Chapter 16

We get into the car and Savannah drives us to lunch. We remain in silence, she's clearly mad. I haven't even done anything bad, she just made a comment and I answered back, not fair, I can play her games. Her hands are clenching the steering weal so hard her fingers become white. Damn who knows what those fingers can do. SHIT. No. I won't got there. Shut up, Rose.

"What?" she asks, more like a statement than a question.

"Huh?"

"I don't know, you tell me. Before, when I was teaching you how to bowl, you blanked out, now you've become pale and your eyes were wide. What's going on." I don't know if she sounds worried, annoyed or mad. Probably but hopefully not a mixture of the three.

"Nothing, don't worry."

"Tell me."

"It's nothing, seriously." Damn, her anger issues.

"Can I ask you a question? But I want an honest answer."

"Uhm, ok?"

"Back when we both were in Italy, where you one of those crazy fans?"

I didn't expect that. I don't know if I'd be able to give an honest answer. I have a major celebrity crush on her, always have. I've always been a big fan but then I'd scare her off and now I just see her as a real person, not some hot girl behind a screen. Plus, yeah it was big but I was quite "calm" compare to the majority of girls, when she said crazy she actually meant crazy and I wasn't like that. "I mean, I followed you but not like those girls."

"Mh." She has a weird expression. It's like a mix between a frown and a thinking face. I could change that...but maybe not. I could give her some signs. Play hard to get. I'm already kinda doing that. Maybe later. No wait, my plan was to not let her in, just go out.

We go get McDrive, I get my usual double-cheese burger with coke and she gets a few classic burgers, a coke, a big packet of nuggets and two chocolate milkshakes. We drive towards the city's "lake". It's not really a lake, it's just a very big pond in a park. We get out of the car and walk towards the water. We sit down on the shore and start eating.

"How was it being out in your school?" she asks.

"I wasn't out. The only people that knew I was gay were my two best friends."

"Wow, had to be nerve-racking going from no one to everyone here. But you said you weren't a virgin."

"Because I'm not." God, I don't want to feel dirty again, I hated it. I spent everyday under the shower because I couldn't stand it. Funny how my dad was the one screaming about the water. What an asshole. Though I should have tried to deal with it without using up other's resources.

"So you've fucked one of your friends?"

"Hell no, she's super straight. Now they're a thing apparently."

"Wait, how are you not a virgin then?"

"I know you are a lesbian but may I remind you that guys exist too." Ugh. I can't stand this, I have to change the subject.

"Ugh you had sex with a guy? I mean, nothing's wrong with that, I just expected it to be a girl."

"Didn't want anyone to find out or become an outcast." Which is party true, but the first time wasn't for that.

"Wait, so like, except the friend group thing, you weren't like here? I mean I keep getting signs that you weren't and I don't know, you're so different it's weird just thinking about it. Where you like at the party?"

"I don't even remember how I was at the party, but from the videos that I saw probably yes."

"Everyone's their true self when they're having fun, kinda. Damn, I probably would have hit on you right away if I knew you then."

"I probably refused you in some weird cringy way so I could embarrass you."

"We'll see how cringy it is now that you are out." she says as she quickly grabs the nugget in my hand, eats it and pins me to the ground, her above me, her knees beside each of my sides.

"I haven't even come out properly yet. People just assumed."

"Well, you admitted that those rumors were true in part, we'll see now if they are completely true." she grins widely, clearly enjoying the position. Bet she does, she still ain't getting there yet. I can feel a blush creeping up and darkening my cheeks. When in movies or books they say that in moments like this you get hot, I didn't think you'd actually get really really hot.

"Might wanna earn the answer then." I'm not giving in easily. I'm trying really hard to not show emotion, I hope Savannah won't see it, I hope I appear in control.

"Like how?" she looks up and down at me, her hands grazing my sides. When before her touch set off tingles, now they set off fire. My heart feels like an explosion that keeps exploding and all of this is driving me crazy. I try as hard as I can to keep a straight face and not gay panic right under her. I really need to get out of this.

"If I told you it wouldn't be earned. Mama's hungry though, let me eat my nuggets."

"Technically they're mine." her smile transforms from a dirty one to a cute one.

"I don't care, you took the responsibility to take me out, you have to deal with my hungry stomach and feed it."

She laughs and sits beside me so I stand up and take the nugget she offers me. When I bite it she goes "Oh yes mama, bite hard, let daddy see how much of a bad girl you are." in a fun tone.

I laugh out loud and she smile-laughs with me, watching me.

"First of all, I'm the only one allowed to call me mama and I use it only when I'm hungry. Two, shut the fuck up I'm a pillow princess."