Chapter III
JUST KEEP SMILING, BEUTIFUL/HANDSOME.
[Author's Thought: I will begin this part in an encouraging way. I know something is going on in your head right now and I can only think of how amazing and strong you are for keeping on choosing to be alright even though it's not. We have variations of sorrow and pain but that is all part of life. Just think that this is just a trial, a trial that you must finished because you know to yourself that you can. I believe in you and as well as God. Cheer up! You'll be someone like your ideal.]
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"See you again sir", I wave goodbye and finally ride on my bike down to the nearest store to buy some supplies for this hurtful night of Reighly. I almost forgot that I have a friend to comfort later when I get back to my apartment. I wish everything is alright now between those two.
After that short encounter of Sir Polar at the flower shop I didn't expect that he would literally teach me about planting and potting different plants. The things that must be done by a gardener to successfully achieve plants' full growth. According to him a good gardener is the one who can handle his plants for as long as they may live because it doesn't end up after you successfully reached the time that your plant matured, but how could you provide again to contain its maturity state before it actually dies. That's actually a good point since I strongly believe that plants along with the animals have the rights to be taken care of and give what is the best we can give to them.
That was short involvement but I actually gain another life lesson from that encounter. I should have stroll more often around the city to see if I could encounter the same experience just as this day. I stopped after I found a small convenient store around the neighborhood and pull up my bike on a nearest post. I enter to the store and directly straight to the tissue section on which I grab five pieces of it. I walked around first before I went through the counter to pay since It's still early to get home after that incident. I walked passed through a chips section and grabbed two packs of Lays from the rack. Next is on the refreshments section on which I took two soda cans and straight up ahead to the counter to pay. I watch my wrist watch. It's still afternoon. I decided that I would get back an hour before dinner to prepare.
"Here", the cashier hand over to me my bag of purchases. I just smiled and went straight back to my bicycle.
"Where should I go next?", I talk to myself while carrying the things I buy just now from that local store. I still have remaining time before my given allotted time to get back to my apartment. I'm sure they are still there arguing their complicated relationship. A was about to ride my bike when my phone from my back pocket chimed. I looked upon it to see who's sending me the message.
From: Rei
Message: We're out. You can now go back to the apartment.
I put back my phone in my pocket after I read the message and start paddling back to my apartment. Guess my next destination is my apartment. I finally arrived and I saw that Reighly's car isn't there, they must have used it to went somewhere else. I locked my bicycle outside and immediately climbed up to my apartment's floor. The room is so silent, they must have really gone somewhere else. I put down my purchases on the kitchen's countertop and headed to my room. I've seen Reighly's luggage is still there but the clothes which are inside of it are all over the floor and my bed. What just happened here? This all looked messed up.
I walked around and observe my bedroom for a sign of unusual arrangements but there's no such thing except on Reighly's messed up luggage. I picked up one by one the the garments that was on the floor and started folding it to put it back inside the luggage. The cleaning is done so I head back to my kitchen countertop to settle all the things that I just buy a little moment ago.
My attention changed when the door suddenly opened and let out Reighly look depressed and so sad. I already expected this thing to happen, I'm not so sure how I can comfort her again. She immediately ran off towards me and quickly hugged me tightly, I did the same thing as well and rubbed her back for comfort.
"Shhh... This too shall pass. You're gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine", I encourage and rub even harder on her back.
The silence of the room diminished by the loud and emotional cry from Reighly. I know the neighbors can hear this but all I want for them right now is to understand the situation and let the unclear atmosphere subside. I escort her inside my bedroom and help her sit down on my bed while I'm on the floor staring at her sobs and continuous crying.
"Shhh... This is gonna be fine. You'll gonna be fine", I said repeatedly and sit beside her. This is going to be a long cry out night, I just wish everything will be alright right now.
"He confessed. It was really them entering that hotel. I don't know why I keep thinking that maybe somehow it wasn't real. That somehow what I saw is not even him and just someone else", after she said it she looked at me with full sadness in both of those eyes. I really hate to see her like this, so sad and dejected. "I didn't mean to feel this. I didn't", she finally said before she continuously burst into tears.
I capped her head, "Shh... Shh... I know it's not. I know it isn't". I hugged her tightly. The scent of Reighly's favorite perfume immediately registered in my brain. The sobbing intensified which push me to even tightly hold her until the tearing session subside.
[Author's Thought: There are some things in the world that are much more hurtful to handle and even more tough than physical pain and that includes our fragile emotions. Emotional conflicts are way more serious as to think of it, and a very much dangerous to handle. In a matter of fact, this serious situation can actually turn someone into not and can make serious affliction of itself just for the satisfaction to feel peace, and the only peace they all knew is if they end their life and that's why there are highly percentages of people killing themselves. Emotional conditions are is so tricky that you can't even see it from the person unless the person who are experiencing this will take the action to share and reach out for help. This is not come up in a just a snap, it totally undergone a long process until it's now very much to handle and burst on its own and that is now the most dangerous part to the person who is experiencing the same situation. If we could see any glimpse of sign from any person you encountered please take an action and help them for as long as you can. They'll just needed you. A listener and a companion to rely on. Let's help one another to encourage each other in any way and in every way we can.]
It was already past 8 o'clock in the evening and Reighly was still on my bed lying after that excruciating session of crying. I think she's asleep so I walked around and closed the curtain of my bedroom. I watch as Reighly asleep, there's still pain in her face even though she's diverted already from her harsh reality. I gently walked out of my bedroom and closed the door.
I immediately felt worried about Lex right now. I should have been there for him. I should have just stayed at mom's place. I pulled out my phone from my back pocket and was about to call Lex's number but I stopped after realizing the possibility that he wouldn't pick it up. I end up dialing the number and leave the negative idea. If I have to stretch out further just to reach him I'll do it, no matter what the cause.
The ring continuously on going but after a few minutes there's no response and my call directly straight in his voice mail, just as the same the last time I call him.
"I-It's me. I-I just want you to know that I will go to your birthday this weekend and Uhmm..", I paused and breathed for one last time before I continued what I was going to say. "... that I will always be here with you", I finally said and waited for a little moment for a hope that he would pick up the phone but no such thing happened.
"O-Okay, see you this weekend, bye", I timidly spoked then hung up the call. I sighed after I put back my phone. I just really wish he would start to talk to me right now. How I really wish.
Since I was a kid I've been very doubtful and frightened of what will come next if I continuously live out into this world where the future is indefinite and change is inevitable. The consciousness of everyone is different from what can relate to another and that's what I perceived to be as an authentic being. I've been hearing that only intellectual perception and conceptions are the only things that have definite explanation and can only wash out confusions and lack, but what if they were wrong? What if there's something more wonderful that can explain things that can not be explained by either science or anything.
I immediately woke up bothered and startled. I swung my head to my right and left to see the place where I woke up and eventually recognized that I was safely sleeping in my apartment's bedroom. A series of wind suddenly barged in into my open windows and carried on its way the scent of the peony flower that was seated on the window sill of my apartment. A crack on the door pulls away my attention from the open windows. She was steadily standing on the entrance wearing her University uniform with a bland look directly towards myself.
"What's this?", I confusedly asked. As I recall yesterday afternoon she was crying her guts out and now she's already capable of going to her job? How can I be this lady if ever my heart is broken for the first time? She's way more than this as I thought.
"What else do you want me to do, cry and imprisoned myself here?", she disgustedly answered walking all through aggressively to my window and closed it with her slender arms and properly polished nails. "You knew I am not that kind of a person Caroll...", I blinked "...one cry is enough". I watched as she held a deep sigh then turned on me crossed handed.
"Well...", I can't even say a single word except for that.
"Your breakfast is on the countertop. I have to go", the words she only said before she finally disappeared in my bedroom. Well, I guess that's it. Even though I already experienced the same thing as before yet it still afflicted the same affliction on me.
I finally hopped out of my bed and went straight to my bedroom's bathroom to wash myself and get ready for my day. My mind didn't escape from the coldness of the water and the sudden flash of last night's dream.
What was that dream last night? I haven't had any sort of dreams like that before. I can't see enough how that situation has some relation to my real-life events, or does my mind just play tricks on me again? Subconsciousness of individuals is more complex than I thought. I didn't understand mine as well.
My phone chimed as I just finished closing the bathroom. A reminder on the screen pops out Lex's birthday font lettering. I dial mom's phone number and after several rings she finally picked up.
"Darling? I was supposed-", I didn't let her finish first and took the instinct to answer the first minute of the phone call.
"Yes! I remember that's why I will be there this afternoon. I have something to do first and then after that I can go. How's the preparation?", I asked.
It's a bit silent in the background which makes it odd in this situation since they must have already prepared at this minute for the gathering this dinner evening.
"I-Its good. Everything is fine...", there's a short pause, "...well, i-it's good to know that you remember. I--We'll wait here then", the nervousness in her voice didn't escape from the frequencies on the line. It makes me confused and bothered by what is actually happening.
"O-okay", I answered.
"Okay bye sweetie", she said and finally hung up the call.
Even though the call was not as clear as my grades in high school, my brain is able to forget what happened earlier and proceed to my daily task. I went straight to my small kitchen and found a plate with sunny side up, toasted bread and a black coffee. I immediately smiled since I knew that this is once in a lifetime to eat this kind of setup since my lazy ass prevented me from grabbing some ingredients to cook and just settle to take up cereals and milk in the fridge.
I was enjoying my day and my breakfast when a not registered being suddenly had the guts to knock on my door and break the tranquility of my day. I immediately frowned and aggressively walked towards the door. A sign of a knocker is missing but I recognize an anonymous lonesome envelope sitting above my door mat. I sweep side by side my head to hover and observe any person leaving or hiding on the floor but yet there's no such thing as any handkerchief. I picked up the envelope and finally closed the door leaving one last glance before entering.
I put it beside my breakfast food on my living room table and stare confusedly on the anonymous parchment. I examine the outside of the envelope. It's just a plain light blue with no sign of the sender except to only a small navy-blue paw print on the lower left side of the back of the envelope. A letter with no name of a sender, sounds creepy and a very serial killer thing to do.
My apartment telephone suddenly rang. My heart almost skipped its cage but I'm most concerned about who might be ringing on my phone at this very creepy moment. I am highly likely to think that this must have some sort of connection to the envelope since the ring was just right on time after I got the envelope from a stranger that just dropped it in front of my apartment room just right before the moment.
I slowly creaked myself out towards the standing table on were the telephone is and made a second thought not to answer the query since my mind drives me to think the possibility that I might actually get a death call from a sort of gang group or a serial killer that has peculiar taste in killing women, specially like me trapped alone in a room.
The ringing finally ended but this was followed by a chime from my phone right after the ringing distorted. The message was coming from Reighly and she wanted us to meet at our favorite local café located near Santa Frauveigh at Little downtown Carso this afternoon. I replied to her text and said my agreement to her invitation. This is not peculiar for her cause there might be possibility that my assumption is right to what's behind this little soirée really is.
As the ticking starts nearer to our agreed time to meet with Reighly I ready myself to leave the house with a brown envelope on my right hand. Everything is now set for the house for me to leave as I should be. I decided to take a cab since the location is a bit farther from my apartment and I'm too emotional to paddle down to the place.
Reighly texted me again when I was on the cab saying she was already there and will wait for me at the café. An immediate nostalgic sound from the open radio of the driver sent an immediate positive beat on my body. Which helps turn my previous mood from hysterical to something calmer and more relaxed. I spent the left travel time in watching random people that we'd passed by.
The ride finally stops in front of the café and I already saw from my position Reighly's slender body in her University uniform.
"Thank you", I said right after I lent my fare to the driver.
I straight ahead to the glass door of the café and walk directly to Reighly's table. The scent of brewed and fresh coffee automatically registered on my brain by my nasal receptors. The café has its own simple vibe yet attractive and irresistible, just as their coffees. No reason why this is most of the city's fav spot among those downtown stores.
"What's up? I got your message", I help myself sit on the chair opposite hers and put beside the chair my shoulder bag and on the top of the table my resume for my new publishing target company.
"Gladly-" a small relieve smile pulls out from both edge of her crimson lips "... I dismissed my class early today, and I as well leave a sick note in case the admins wanted anything from me I can use it as an alibi", she simply said on which drives me confused to what actually she wanted to convey.
"And why would you do that?", I bothered asking.
"Isn't Lex's birthday this day? Let's treat him to some new stuff", she excitedly announced. The upbringing energy of Reighly only brings me back to my phone call period of my mom earlier. She sounded nervous and a little bit worried, but for what reason?
"I think that's not a good idea, Rei. I bet he would just snagged off those gift boxes and pick them out to throw on the trash...", I sigh as I remember what he just did to my present at his last birthday gathering. "... just as he did to mine", I muttered under my breath. I feel the sympathetic look on Reighly's face as my head points directly towards the outside glass window.
I sigh once more looking now to Reighly, "And he's now gone totally mad, just because...", I can't even say the whole thing.
"I believe the correct term is broken", my eyes absolutely chanted and look back at her as I heard she said that spell. "He's still on pain Caroll, and being broken is the worst part in life, you know that. Clearly, Lex's definitely still on arguing on himself about that incident, that which gives way of being who he was right now" I tightly stare at Reighly compelled.
I was astounded by how Reighly perceived the obscure side of life and extracted the most significant outcomes and morals in that chapter, even though she just recently experienced another heartbreaking night from a guy.
"And of course, to yourself", she finished.
"You're right", I undoubtedly agreed, "Because sometimes I feel like I'm holding back of myself".
"Well, that's what it is. Sometimes we have to look back to our past to understand what is in the present. The movie was really awesome by the way", my brows furrowed as I looked at her unassuredly.
"Movie? Seriously?", she simply nodded at me for her answer, "unbelievable" I just said forfeited. Therefore, all those things that she just spilled out came from a movie that she just watched?
"Besides, the movie has a point about Caroll", I lazily lifted my head up to look at the café's ceiling while both of my hands were on my nape for support. I am exhausted. My mind is torturing me right now.
"I'm feeling guilty right now Reighly", I mumble, "The last time I visited mom's place it didn't go well. Lex is still on his usual behavior, mom's been this humble and understanding parent while on the other side, here I am not even giving anything to them except birthday presents".
All this time I've been chasing work and work and nothing else. All I think these past few years is to get a regular job because I thought our life would be stable if I had one, but now, I think, I just wasted a few good years to get back to them. All the time I wish that everything is gonna be fine but it didn't. I've been chasing my whole life getting my dream job yet I never think of giving the chance to be with my family all over again after that incident of my father.
"Absolutely and utterly selfish of me not giving them a way, Lex in particular" I lay my head slowly on the wooden surface of the table, covering my head with both of hands as I heard Reighly sipping her usual blend of coffee with syrup on top instead of sugar.
"Did I just heard that right? Don't be so harsh on your well-being Kar or otherwise you will not get into your destination. I think Lex is fine, don't be an old hag will you. He just needed some time with himself and a little grenache to other people. It's good to have a company where they can understand you and make you feel like you're more than something that you think yourself as bad right now to be a good method of reaching out even without asking for it", I heard another sip from her. I lift my head after that and compellingly gaze at her, "the intensity of the pain and the free will of Lex has been in quarrel if you ask me. Even though I can only hear him in your tales I can still imagine the disaster the incident has brought to him this past few years. You can't fix something without you working. Maybe it's time for you to take the courage and talk to him. Things like this can only be mend with a sincere opening by our mouths, minds and specially by our hearts'', she ended up tenderly smiling.
I have never been in a serious talk with Lex lately. I can't even remember when was the last time I talked to him because he always ends up locking himself in his room after everything in the dining room. I bet this will be the same as the last, but how can I get him to talk?
"Are you already on yourself?"I immediately stared at Reighly when she asked me.
"Wh-What?"
"Because we have a party to attend to. Let's go", she eventually stands off from her seat and walks straight back to the door leaving a flirty smile to the café attendant on the counter. I didn't think twice and quickly followed her out of the café to her car.
I already felt bad for the café owner for not buying a coffee. I do really want to taste their new coffee, but for certain and morality talk by Reighly I never got the chance to evaluate the taste. I'm sure I'm gonna have on my list to get back in here for the coffee.