001 Dead

Well shit! I'm dead... at least that's what the guy in front of me who claims to be God says... and I don't think he's lying. "Again, from the beginning... You say you're God and I'm dead?" I stared in disbelief at the entity in before me.

"Yes, I'm a God... on the flight from Jerusalem you started shouting Allah akbar." the so-called God flipped through a few pages in the book... Book? Wait a minute... fuck, this book just wasn't there. "What were you expecting?"

I wasn't sure if he asked me rhetorically or expected an answer, but he was right. In fact, something like this happened, I made a bet with a friend if I would do it, he wanted me to scream Heil Hitler, but in the presence of so many Jews it didn't seem like a good idea... so I chose Allah akbar.

"I was hoping for a better sense of humor, but people these days are dead serious." So if I'm really dead... my brilliant criminal career came to an end, and I was already second on the interpol list. I smuggled everything that was possible, from weapons, through drugs to antiques, across all borders of all countries in the world... extortion, battery, racketeering, tax fraud, contract killings, without a contract too... and I kicked the bucket over a silly joke on a fucking vacation.

God kept going through the book, flipped a few pages again, looked at me, shook his head and went back to reading... oh shit, I'm really going to hell... or worse, California.

"I have a proposal for you, are you interested?"

Of course I was, but one thing I was taught by my illegal interests, not to show emotions and not show your cards and trust no one... ok, three things. "You will tell me what this proposition is, and I will tell you if I am interested." God seemed amused by my caution, or perhaps he was reading my mind.

"I can make you reborn in another world as a baby, or I can transfer you to another world as a 10-year-old child. In both cases you will keep your memories, and you will be able to choose several skills."

Interesting... but there must be a catch somewhere and I don't have enough information to make a decision. "First, what do you get from it? Second, what is this world going to be... fantastic, futuristic, historical, modern? Third, what are these skills?"

"Interesting little insect... no worries, I will answer your questions. First, I am God, but even the Gods are bored, and you will provide me with entertainment..."

Well, this reason is as good as any other, and I have no way of confirming it anyway, so I have to be content with it. "And can't you, like Zeus, just go to earth and rape some women or destroy a city? You are God, you have quite a few options."

The conversation did not turn out as I expected, although I did not know what to expect, it was all unreal and absurd... The world I was supposed to go to is the world of fucking Harry Potter... but finally I agreed to God's proposal, I didn't have much to lose, and a new life in another world was like a witness protection program.

In my youth, I read books, saw movies, and even a few parodies on erotic websites... I did not even know that the wand could have so many uses, and I was full of admiration how well these actresses polished wands. I've also read some fanfiction like "Harry Potter and the Gas Chamber of Secrets."

Then I got an explanation of the skills, in fact I got a whole list of different skills to choose from with a description of each. It took me a few hours to read all this, but I could choose only ten skills in total and the first one I chose was "Perfect Memory"... after a few seconds I felt pain in my temples, after another few seconds... I remembered everything and it was an amazing feeling.

With this new skill, I remembered the existence of skills such as Occlumency and Legilimency in the Harry Potter world and chose them immediately... more pain in my temples... fuck. Another skill I decided to use was Wandless magic, I'm not going to shout every time what I'm going to do, I might as well commit suicide.

Animagus, I looked through the options, there was even an octopus among them... but it would be good if I wanted to molest a Japanese schoolgirls... "yamete", otherwise totally useless. Ultimately, I decided to give up being an Animagus, I could only choose six more skills and didn't want to waste them on stupid things. I chose the apparition, in the version of these little masochistic house elves and invisibility, more advanced version that even concealed the scent of a human.

Four more skills, and choice was getting more and more difficult, transfiguration, charms, potions... the list was long. After a brief reflection, I remembered that the Ministry of Magic put a spell or charm called "trace" on underage students... I couldn't allow it, so my next choice was obvious.

Ultimately for my last three skills, I chose to be proficient in potion making, transfiguration, and charms... a simple combination that offers many possibilities.

God looked at me with strange eyes. "Are you sure you want it, could you have chosen more powerful skills?"

This is true, but in my past life, I was a successful professional criminal. "I am pleased with my choice, what I do not know, I will learn." With perfect memory and my intelligence, I should be able to deal with it somehow.

"If you think so, it's your life. Just a little hint from my side, you will be born in a family of pureblood wizards who are descendants of Master Jan Twardowski."

This one hint gave me more tips than I expected... Jan Twardowski was an astrologer, magician and alchemist at the court of the Polish king Zygnunt II August, then, according to legend, he made a pact with a devil or a demon in exchange for a soul, and when the devil appeared to collect his payment, Twardowski deceived him and escaped to the moon.