memories..

Alina clenched her fist so hard that blood came out from where her nails were digging. Even though alina eyes were at her mobile screen, her mind was somewhere else.

Memories of her past were flashing past her eyes. She remembered the time when her mom would force her to wear boy clothes.

When she was little, she didn't have any problem with that as she didn't know the concept of gender. But as she was old enough she started to notice it. She liked the dresses that girls used to wear; they were so colorful and sparkly in her eyes.

She started to fight with mammy that she wanted to wear one of those dresses but mammy never let her and started to pacify her by saying that she will discuss it with alina's parents.

Alina was happy in the beginning when she thought that soon she will be able to wear those dresses and have long beautiful hair just like lily.

Soon days passed and mammy still forced her to wear boy clothes. Whenever alina asked mammy that when will she be able to wear dresses, mammy would reply with that she hadn't talked to her parents yet or something happened when she was talking to them so they couldn't give her a reply.

After some time alina gave up hope of getting the permission from her parents, she had tried to talk to them but they will always change the subject.

Alina started to fight that she didn't wanted to wear her usual clothes and wanted to wear dresses but one way or another mammy and Eliza made her wear boys clothes.

When she was a 10 she sneaked out with a dress and publically told everyone that she was a girl so they should expect her in dresses from now but after that her parents started to ignore alina.

Alina was stopped from going to school. She was banned from leaving the house. And the people in the house ignored her to the point she started to doubt her existence.

She wasn't even allowed to meet her parents and she begged and begged Alex secretary to let her see her parents but he would always refuse. She wanted to beg her house butler but he completely ignored her existence.

She finally gave up on asking to meet her parents. She stopped crying for them and their love. All she ever wanted for them was to love her for who she was but they never did.

She asked the secretary to tell her father that she wants to go to school, but the secretary replied with that she can't. Alina was surprised by the quick reply and asked her father secretary for the reason and he replied her with that the company was going through difficult times so they don't have enough funds to send her to school.

Alina knew that even if the company was going through difficult time, they would still have enough to send a thousand children like her to school. Also lily was still going to school.

Alina got to know that company started to face trouble after she came out as a girl. She knew that she was not the reason and it was just a coincidence but then why her parents treated her like this. Did they never love her from the start? Were they just pretending? Or was it really her fault?

She wanted to believe that it was her fault that the company was facing some troubles, in that way she can ask for forgiveness and everything will go back to normal.

She did ask for forgiveness she sat in front of her parents' room for three days without eating and drinking anything. They always passed her without even giving her a glance.

She sat there till she fainted on the night of third day. When she woke up she was in her room with drips. Her parents didn't even come to ask how she was.

Her heart was shattered once again. Form then on she rarely left her room, she knew that she would not be able to take it if something like this happened one more time.

She would always wake up early to see lily from her room window. She would see her parents happily seeing off lily to school. They would have big smiles plastered over their face, even butlers would be smiling seeing the happy family.

One time when her parents and lily were out for dinner party, alina sneaked out of the house. She wanted to see if her grandparents or her friends missed her.

The party was in a venue outside the town which was not that far from here. When she reached there she saw them all happily laughing with each other, no one even spoke her name. It was if she never existed, she felt pain in her heart and all she could do was cry.

On the way back home she fell and was covered in dirt, she had scratches all over her body and her knees were bleeding. But all this wasn't compared to the pain she was feeling in her heart.

On the half way towards home she saw her parents' car drove by her. They definitely saw her but ignored her and went home. She knows they saw her because lily waved at her from the back window of the car.

She reached home late in night. She saw lily waiting for her in her room, she was actually asleep on the sofa with the first aid box on her lap.

Alina rubbed her eyes clean from all tears. Lily woke up when alina was about to approached her. Lily smiled at her, the smile showed that how much she meant to lily.

Alina's heart had already turned stone for everyone but it finally felt alive in front of that smile.

Lily helped alina get cleaned and then bandaged her wounds. She left her for that night.

Alina felt the warmth of a person after so long; she finally slept with a little peace of mind. This was the first night her nightmares about not existing stopped.

After that lily used to visit alina every night and she used to talk about her day. Alina felt that she belonged in the world and that she was experiencing everything along with lily from her stories.