The Beginning

I was a normal person struggling to live day by day. yet it got me nowhere, no matter how hard I tried I was broken. there was no incident in my life to explain the way I am, I was just born that way.

I tried so hard to be normal, but I couldn't do it. I was like shattered glass, I tried so hard to keep myself together. but the more I tried to be something I was not the more I broke.

I couldn't work I lived on government entitlement programs. barely surviving month to month, and yet I still couldn't bring myself to go work even when I ran out of money.

I had to live with my family and have them support me because of my mental conditions, at least that's what they called them. I never considered them a mental condition I always just felt normal.

I couldn't even find love because I was scared of my love. because it was more of an obsession, it was poisonous and dangerous and I didn't want to risk being with someone.

I had a family that loved and supported me but they didn't understand the way that I felt. my grandmother who I lived with didn't understand mental conditions.

she would always make my depression worse but I couldn't tell her that, because I loved her too much. I didn't want to put too much pressure on her.

my mother had seven children in total, six were her own and one was my father's from before they got together. I know my mother, father, and brothers love me but they had their own lives to live and had too much going on.

I didn't want to burden them with my problems and my insanity. my father was arrested when I was still a child. my mother remarried when I was a teenager.

me and my step dad didn't see eye dye at first but over the years I slowly grew to respect him. it takes a real man to marry a woman who has six children and then have another child with her.

I tried my best to live a normal life, and keep my family as far from possible from my conditions. I could barely function as a person, I couldn't make my own appointments, I kept forgetting to pick up my medicine.

it was getting harder and harder to fall asleep, and it was getting harder and harder to wake up. I can feel myself spiraling, I could feel my mind shattering and breaking the pieces. I knew what the problem was, the problem was society and its laws.

I didn't fit in, all I could think about was the very things that they said were wrong. I wanted to hurt people, I wanted the world to end, I wanted so much for the world to be more interesting than it was.

but that would never come to be, so I escaped into the only thing that made me feel alive and normal. I began to read, I escaped into wonderful worlds, and fantasies that would never be able to appear in the real world.

I dreamed and hoped that I could be like them one day, transported or transmigrated into another world. I would spend most of my day dreaming of what I would do, I even thought of the abilities that I would ask for if I could.

but I knew they were only dreams and that they would never come to pass, or so I believed. until the day my dreams finally came true.