Chapter 8

It's the day before the dance and my mother and I are going shopping for makeup and a dress. I don't really know what kind of formal I have to wear. I put on some decent clothes for the first time since the first day of school and makeup. I tie my hair in a messy bun and let some strands lose. At the shop I pick up a light blue dress. It has a deep v neck, a strap grabbing my waist and letting the skirt fall to the ground, I guess it'd get to my feet. It's very classic, it doesn't have any decorations, just a leg slit, but I like it. For the make up I just get a new eyeliner and dark red lipstick.

I see Savannah, Ava and their friends at the mall. When they spot me they all laugh. Everyone but Savannah.

"Do you know them?" My mom asks.

"Yeah, they're from my school."

"Is the boy the one you used to go out with this summer?"

"No, she's actually a girl. She's the one that showed me the school."

"Oh, the ugly one. I don't like her. And what happened to the boy? You don't talk about him anymore."

"In the end it was temporary. We don't talk anymore."

"Oh, ok." she sounds a bit sad, I kinda feel bad. I think she guessed I didn't have many friends anymore but I don't think she realized how little that number was, i.e. zero.

At home I try the dress. I think it actually looks nice. I was right about the skirt, plus it's a perfect fit. I put my heals on so that it doesn't quite reach the ground, in Italy you'd say "so I won't sweep the floor with it". I kind of miss it there, but not too much. I mean, the place is nice and everything, lots of art, lots of beauty. I don't like the people that were there.

I go out in the kitchen to show my mother and grandparents. My grandfather tells me I look beautiful, my grandmother pronounces a very long wow and my mom cheers. I smile broadly, a genuine smile. I'm so fucking lucky to have a family like this. My grandfather hugs me and I go back to change into night-out clothes.

This evening we're celebrating my grandparents' fiftieth anniversary so we're going out for sushi. I put on a short black dress with a v neck, try on my new makeup and slip on my feet a pair of black ballerinas. We go out and, when I walk in the restaurant, the first thing that I see is a table full of the people that I hate. The popular kids from my year, including Mitch, Ava and of course Savannah. Damn, that girl is everywhere.

I try to ignore them but it's hard when they all go silent to stare at me. Some giggle, some are trying not to laugh. When someone lets out chocked laughter by mistake they all explode. I hate it, I feel my cheeks go red. I put my head down and walk to the table. God knows what's so funny. Oh right, it's funny that someone is having family time, haha I'm dying laughing too. I should start being mean not only in my head.

"Aren't those the girls from the mall?" My mom asks, watching them.

"I think I saw that guy when you went to school once." My grandmother chimes in.

"Yes and yes, the guy is Mitch, the one I used to go out with this summer." I answer. Why are we talking about them? I think of something to say to change the subject but my mind goes black. Fucking Savannah, get out of my head. It's really hard not to look at her when I can feel her eyes burn into me and my whole family is staring at the group, her included.

"Oh, got it. Won't you go say hello?" my mother proposes. She sounds nice, I didn't tell her about Mitch yet but I don't want her to feel bad for me or let me change school. I don't feel like going through that again.

"No."

"Ok...the girl that looks like a boy looks a lot like the Savannah girl from the videos, the one you were obsessed with."

"Yeah, but it's not her." I lie.

We look at out menus, then a waiter takes our order. I keep noticing Savannah looking at me. She didn't laugh with the others either. But it's probably all in my head. It's probably that little hope that's there even if you know nothing's going to happen. We lock eyes for a second and she doesn't smile but she doesn't look annoyed. She looks...relaxed, blissful. It looks weird on her when she's looking at me. We stay like that for a moment, until Ava starts talking to her. I listen to my grandmother saying that my mother should start dating and that Mitch's the son of her stupid toxic ex. Wait, what?

"Yeah, when she went to Italy and finally let go, it came out that he had and affair with another girl, they got married and had him. But he's really bad. He's an alcoholic and abuses his wife. Idiot. You should treat women with the respect they deserve." She turns to my mother. "You are a stupid-men magnate. I hope your daughter is different."

"I don't like men..." I say in a low voice., sinking into my seat. Everything goes silent. Then my grandfather goes "Well, problem solved then." and they all laugh.

"It's no problem sweetie." My mother says. God, that's a relief. I know they aren't like that, actually, my mother always encouraged me to speak up when people discriminate, but it still made me nervous. I laugh with my new family and forget about the table in front of mine. I forget about all my problems and all the people around us. About everyone but one person. A person that I thought was different, I thought wasn't like the other famous people. A person that I thought cared and loved. A person that I thought always smiled to everyone and was kind all the time. Guess it's true when they say that people on social media are entirely different, I just didn't think it was this much. Guess she isn't like that, at least not here. But she's still the person I'm going to have to go with at the school dance tomorrow evening.