What does it takes to be happy? If you achieve everything you've ever wanted, would that make you happy? What if it doesn't, what will you do then.. What if you get everything, except for one single thing, would it be enough?..
At the age of 22 Jake realized happiness isn't pleasure.. Happiness is peace.. He realized that getting his dream job, making enough money, getting his own house, transitioning into someone he always meant to be may not be enough.. Money is just a thing afterall.. And things give you pleasure, not peace..
He was sitting alone on his office desk, drawing cartoons.. He was living the life he always dreamt of.. He always thought that if he could achieve all his dreams, he'll be able to feel happiness.. He wasn't wrong but for some reason, a part of him still feels empty.. The peace that was promised, was no where to be found.. Deep down inside, Jake knew, this may be the life he always dreamt of but something was missing.. They, were missing..
Abby, who was like moonlight in the darkest of nights— Like rain in the desert— Like a ray of hope lighting up his life..
The day they separated, a small black hole was formed in his heart.. After all these years, the void was still unnoticeable to other.. Who would noticed one dead flower in a garden full of bloomed roses.. Who would care about a dead flower, except for the gardener himself..
Listening to the sound of raindrops hitting the window would've been a nice and peaceful feeling but it just made him feel more empty inside..
He was listening to a song while drawing a kid riding a bicycle.. Just another day for him.. Until he heard the sound of thunder followed by a quiet gasp..
It was crazy how despite the loud music he was able to hear that.. He smiled for no reason as he turned up the volume to the max..
He continued.. Until he felt a tap on his shoulder.. He pulled down his headphones and spun his chair around to see two familiar faces.. His co-worker sophie and 'them'..
It used to make no sense in the movies. Time would stop and all the people around, would disappear.. It would just be 'Them' and everything else in the background would fade momentarily..
But at that moment that's exactly how he felt.. He stood up slowly, looking at Abby..
Like how someone dying from thirst standing in front of a salty ocean..
He could barely focus on what sophie was saying. Maybe she was introducing them to each other? Or maybe she was saying something else? He didn't knew nor did he cared..
He just wanted to go ahead and hug his abby.. He knew that only then, he could feel whole..
Until his coworker brought him back to reality..
"Are you even listening to me? Sorry, that's just how he is"
Jake saw their soft brown eyes sparkle like they always used to whenever they used to smile at him..
The coworker excused herself and walked away..
"Hi.. nice to meet you" Abby extended their hand out to him..
A wave of sadness crept in alongside the rush of joy he felt at seeing them again. 'Why are they acting like they don't know me?' he wondered.
Jake looked at their hand, where he saw something.
And at that moment, all he could think about was how unfair it was that no one could hear how the heart sounded as it broke.
It is unfair how everything have a noise, but a heartbreak doesn't..
Humans are really such a complicated creations of god.. They cry when they're happy and smile when their heart is literally shattering..
"Hi" he shook their hand with a smile..
Cold.. Their hands were cold.. Like always.. He remembered how he used to hold them to make them warm.. But now, he can't even do that.. Because he didn't had a right anymore..
He wondered: what was worse? Then, or now?
Was it not being able to see them and hold them? Or was that preferable to being able to see them and be around them physically, only to no longer have the right to hold them and warm their cold hands?
Maybe, pain is indeed something humans like us can't avoid..