MY SIXTEEN BUCKET LIST

6th April, 20??

My Sixteen Bucket list.

Dear Dia,

I must have slapped myself a few times for the err I made in my last entry. I had totally forgotten that it was a Saturday. Perhaps it was because I attended school for the extra-curricular activities that I needed to boost my college essay when I would be applying next year.

Or I had been so engaged with my conversations with Liam that it slipped my mind. Whatever was the case, I know I deserve more slaps than the ones I've awarded myself.

Seeing that today is a Sunday, a plain one at that. We stayed home. By 'we' I mean myself, Henry and Felicia. Dad had left to wherever his expert closing talents were needed this time. It wasn't even long after he showered me with love the only way he knew how. I think it was just 12 days after he more than fulfilled the contents of my list.

As a sign of goodwill, I had hugged him on that morning before he left. A gesture I hadn't done in forever. He was a bit taken by it. At other times, I normally grumbled goodbye or kept mute entirely. Now that I write about it, I wonder if perhaps he read more meaning from the gesture than I had intended. Especially with that glowing smile that stretched across his lips.

Don't get me wrong, Dia. It's not that I won't forgive him… it's simply that whenever I try, all those unlike-him things he did makes it hard. That hug was just my way of saying "Thank you for the gifts, I will see if I can find a way around those awful things you put me through, and please take care of yourself." Not what he must've read, which undoubtedly was,

"I have forgiven you."

I had tried to clear up the whole misunderstanding, but how could I when he hugged me back like I was air, itself. Like he couldn't let go and when he eventually did, the smile that radiated on his face would mark me as the cruelest being if I carried out my supposed intentions.

But really, why is it so hard to forgive, or maybe I have forgiven him but simply can't bring myself to forget. Honestly, of the two "forgiving and forgetting", I don't know which is harder and which I have managed to do. The whole thing is just confusing because, I swear, I really want to forgive him but… I just can't… at least not yet. 

My emotions are already building up within, so pardon me, Dia, for I must take a step away from that memory.

Dread had filled every part of me at the thought of having to spend the rest of the day within the confines of our house. Of course, I had options, but I couldn't really take any. I could go to 'Jerry's Place' but after spending the last few days there with Liam, it would give people another reason to start talking. More so, it would seem as clingy as fuck. I could also decide to pay Michelle a visit, but as strong Christians, they are, I bet it would be a while before they return from service.

Again, Michelle's parents haven't really warmed up to me… yet. As black immigrants from Nigeria with strong Christian faith, they are kinda picky when it comes to the peers their daughter hangs with. Perhaps I will need to tone down my bitchy attitude whenever they're around.

I won't exactly call myself an introvert because it seems I'm outwardly directed and very social, but I think I have a bit of both which makes me… an ambivert. I like staying indoors, but only for a while, and I love the outdoors for a while also. There are days when I would want to curl up in my room all day and there are days the walls of our house seem too confining… too restraining.

Today was one of those days, though I enjoyed playing video games with Henry, but that had lasted only for a while before he left to work on his science fair project. Left to my own devices, I didn't know what to do with my time, and I had no appetite for words or books, so studying and writing were out of the question. 

Finally, I became a couch potato and watched rom-coms. There were lots of episodes I was missing out on and there has never been a more perfect time to catch up. Felicia joined me after cooking, and I allowed her because I had no strength to argue and, besides watching rom-coms with another female, especially an engaging one like her, who can't keep her thoughts to herself, makes it more interesting. 

Together we munched popcorn, forgot our differences as we rooted for characters, shipped our favorites, waged war with those who stood in their way to a happy ending and temporarily forgot reality- reveling in a world where love and happiness can conquer hatred and sadness.

For hours, we stayed gripped by this world of fantasy, until a knock startled us back to reality. It was around 3pm when that knock came. We had been so engrossed by the recent turn of events in the episode we were watching that we prayed whoever was at the door would go away. But the knocks came again and again, no matter how much we wished our silence would whisk the person away.

It wasn't until we heard the voice of no other but Mrs Evelyn Okorie– Michelle's mom did I make for the door. And behold, Michelle Okorie, my friend, stood with her mom on our porch. They still wore their church outfits but in place of their shoes, soft flip-flops decked their feet. Their visit wasn't really a surprise, since both women were friends even before Dad married Felicia. But it was a bit shocking since it had been a while since they called on us.

I thanked the heavens for their presence and left the two women to enjoy each other's company and scintillating rom-coms while Michelle and I dashed for my room. I had asked her why they visited, but she just shrugged and said,

"You guys weren't in church today and an important announcement was made concerning the upcoming Easter celebration. My mom thought it wise to come give your stepmom the update so you lot won't embarrass yourselves and give people another reason to murmur and gossip about your family."

I didn't care about the update, so long as she came. In my room, she once again appreciated the decor and commented on mom's gorgeous looks. Then as we sat to have all kinds of girls talk, she spotted you, Dia, arranged on the shelf in accordance to the years. Of course, it wasn't her first time seeing you, and she was well aware of how I can get when one gets even a dozen feet close to you.

She had been walking towards the shelf where you were arranged until she seemed to remember herself and she spun and asked,

"You don't have to look like you are going to bite my head off. I know you hate it when anyone approaches Dia, but surely as friends, I can see your sixteen bucket list, can't I?"

I gave her an incredulous look which made her add,

"That's if you have one, of course. But you should, anyone who writes entries as much as you do usually has bucket lists. Now come show me, fast I want to see what beautiful Anna has planned for sixteen."

I had totally forgotten about the sixteen bucket list I had made 6 years ago. I had made it with my girls ( Diane Dallas, Shay - Sharon Franks and Erica Reed). We had decided to make them on a sleepover night at our house. Sleep had been an alien that night and not even mom's stories were able to cause our eyelids to shut. The idea had been Shay's, and together we had drafted our individual sixteen bucket lists. Oh! those days!, I will have to internet-stalk those girls and know what they're up to these days.

Making my way to the shelf, I slid year 10 out and went back to sort through the pages for my sixteen Bucket list, I was merely ten seconds into it when I found it. Before I could even read through it, Michelle grabbed it and went to a corner to read my thoughts six years ago. Her laughter as she handed it back was enough proof of just how stupid and naive we had been then. But who could blame us? We were girls who believed tomorrow would always be the same and life hadn't dealt with us.

Let me rephrase that "life hadn't dealt with me". I don't know about the others, but life really has landed such vertiginous blows that then was just a preamble before I really experienced life.

"Stare at it all you want, but you know it won't do, we have to make you another list and do you know who seems to have ample time…" she gestured to herself and finished "moi."

She was right, the old list was childish, it was time for a list that bore my age and the shit I've been through to get there.

Sprawled on the blanket spread on the wooden floors of my room, we drafted a new sixteen Bucket list. It took hours, but we got it done, this is it, Dia;

[✓ ] Keep writing to Dia

[ ] Dethrone the Divas

[ ] Become head cheerleader

[ ] Pop my cherry

[ ] Make Liam Denvers– mine

[ ] Try a shot or two at alcohol

[ ] Get a tattoo 

[ ✓] Learn how to drive 

[✓ ] Get my own car and license 

[ ✓] Become the IT girl again 

[ ] Go to prom/homecoming 

      with Liam Denvers

[ ] Make more friends 

[ ] Host a sleepover 

[ ✓] Honor mom's memories

[ ] Go to the beach 

[ ] Swim with the dolphins 

[ ] Play beach volleyball 

[ ] Swim in the ocean 

[ ] Feed ducks

[ ] Go to a drive in movie 

[ ] Go to a movie alone 

[ ] Sleep under the starlight

[ ] Watch the sunrise and 

      sunset

[ ] Take artsy pictures 

[ ] Build my social media

      presence 

[ ] Take a long hike

[ ] Ride a motorcycle 

[ ] Have a movie

      night/marathon 

[ ] Take my new girls on a

      shopping spree 

[ ] Dance before a flash mob 

[ ] Go on a road trip 

[ ] Kiss in the rain 

[ ] Go on a date 

[ ] Have a picnic 

[ ] Have a spa day 

[ ] Visit a yoga studio 

[ ] Improve on chess

[ ] Finish five book series 

[ ] Finish five poem collections

[ ] Go clubbing with fake ID

[ ] Get tan

[ ] Go to a live concert 

[ ] Bake and cook 

[ ] Go bowling 

[ ] Go ice skating

[ ] Try s'mores 

[ ] Look for colleges

[ ] Find my fire 

[ ] Nurture my passion

[ ] Go to Starbucks 

[ ] Attend a car wash party

[ ] Learn to play a music

      Instrument 

[ ] Tie messages to balloons & 

      let them go

[ ] Ride a horse

[ ] Learn another language

[ ] Take a selfie before a 

      monument 

[ ] Go to an aquarium

[ ] Host a game night 

[ ] Have a shot at surfing

[ ] Spend a day doing nice 

      things for strangers

I know they are much but Michelle had kept adding items because she feels as my friend, we'll do most of them together. 

They left some minutes ago and I started writing almost immediately. I will have to start crossing some items off from this list, starting with those listed first like Item 2 and 3. The rest will be looked into with time.

I must practice more routines to best everyone at the tryouts tomorrow, wish me luck, Dia.