Chapter 60
We are half way around the stadium, I've stopped sobbing and the snot from my nose is easing but I feel lightheaded so I ask to stop. I sit down on the floor and breathe in for 3 and out for 4 a technique I have used before, a technique that has helped me with my previous anxiety and depression.
Yoongi comes and sits next to me, I put my head on his shoulder and he leans his head against mine. "What is going through your mind now?" He asks me. That's a tough question, what isn't going through my mind right now. "The main thing is I can't believe this has happened to me again! I seem to be a magnet for it. Out of all of my friends I seem to be the one that is easily betrayed by those that I love. Yoongs, I in no certain terms declared my undying love for him last night and this is how he repays me? He would risk it all for a quick fuck with a stranger in a broom closet? I never imagined that this would be something I ever had to worry about with him. What do I do now?" The tears start rolling down my cheeks again and the lovely sweet man on my left puts his arm around me for the second time and holds me in a comforting embrace.
"I really don't know Aimee, I have never had to deal with anything like this and I am sorry you are having to go through it again. I wish I had some sage advice for you, but I don't know where to start. I suppose the biggest things would be, can you forgive him, and does he deserve a second chance?"
It's warm today, the sun is high in the sky already even though it's still early. I take a few minutes, close my eyes and concentrate on the feeling of the warm air touching my skin, the slight breeze moving the whispy bits of my hair and try to get that image of her straddling him out of my head. "I know it sounds stupid, but I think I am more bothered by the fact he was kissing her than actually having sex with her!" I say trying to get out some of the thoughts that are swirling in my brain.
"Why is that? Explain it to me" Yoongi replies in a soft voice. I take a deep breath in and blow it out and answer. "When you make love to someone, it's passionate, you are connected, you look at each other, you kiss. When you are just fucking someone to fill a need it's usually just the act, no pleasantries. I am not saying I condone what he has done, I most definitely am not, but if it was 'just sex' like I know he will say it was, why kiss her? That for me tips it over from meaning nothing".
Yoongi shifts position so he is looking at me meaning I have to lift my head. He is taking in what I have said and is pondering a response. I really like how he takes his time with replying sometimes, it shows just how smart he is. He doesn't feel the need to blurt out the first thing his brain suggests. He takes it slow to make sure he says the right thing. "I see your point, and forgive me for being a little harsh here, but when you slept with Jungkook the other day, didn't you kiss him?" Fucking hell, this man is so good at making you reflect on your own actions. "Yes I did, but the scenarios were different. I was not on my own with him. Namjoon was there participating in it. I asked his permission to kiss him. We both allowed it to be more intimate. That was the same with Namjoon when Jimin allowed him to join us. There was consent for it to be like that".
He nods, I think he agrees with me, again he takes his time to ask more questions. "Have you had the opportunity to cheat on anyone in your life?" He asks, intrigue on his face. "Yes, plenty of times, and whilst I have been with and married to Joon, but I haven't let myself go there" I tell him. "Why do you think that is?" He queries. "Because I know how it feels to be in this position and I would never want to make anyone feel like this". I can't help it and I start crying again, I think I have used up most of my bodies water reserve, and my lightheadedness is back. I feel a wave of nausea hit me and then everything goes black.