Chapter 3 : Thalia

I hate the vampires that come to me looking for favors.

Night after night, all I can think is that maybe I will leave the area. I have many places to go. Every night, I say that I will discuss the idea of leaving with Pam.

I have to get away. I am sick of it all. If I had never made that promise I would not be sitting here feeling … nothing but hate and regret.

I used to hate feeling those feelings. I want to feel what I felt before. I miss those feelings. Almost more than anything, I long for them. I long for her.

Fangbangers approach me every night; night after night after night. What they want, I cannot and will not give to them.

Night after night after night they leave looking dissatisfied and feeling disappointed. I belong to only one. I used to laugh at the vermin but no more. They no longer amuse to me.

Take earlier tonight for instance. A red haired woman stood in front of me. She professed her love and admiration. I never even looked at her face.

I looked past her and I said, "Get the fuck away from me." I didn't even see her leave. I returned my attentions to the door. Looking at the door is a nightly ritual that I have done since Sookie was taken from me.

Every night, I look at the door of Fangtasia and hope that her death was just a dream and that one night, she will walk in and see me waiting for her.

Her eyes will never leave mine. She'll have a smile on her face that would break any vampire's or man's heart. She'll give me a sweet wave as she walks to me.

She'll have on a billowy dress; yellow, a summery yellow. Her hair would fall over her shoulders and when she reaches me, she'll throw her arms around my neck.

She'll kiss me and tell me that she missed me all day. I will touch her face and tell her over and over again to never leave me and how I'm never going to let her go.

I'll bury my face in her hair and I will then inhale the sweetness that is Sookie. I will be soothed by the sounds of her heartbeat and her sweet giggles as I nuzzle her neck.

She'll laugh at me and tell me that I am being silly. She'll say that nothing is ever going make her leave me. She'll call me baby and hug me all night long.

I wish that I could hear her call me 'baby' just once more.

She'll then tell me that she loves me and then we'll share. We'll share everything; her day, my night, our love, our bodies. But it never happens.

Even though it never happens, I never stop looking at the door. Tonight was just like last night and the night before that and the many nights before.

She didn't come.

I looked at the entrance and I could see that Pam was looking just as bored as I was; if not more.

She detested and loathed being used as a sideshow but she knew that she was needed; not for Fangtasia but to make sure that I didn't meet the sun.

She was going to make certain that I kept my promise to Sookie. Pam knew what I was going through; what I was feeling.

Our grief and heartache make us equals; not in status but in love. She babysits me as much as I consent to. I am appreciative of that and I made sure that she knows it.

As I thought about her, she turned and winked at me and then returned her focus back to the things that she so lovingly calls her vermin.

After a short time, Pam came to sit with me on the platform. For the next two hours, I sat with her by my side and we watched the activities of the bar.

We watched as the fangbangers milled in and out. They were either on the arm of a vampire or they left alone.

The bartender, Immanuel, was working away at mixing the drinks and keeping the vermin and vampires happy. He was a great addition to the bar and he brought Pam gratification.

Immanuel was the brother of Pam's now dead lover, Miriam. He only works on Mondays and Tuesdays because he owns a beauty salon in Monroe and those are his days off.

The rest of his days keep him pretty busy. From my understanding he makes a very good living at doing what he does. Pam said that he needed the money but I know the truth.

She needs him.

Thalia and Maxwell Lee were guarding the door. Indira and two new human waitresses (I never bothered to learn their names) were waiting tables. Different vampires were scattered throughout the bar.

They had to be a part of the scenery as repayment of favors or to live in my area. Some of them didn't like the idea of being put on display but that's the price that they had to pay to stay in Louisiana.

As Pam and I talked, Thalia came to us in a rush. She looked from me to Pam. She looked as if she was lost.

I had never seen her look like that before. The small vampire has always been very cool and merciless.

She has always made it a point to never show emotion. She has always been bad-mannered, hot tempered, and she takes great pride in scaring the humans.

I've always believed that was the only thing that kept her coming to the bar each night. Sookie used to say …never mind. It didn't matter what she used to say.

For some reason, the humans love Thalia. Many of them are devoted to her because of her rudeness and her intolerance of them. They've even gone so far as to make a website dedicated to her.

There's even a reward for the human that catches her smiling. It never happens. She always has a sullen look on her face. But tonight she looked almost afraid.