Chapter 85- dementors and a new song

Harry's POV

You think you are ready, that you are prepared, that if you know about them before, if you faced your demons, their influence in you would be minimal.

You can't be more wrong!

The feeling that being next to a dementor raise inside of you is hard to describe, it is not sadness that you feel although you might think it is, nor do you feel unhappiness, no matter how close to it might feel. No, it is much, much worse.

The best way to describe it is a combination of depression and desperation.

While feeling that overwhelming nothingness as they suck your emotions, you feel the need for help without being offered, nor can you ask for help and you also feel the need to make it disappear, no matter what.

If Harry was to think of a time in a person's life in which he can feel this way without being near that foul creature, it is before he commit suicide.

The only reason Harry could think of, as to why there aren't any suicide cases in Azkaban is that in addition to that, you also have to relive your worst moments, moments you usually aren't able to fully remember, so they overwhelm you and cause more emotions, which the dementors then suck again, restarting the circle.

Well, that wasn't a problem for Harry, as he fully remembered everything about this life.

The years inside the cupboard, his parants corpses and the betrayals, he remembered everything.

So instead, Harry only felt the overwhelming need to kill himself, as he couldn't see a point to his life, if being completely honest, what did he have in them? Only learning and revenge.

As he made up his mind to finish his life, he suddenly heard "Harry... Help me" the almost unheard whisper felt like a lightning strike in Harry's mind as the memories the dementors suppressed erupt.

The memories of afternoons full of conversations and laughter, of warm hugs whenever she was feeling happy, and of the necklace she made him with all his heart, the one he was wearing since the moment he got it.

'Protect her!' he yelled in his mind while pouring the warm and fuzzy feelings that came up from the memories into his magic, too far gone to care he didn't say the words the spell need as he shoved the magic outside, letting it change to the thestral guardian he almost forgot about, banishing the dementors away.

As they went away and the feelings of helplessness gone with them, he saw Luna in the flow passed out.

Checking her vitals with muggle techniques, he cursed under his breath the fact he didn't study any spells nor investigated the side affects of exposure to dementors, as while she appeared to be fine, if only extremely exhausted, he wasn't sure if there wasn't any magical side affects.

"Dobby!" He called, and a second later the house elf popped into the train.

"Yes Harry?"

"You can pop into Hogwarts, right?" He asked hurriedly

"Dobby can!" Dobby nodded his head excitedly.

"Good, I need you to pop Luna into the hospital wing, and than, even if madam Poppy isn't there, get her to check Luna."

"Dobby do that." Dobby said and held Luna, before disappearing.

It was only then that Harry sighed in relief, letting the turmoil of emotions, emotions of happiness, sadness, anger, and all the other kinds that returned when the dementors left, emotions that were being held behind his Occlumency shields as he checked on Luna, out. As he felt like he is seeing again after losing his vision he couldn't help but exclaim about the colors and symphonies the emotions gave him, understanding why people might lose their consciousness because of them, as there was only two ways to describe the phenomenon, and although they are somewhat contradicting, the phenomenon is both of them- it was beautiful and horrifying.

A few hours later

Hogwarts

Harry's POV

Harry spent the next few hours resting and eating chocolate, trying to get some of the energy the dementors seem to suck back into his bones.

The reason chocolate helped, Harry believed, is that it caused the release of endorphins that produce the feelings of happiness, so it sort of fill the amount of happiness that is being sucked from you. So while you are still drained magically, the hormonal imbalance the dementors cause is solved.

It also explain why Occlumency doesn't work on them, as it doesn't attack your mind, which is defended, but cause natural chaos in the balance of hormones in your brain.

As Harry sat in the grand hall, the first year students came in and the sorting hat started singing,

This is the time in which you stand and listen

To an old hat's song and recollection

Sorting, I did it for a 1000 years

Sat on famous wizards heads

Now is the turn of you

To get chosen instead

Four houses, millions of wizards

How did I choose?

Well I go after the criterions the founders let loose

Rowenda chose first,

said she wanted children with brain like water,

to them study and knowledge is all they want to gain.

Salazar second, wanted those with mind like stone- unshakeable in its beliefs and ambition to reach the moon

Helga third, wanted those with hearts of gold,

loyal, hard workers and easy to mold.

The last was Godrick, who wanted those with balls of steel,

Those that will fight even uphill

So put me on your head, as it's time to be sorted, and only then will you be fed.

'I wander where Astoria will be' Harry wondered as the sorting began.