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Fate/Fisted

'If violence isn't solving all your problems, you simply aren't using enough of it.' Shitty day at work cause your boss wants you to do overtime? Punch him. Kids giving you problems? Punch 'em. Supernatural entities trying to fuck with you? Punch 'em. Demon Gods trying to destroy to humanity? Punch the ever-living shit out of 'em. Nicholas Martel is the sort of man who can and will solve any and all problems by beating the shit out of them. Young masters and even tsunderes beware, his hands are rated e for absolutely everyone.

Bleap · Anime & Comics
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89 Chs

Master Plan

"Stupid Olga and her stupid..." Nicholas looked down on the ongoing battle from one of the castle battlements, picking up a rotten cabbage from the pile of random vegetables he'd put together, "Money."

He shamelessly threw it at the head of a random soldier, making the vegetable explode in the man's face and spread it's putrid contents all over his helmet.

"Hah... Good luck getting that out!" The teenager chortled to himself.

It was the only way to distract and keep himself from ripping his shirt apart and jumping into the 'free for all' fight... He'd been itching for a good fight for a while now, especially because he couldn't box with Martha cause of the ongoing 'war'.

Even that ho-... Kiyohime had joined in... She was flying around in dragon form burning through scores of undead.

"W...Why not just jump in?" Jeanne Alter offered after much contemplation, averting her gaze poking the fur of her cloak, "You don't really have to listen to that woman... I-I'll support you."

"I'd advise against it, senpai... but if you want to, I believe in you." Mash countered shyly, pressing her hands together, "You can do it."

Before the situation could devolve further thanks to 'highly competent' who didn't know how to say no to the pale haired teenager, Olga's voice rang out over comms.

"A million dolla-"

"I'll suck it." Nicholas didn't miss a beat.

"Wha? ... What?! W-What the hell is wrong with you? Suck what? Suck what?! I was just reminding you there's a million dollars in it for you if you stay put, you damn perv! Now stay put and let the others use this conflict to locate Gilles de Rais."

Their conversation was interrupted by a massive explosion that shook the land and made the winds howl, blowing another gaping hole through the city's walls.

Nicholas hurried over to the side it had come from and leaned against the railings, "How can she tell me to stay outta that, man?"

The pale haired teenager observed the damage in admiration, disregarding the volume of lives being lost in literal war but not without reason.

Once the Holy Grail altering the era was retrieved, everything would return to as it was before the interference, becoming identical to the original course of history.

That meant they could do anything they wanted and get away with it scot free.

Even Nicholas understood that.

Mostly because it gave him a chance to randomly punch monarchs and emperors.

"Wait, hol' up a sec..." Nicholas' gaze landed on a familiar mop of ash blonde leading a charge, followed by knights on horses, "Isn't that... Hey Mash." He turned around and gestured for the demiservant to move closer, "Am I seeing shit?"

Mash narrowed her eyes before nodding firmly, "...That's Miss Artoria."

"...Does that mean what I think it does?"

"I think so..." Mash spoke slowly, tilting her head to one side and then tilting it to the other, lips pursing, "Now that I think about it... It makes too much sense."

The demiservant looked to the side with hollow eyes, "Of course this would happen..."

"H...Hey Mash." Nicholas shook her shoulder slightly, "This is a good thing. Right Olga? It creates a distraction or something right?"

"Well... yeah..." The Director of Chaldea spoke over comms, equally as surprised as them judging by her tone, "I guess? It's horrifying to consider she rallied such a large force if the numbers we're detecting are right..."

Nicholas looked down at the swarm of soldiers storming the castle, "Yeah, I think they're right."

"So that's the King rallying this trash?" Jeanne Alter asked curiously, joining them, "I kinda wanna meet her."

"Break a leg."

It wasn't like they'd throw down moments after meeting and even if they did, who'd say no to a catfight between two hot goth chicks?

Nicholas wouldn't.

"You want me to break her leg?" Jeanne stared at him in confusion before shrugging and grinning, "I mean, if you want me to I guess. It'd be funny as shit to see all them panic if I break their King's leg outta nowhere."

"...I didn't say break her leg, dumbass." Nicholas deadpanned at the self-proclaimed Dragon Witch.

"So I break anybody's leg for your sick satisfaction?"

...Even Nicholas found himself stumped by that one.

"I'm in." Jeanne Alter gave him a thumbs up with tinted cheeks before pausing, "...Thanks for giving me a chance to break some shit." She misunderstood his silence as embarrassment at being discovered and continued, "You thought I'd miss it? What kinda w-w-wife would I be if I did that?"

Nicholas just pursed his lips and shrugged, "I guess you do need to vent a bit."

Jeanne threw him her cloak and jumped off the wall, right into the thick of battle.

The pale haired teenager's 'genius' pondered over what happened all of two seconds before another grey haired woman caught his attention... No, he wasn't looking at her cause she was wearing a black bikini and a crimson cloak with some fucked up BDSM design going on.

"Holy shit that's an actual fucking vampire."

It was because she was using elongated nails as claws and blood as her primary methods of attack... and cause she was fighting his daught-...er, Mordred and had the upper hand.

"Senpai, wai-"

Nicholas jumped over the railings.

"...Ah." Mash sighed helplessly before resolving herself to help out in any way she could, "I'll do my best, even if you may find me inadequate compared to true heroes!"

-

Artoria lead the men of her nation into battle with Excaibur Morgan raised high, cutting down wyvern after wyvern, beast after beast, with the brutal efficiency of a tyrant and the raw power of one who was thought to be the incarnation of Y Ddraig Goch himself.

All was going well, she would take this city and free her Master from the clutches of a vile Witch.

As a reward, he would grant her all the headpats and snacks she could want and agree to her tutorship while getting rid of a pretender and bagging a nation at the same time.

A perfect plan without any flaws if she said so herself.

That was why when a few of her men backed away with fear in their eyes and cleared a path between her and an ashen haired woman holding a dark blade in one hand and a black flag in the other, the cold tyrant who wielded Excalibur Morgan allowed a small smile to form on her usually expressionless face.

"It's the Dragon Witch!"

"Take her down! We believe in you, King Arthur!"

"YOU CAN DO IT!!"

Artoria pointed her weapon at the Dragon Witch, making the woman grin in sadistic satisfaction.

"I was thinking about helping these idiots out but sure, if you wanna be like that." The woman slammed down her flag as her blade caught fire, heating up it's surroundings, "Come at me, we'll see how long you last."

"As you wish."

Artoria shot at her evil foe, intent on cutting her down.

-

Martha walked through the vast but ruined corridors of the main castle with Jeanne D'Arc by her side and the legendary Dragon Slayer Siegfried covering their rear while Atalanta covered them from a distance.

It was a company of heroes so revered most would have heard of them and not many had a chance at vanquishing.

She jumped on top of a piece of rubble, noting that it was probably a part of the collapsed roof before parsing everything within sight, "It's strange that there's no one in here."

"They must all be distracted by the battle outside... I thank the Lord for engineering this opportunity." Jeanne D'Arc offered a silent prayer, ignoring the sounds of explosions and the constant shaking of a structure on the verge of collapse, "We must hurry. I do not wish to put your Master in danger on account of us being lethargic."

"You let me worry about him." Martha fired back instantly, surprising the Saint... wait, surprising the OTHER Saint, "I need to get back to Chaldea and check my book, don't even think about adding to my headaches!"

"...I am sorry?" Jeanne apologised confusedly, unaware of the sudden revelation Martha had had when drowning her sorrow over Nicholas' 'marriage' in booze.

"Hm! He'll get bored of you eventually! Hm! I bet he isn't even serious about the whole marriage thing!"

"...I don't get it. I'm sorry." The Patron Saint of France didn't know what she did wrong but apologised all the same.

Siegfried kept his mouth shut, knowing better than to argue with women.

-

Hope you enjoyed the chapter.