. was the force choke that Darth Vadar was so infamous for using. I may not have the force or the magic capacity to do it but!

I can make a pencil float for 1.2 sec before falling asleep. pathetic I know. but come on I'm a fucking baby I think that I deserve some credit.

Filing that idea for the future I think about my most recent and most effective training method so far. I call it "push and pull" essentially I grab anything that's extremely light weighted. (a pencil being the most common by the way did I mention I can crawl now?) and just push it and pull it around. the push part is the easiest by the way.

I have no goddamn clue why the pulling part is so hard. but at least it's some good training. of course once the pencil starts feeling light and easy. then I'll get something heavier and repeat the process all over again.

the training is simple but it does produce positive results. with my core(formally known as center) being around 3-5% percent larger. not a huge increase but again only a year old right now.

And if I continue at this rate. then by the time I turn 11, I'll probably have a monstrous abundance of magic.

Now on to. Uhh, darker matters.

I now have completely accepted the child's expiration. and the fact that I was the killer. of course, I handled it like a sigma chad by staying on the grind. (crying) and only needing myself for comfort. (women are really good at hugging did you know that?)

Nonetheless what I am really curious about. is how I being the weak little baby that I am. could make a damn human explode. a small human but a human nonetheless,

I know that emotions especially negative ones like wrath. could boost the power of magic while sacrificing constraint and regulation.

The best theory, that I could come up with that would explain my unexpected upswing in magic. is that the negative emotions from not only being annoyed but also from my death. boosted the strength of my magic to what would be a ludicrous level of magic for a baby.

Anyways, what I am focusing on in terms of training is occlumency. and just making my magic thicker and stronger. the real problem however is occlumency.

The problem is that I never finished the books. so I have no idea how it was taught or trained. so I'm just winging it with my random knowledge from fanfics that I have browsed.

One of the things that occlumecy supposedly does is improve your memory. at least according to fanfics.

One thing that I am certain of. is that emptying your mind of both thoughts and emotion is the way to train occlumency. it was said so in the original books. while I may not have read most of the books. I have however read and heard a little bit about them.

One of snapes defining quotes about occlumency is. "I told you to empty yourself of emotion! ... Fools who wear their hearts proudly on their sleeves, who cannot control their emotions, who wallow in sad memories and allow themselves to be provoked this easily — weak people, in other words — they stand no chance against his powers! He will penetrate your mind with absurd ease, Potter!"

This is why I have added meditation to my daily routine.

A lot of people tend to do meditation the wrong way by trying to just empty their thoughts. while it is feasible to empty your thoughts on command. it will take years no decades to reach that level.

So people who are at the beginner and intermediate levels. need something to concentrate on to remove all thoughts. and even then their mind will wander whenever they lose focus. while you can focus on anything. whether it be sound physical sensations or mantras the most common one is the breath.

The way it works is simple.

You focus on the breath.

You lose focus without realizing it. (by thinking instead of focusing)

You realize that you're not focusing.

And then you go back to focus on the breath.

And repeat. a lot of people get frustrated whenever they lose focus. and they don't realize that losing focus is a part of the training.

Doing the steps just laid out. will slowly condition your mind to always be focused. although it does take a long time to reach that level.

Of course, the thing that I am going to focus on. is unquestionably going to be my magic.

Getting myself into a comfortable but alert position. I calm any simmering thoughts and emotions. slowing my breath I start feeling and visualizing my magic.

My magic is still volatile erratic and unpredictable. it uses my emotions to assume what I want it to do. instead of heeding my guidance.

But, as time goes on it slowly starts to stabilize.

5 minutes...

Not much of a difference. but it's a bit mellower now.

10 minutes...

The magic feels more calm. and serene.

15 minutes...

It feels as though. it would actually listen to my commands now.

20 minutes...

I gradually opened my eyes. both my mind and magic felt extremely calm. of course, I knew that this was fleeting. and will soon subside. So, I need to quickly test my control now.

Gazing at the pencil beside me. (that I stole.) I try to calmly guide my magic. to pull it up and hold it there.

1...

2..

3...

4..

Once I hit the 4-second mark. my magic gave out releasing the pencil from its control. in terms of strength and force, there isn't. That much of a distinction between before or after meditation.

But control however got a significant boost. limiting inefficient use of my magic allowing. me to beat my record of 1 second by 3 seconds.

I couldn't see my face. but I'm sure a gleeful smile is plastered on it.

"I am soo going to grind the shit out of this."

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{Christabel}

{age} = 1

{Physical} = 0.6/10

{Magic} = 0.5/20

{Magic Skill} = 0.3/60

{hand to hand combat} = 0/60

{Swordsmanship} = 0/60

{Killed} = 1/???

{daily lesson learned} = "meditation is surprisingly op"