Of Snakes and Spiders

"Where isss Yata? He ssshould be here," another voice broke the long awkward silence in a smooth accent emphasizing a hiss like sound.

"They are not real, not real. Talking snakes. No way. Snap out of it. You can't even see them, it's all a hallucination… snap out of it," Alex slapped his cheek a few times in frustration.

"OH, they are VERY real," a voice spoke behind him.

Alex swung around to face the speaker. Much to his relief, there was a slender, good-looking young man with long brownish hair tied in a ponytail, sitting on the donation box, was studying Alex with his iridescent dark eyes.

The stranger looked like he came out of cosplay or anime, wearing the light brownish striped yukata.

"You've… um… spider silk on you," Alex pointed at the shiny gossamer silk attached to the newcomer's yukata and wondered where he had turned up from.

He didn't hear footsteps, but while looking at the new stranger's eyes, a strange inner voice screaming within Alex to flee far away. Those eyes changed colors each time the newcomer moved, reminding him of the spiders' eyes trailing his moves earlier.

"Bah, just silk. No big deal," the young man shrugged nonchalantly, not even bothering to brush it off.

"So you said those talking snakes are real?"

"Heck yeah. The Mishakuji hates to talk to humans. Much less their souls," he said.

The mere mention of Mishakuji and the lisp of the voices made Alex blurt out, "SNAKES?! Snake gods?"

The young man nodded.

"Yup, they are snakes and gods to the humans who believe. By the way, I'm Yata."

Alex stared at Yata as his mind took him down the memory lane of attending a series of anthropological lectures on the folkloric origins of the snake deities around the world.

"Heard of Yamata-no-Orochi, that eight-headed serpent? Well, the Mishakuji, along with Ugajin, the shirohebi of Yamaguchi and even Yato no Kami of Ibaraki in Japanese folklore are all his relatives," Yata continued. "Malevolent and benevolent, depending on which side they woke up on. Never piss that big happy family of snakes off. That's my advice."

And now, folklore has turned into an insane reality.

What Yata said convinced Alex that it was a figment of his imagination or hallucination. Like Alice in Wonderland, except this is more of him in a Shinto Shrine.

What's next?

The rainbow serpent of the indigenous Australians' belief in the world's creation, or the similar Aztec feathered serpent God, Quetzalcoatl?

Nothing like meeting a couple of Chinese mythical creator-gods like Nüwa and Fuxi. Maybe they have a human head on top of their snake bodies.

What a sight it would be, and he could ask them why they made humans out of mud.

Even better, meeting the biblical snake in the Garden of Eden. Then Alex recollected memories of having snake soup in Hong Kong during his trip. Tasted like chicken.

Adam and Eve, if in Hong Kong, would have spared the world a lot of pain by eating that damn snake.

As his mind cycled to the ancient Egyptian snake-like underworld deities like Apep and Nehebkaum, much like the doomsday Norse myth about a world serpent, Jormungandr, a hissing sound brought him back to reality.

"Ssso, what do we do? There are only two KFC thighss."

This isn't real, Alex told himself as he clutched his head tightly.

Most of these folkloric snake spirits were malevolent beings, and the prospect of an actual talking snake or any other real snake did not thrill him. Especially if they were more interested in the KFC chicken than him.

Which deity in their right mind will eat scraps that others dropped?

Maybe his mind was projecting an illusion which he can't break away from. Perhaps, he is still the real world, and those Mishakuji were a bunch of homeless staring at a discarded KFC box in a public garbage bin.

A loud sigh of surrender escaped Alex's mouth. How long will the hallucination last? If he can't beat it, he might as well join it.

"If those are the Mishakuji, then what are you?" he asked.

"Those old snakes pulled me here to communicate with you. Like I said earlier, I'm Yata," Yata replied while his hand shot out in offer of a handshake.

Something about Yata made his skin crawl, like the uneasy feeling of meeting a serial killer with a pleasant smile.

Alex glanced at the offered hand in hesitation mixed with suspicion and dread.

Everything about Yata now screamed danger, including the coldness in those iridescent eyes which resembled a predator stalking a prey. The tip of Yata's tongue flicked across his lips, causing him to retreat in defence.

Corners of Yata's lips curled upwards into a wry smile. "Not even a friendly handshake?"

"Well, uh…"

Yata suddenly reached out and grabbed the right hand of Alex. Before Alex could react, Yata released his hold as though stung badly by something, and stumbled to the ground while nursing his hand.

"Mishakuji, YOU BASTARDS!" Yata cussed in anger while Alex moved backwards slowly.

"Eight legsss, ssssseven to ssssspare," came the hissing laughter of several voices.

Eight legs? Seven to spare? Alex took a step backwards and his leg tripped over a raised tree root and landing his bum on the pile of leaves next to the shrine. Only spiders had eight legs. He glanced at the placid looking Joro spiders on eaves of the shrine and glanced at the shrine.

Two were on it, yet he recalled three large ones hanging around earlier on the web. Was Yata one of those?

The Japanese had a legend of spider spirits. The Tsuchigumo and the Jorogumo, both known for devouring men. Worse than snakes, Alex thought. Was he dead already? No, it can't be - the Mishakuji mentioned he was neither dead nor alive but on a cusp.

"Your right palm has a mark…," Yata spat. "Fucking Mishakuji used me as a bait tester."

"A-are y-y-you a ss-spider?" Alex stuttered as the colors drained from his face.

First, his bad luck hearing talking snakes. Now, there is a talking spider in human form. This is a hallucination, Alex repeated to himself.

"Ssstupid ssspider."

The Mishakuji's remark confirmed it for him - Yata is some spider being.

"Dude. Your mark is as good as the supermarket's Raid Insecticide. I am hungry, not suicidal."

Spider? Hungry? Alex's eyes widened in horror. Wait, Yata knows about supermarkets? The madness was beyond unhinged now.

Then Alex stammered and pointed wildly at the ground, "T-t-there i-is the KFC chicken on the ground somewhere…"

Then laughter around ensued. The only one who wasn't laughing was Alex. Whatever these creatures or beings are, they seemed to know something that he didn't.

"Junk food for the Mishakuji, not mine. They eat that shit. Ever seen a spider eating fried chicken? We can't chew for fuck's sake."

"Y-y-ou have teeth." Alex gulped while scrambling to the safety of the shrine. "S-s-snakes don't r-r-really chew too."

"Ssspidersss sssuck," quipped the snake-like voices, and Alex could hear hiss-like snickers. The Mishakuji seemed to enjoy his mental torment.

Yata flashed a toothy smile while pointing at them. "Most of these pearly whites are for show only. To look more human. Let me show you."

His fingers tugged at a sharp canine, and a small ooze of liquid dropped from one.

"Shit. Tugged the wrong one, darn venom. But yeah, for show only, no biggie. Snakes can chew, but it's easier for them to swallow things whole." Yata wiped his fingers on his clothing while Alex's eyes widened in horror.

"Oh, come on, it's just my chelicerae. Human form is a disguise for some of our more… physical characteristics. Won't hurt you."

Alex's eyes grew larger in utter shock as he slowly backed away.

Yata spoke so casually of his chelicerae like they were a fashion item, but that was really the name of a spider's fangs, which injected venom that paralysed and liquified the insides of their prey.

Big bull shit on not being able to harm him.

Years of well-meaning parental encouragement to watch the Discovery Channel and probably David Attenborough of BBC Earth on cable enlightened Alex on the gory details of spider feeding mechanisms.

The very idea of being paralysed, mummified while the spider venom liquified his insides into a delectable human milk shake, was not appealing. Or being stored until the spider is hungry to suck the sludge that was his brains and innards out. And Yata looked hungry enough.

Spiders were the gruesome insect version of a vampire. At least, the mythical human vampires were sexier- at least, Alex stood a chance of transforming into one of them.

He halted the stray thought and shook his head - what the hell was he thinking?

"It would be rather bad if my pedipalps took the place of my canines. No one would like to eat their own gooey sperm." Yata rubbed his chin, oblivious to Alex's pained expression, and then added, "luckily, they are my hands."

Fear turned to disgust on Alex's face. That spider human thingy wanted to shake hands earlier. Wait, it touched his hand. He frantically wiped his hand on his t-shirt.

"Um, I don't… you know… do that kind of thing on you, you are not a female spider," Yata said, which did not comfort Alex in the slightest bit.

"Where the hell are your six other legs… wait, I don't even want to know…" Alex stopped.