IS MY HEART SAFE?

It was the 14th of February, lovers day, and it fell on a Sunday. I woke my best friend, Beth, with a smack on her butt.

She had arrived at my doorstep the night before with her luggage. All she had mumbled before she crashed on my bed was, "my place is too dusty."

She had been on a contract job in another city for three months, and apparently, she forgot to call cleaning service, and me, again.

"Rise and shine, sleepyhead. We have a lot to do today, so get up."

Beth grumbled for about 10 seconds, moaned for like 5 seconds, then went silent, with her eyes still closed.

"Beth!" No answer. I went to the curtain and pulled it open, rays of golden sunshine poured into the bedroom.

Beth moaned again and pulled the duvet over her head.

"Elizabeth! Wake up!" I moved to the bed and pulled the duvet off her.

She opened her eyes and glared at me.

"What?!" She snapped, her voice hoarse from sleep. "You're making me regret sleeping over at your place."

I snorted "Like you had a choice".

"And I told you to stop calling me that name"

"What name? Oh, you mean Elizabeth?" I asked sweetly.

"You said it again. I'm going to maim you, I swear!" She screeched, or tried to screech.

I laughed at her. Beth has being my bestie since high school. Unknown to us back then, we were both dating the same guy. Beth had found out and instead of being nasty about it, she had walked up to me and calmly informed me, with evidence, of the two-timing, cheating scum of a guy.

She had suggested we come together and plan the perfect revenge.

Well, our planned revenge was truly epic, and let's just say the bastard would think twice before cheating on his next girlfriend. That's if he was able to get one after we finished him off.

Beth and I had become inseperable since then. We had only one rule:

'NEVER FALL IN LOVE'

Men are not worth the stress after all.

"Use 'em, dump 'em" was our motto.

Enjoy them while they last and move on.

We had had series of boyfriend after our revenge episode, but we remained true to our motto. Never letting any slimy snake, called a guy get too close to us. You bring them close to your heart, they grab it and shred it to pieces, leaving you empty and dry physically, emotionally and sometimes financially.

Beth is an IT consultant, she travels from one city to another helping companies and businesses set up their IT units. She is very good at what she does. Many companies had tried to employ her but she prefer to freelance.

"I need caffeine." Beth whined, "like right now."

"If you want coffee, you have to come to the kitchen. I'm not serving you in bed."

"I like my coffee hot and black."

"I know." I rolled my eyes, "same way you like your men."

"I don't have a man now." She said with a straight face.

"Aaaw, take heart dear." I teased. "You'll have like three to choose from before the week runs out."

"Why are we even friends?" She frowned in annoyance.

"Opposite attraction, Elizabeth." I stretched my hands out like I was teaching her basic facts of life. "You are always trying to corrupt me, and I'm always trying to redeem you."

"That's not true." Her frown deepened. "And if you call me by that name one more time, i'll__"

I laughed and escaped from the room. She really hates her full name. She said it makes her feel like a sinner, like she was defiling one of the holy women in the bible.

If biblical Elizabeth was like my best friend... I can't imagine how the bible would have described her.

Some minutes later, Beth and I were nursing our second cups of coffee.

"So," she said after gulping down the last dredge. "What's got you so excited this morning? I can't remember the last time you woke up before me on a Sunday "

"Well, I have__ or rather, we have places to go and things to do."

"Places like where, and things like what?"

"I need to buy a gift for someone and I'll be needing your expertise."

"Ookay... Is this 'someone' a male or female?"

I scowled at her. "Why would I be needing you to choose gift for a woman like me?"

"So it's a guy. Why have I not heard about him?" She quirked one eyebrow at me.

I looked around my small kitchen, it is pretty in a quaint kind of style, with sky blue flowery wallpaper that matched the colour of the floor tiles. The table and two chairs where Beth and I were seated are in the middle of the kitchen. The countertop demarcated the kitchen from the sitting room.

My daddy's mum was a livly woman who had loved flowers and cooking. She spent more time in the kitchen and the small garden beside the house, than in any other part of the house. A garden that hasn't been tended since she died. I kept saying I'd get on it one day, but I've been just too busy. I had baked my first batch of cookies in this same kitchen. When Maggie, a spoilt twit in grade one, had called me a bean pole, because of my height, I had cried in the arms of grandma in this kitchen. She had held me in her arms and sang till my tears had dried. The house has always been my refuge. When she died, she willed it to me, knowing I will love it as she did.

"Hey! Rita! Snap out of it." Beth snapped her fingers before my face.

"What!"

"Your delay tactics wouldn't work on me, so you had better start confessing. Who is this guy you are planning to gift?"

"A friend."

"And his name is?"

I sighed. Beth wouldn't give up, and I really needed her help. She is more experienced with men than I am.

"James."

"Chapter what?"

I glared at her.

"Well, forgive me." She said with a sassy smile. "I thought we're now discussing the bible."

"His name is James! James Dabor." I snapped angrily.

"Why do you want to buy a gift for this James that is a friend?"

"Well, incase you haven't heard or noticed, today is Valentine's day."

"Oh! So he's your boyfriend." She smirked

"No! Yes... No" I groaned and closed my eyes, making her smirk more. I felt like kicking her.

I would just have to come clean about James. She's my best friend and I know about all her sexcapades. I do tell Beth everything but I still felt kinda weird about my slutty night.

"Let's start from the beginning" She rested her elbows on the small dining table, taking the pose of a therapist... or a detective.

I told her everything. Starting from the night I met James, to the sex, the dates, the sleepovers, the care, the expensive gifts. And I kept reiterating it wasn't a relationship. So she wouldn't get the wrong idea. We were just friends with benefits. More like months of one night stands.

"I just want to give him something in return, you know, just to say thank you for everything."

Beth stared at me, her mouth agaped.

"Why are you staring at me like that?" I got defensive "it's not like you're a saint or something."

"You mean you've been having this much fun without telling me?" She questioned slowly.

"Well, you've been very busy and you were not here, so..." I trailed off.

"So what?" Her eyes narrowed in anger as I avoided her eyes. "We talk on phone almost everyday! I knew you were hiding something." She began to wag her finger at me. "You were always in a hurry to end our calls. I thought I'm your best friend." I could hear slight hurt in her voice.

"I'm sorry okay, I just thought you'll judge me."

"Judge you? Why should I?" She was truly perplexed.

"You know... I shouldn't have had sex with him on the first day." I shrugged, "I thought you'll lecture me about how naive and cheap I made myself."

"Oh, come on." She rolled her eyes, "I've slept with a guy within five minutes of meeting him before. I didn't even know his name".

"What! You didn't. When? How?" My eyes widened in shock.

"Well..., Let's see... I think it was during one of my long trips out of town, I was really horny, you know. So I did something about it."

"I did not know. Do tell"

She laughed. "We met in an elevator, the attraction was instant and mutual. And we did something about it immediately. He slept in my hotel room that night."

"Really? You are truly the queen of all sluts Beth." We both laughed.

"Now, back to your relationship or should I say situationship?" She quipped.

"I'm neither in a relationship nor situationship with James, we're just having fun, no strings attached".

"Are you sure about that? Cause girlfriend, I've not seen you this excited about a guy since like forever."

"No. Have you forgotten our sole rule? I have no feelings for him except sexual gratitude."

"Hmmm."

"What? Look, will you help me decide the best gift for him or not?" I was becoming irritated with her attitude.

She smiled, "don't get all riled up, I'll help you. But I hope you know getting him a gift on lovers day means a lot."

I became impatient with her. "It doesn't mean anything. I'm just reciprocating his good gestures." I rested my back on the back rest and folded my hands under my breasts. "Besides, he might get me a gift when he gets back tonight, I'll look selfish if I don't have something for him.'

"He's coming back from where?"

"He's an estate developer, he's out of town right now."

"Wow! Lucky girl. I know how much those guys make in this era of estate building."

"Yeah, you know that new estate everyone is talking about, Paradise Homes?"

She nodded.

"James developed it" I said with pride.

"Seriously? He's good." She crooned.

"Hmm hmm."

"Wait a minute," she stared at me. "He's coming back tonight and you're just thinking of buying him a gift?"

I shrugged, sheepishly.

The truth is, I was kinda thinking and rethinking the whole gift thing, I didn't want to come off as a gold digger or a woman looking for commitment from a man. I'm not the first, neither do I want the latter.

Beth shook her head.

"Anyways girl." She stood up, picked our empty mugs and moved to the kitchen sink to wash them.

"I'm happy for you, and it wouldn't really be bad to be in a serious relationship with someone like him__ if he's worth it, you know."

I stared at her back in silence. What is Beth trying to say? I wondered. She glanced at me, then turned back to rinse the mugs.

"All I'm saying is, we shouldn't let a teenage rule hinder us from living our lives to the fullest." She still wouldn't look at me.

"What's your point, Beth? Just spit it out."

She wiped the mugs and kept them, all the while backing me. She then turned suddenly and placed her hands at the edge of the table, looking at me squarely.

"My point is, it's time to vanquish the rule" she stated.

"Why?"

"Because we are no longer teenagers, we're in our mid twenties. We are allowed to fall in love, maybe get our hearts broken, it's part of growing up, Rita, it's the cycle of life.

"What!" I stood up angrily to face her squarely too. "Get our hearts broken? I don't want my heart broken. I want it whole and strong all my life. Broken hearts are painful, Beth. Some gets too shattered to recover."

We had begun to yell at each other, with our faces inches apart, with only the dinning table in our middle. Anger heated up between us, and something close to fear and desperation in our voices.

"A broken heart comes out stronger and better." She shot back, slapping her palm on the table. "We can't live our whole lives like this, fleeting from one guy to another, running scared when it gets deeper. We'll definitely find someone we'll fall in love with, like you are already half in love with your James."

"I'm not in any kind of love with James, whether full or half." I retorted angrily. Scared that she might be right. Was I truly falling for James? Nope. Definitely not. "And you have definitely caught feeling for someone on your last trip! You've never spoken like this."

"Yes! You are right." She affirmed with eyes wide with fear and frustration. "I've fallen for someone, but he won't sleep with me!"

We stared at each other in shock. Beth was in love with someone? Beth the freelancer? Beth, the queen of guys? How? If Beth, with all her experience and sexpertise, could fall. Am I safe? Is my heart safe?

I sighed and sat down tiredly. She also sat and placed her head between her hands.

She looked so miserable.

I forgot my anger and stood up to comfort her. I placed my arms around her shoulders, and rocked her gently from side to side. Her body was trembling slightly.

"What happened?" I asked softly.

"Nothing happened." Annoyance and frustration still clear in her voice. "That's the problem. I know he likes me and I like him too, but he won't touch me. I've tried everything, he just won't.

That shocked me enough to stop the rocking. Beth was beautiful and curvy with full breasts and butt, a shape every woman would die for, men could barely resist her. People always wondered how we became friends. She's short, while I'm tall. Though I'm not small in the breast and butt department, I'm sure not as endowed as her.

"Could he be gay?"

"No, I'm sure he's not. He's the reason I came back in a rush, to get hold of myself. Being around you helps me do that, you know". She held my arms.

We both smiled. We are each other's anchor, we've been since high school. Always running to the other to help soothe heart and body pains.

"It's alright, you'll be fine." I rested my head on hers and continued rocking. "He might not want you to see him as another notch on your bed post."

"But I want him on that bed with me, I can remove the bed post if he wants." She whined and I laughed.

"Come off it, Beth" I smacked her on the back as I untangled my arms from around her shoulders. "Stop sulking, he'll be yours soon. No man can resist you for long."

She turned in her seat to face me, gazing candidly into my eyes. She grabbed my both hands in hers. "I can see you like your James very much," the urgency in her voice scaring me a little. "Open your heart to him and see where it goes. I don't want you to miss out on love."

My fear made my heart beat faster, I like James, a lot. He's not a selfish lover. He's giving and funny. Always making me happy in and out of bed. I've never felt so cherished as I've felt with James. But there's been no words of love between us. I really didn't know much about him, except his work, which he talks about with so much passion. He never volunteered any information about himself, and neither did I.

"What if he doesn't want that from me." I whispered fearfully. "He might run if he notices I'm beginning to want... more.

She shook her head with vigour. "No. I don't think so. From what you've told me, I think he has deeper feelings for you too. He just needs a little nudge in the right direction."

I sighed dejectedly. "I'll try. Maybe our being apart like this'll make us realise we have deeper feelings for each other. Will you help me choose a gift for him?"

"You know what?" She said, regaining her liveliness. "If you can feed me, I'm all yours for the whole day."

"Great." I straightened to go cook breakfast, "I'm going to feed you till you burst, then we'll go paint all the shops in town red."

"Yay! Shopping." She screamed and we both laughed.