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DC: I am Batman

Adam, a regular guy, gets flung not just through time, but through dimensions, and BAM! He's the Caped Crusader himself. Except... he didn't sign up for the genius IQ, the ninja moves, or the whole "saving the world" gig. And the cherry on top? He gets Batman's powers and memories, but they're all from parallel universes. Talk about a batty situation! .......... Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters or the fanfic i was merely translating this. ---This is a Translation--- Original Author: Mr. Bone Frame

LIl_wretch · Anime & Comics
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39 Chs

Swamp

"The salvation of Mother Earth will begin here." Plant Master's hand remained on the map, but then, both he and Poison Ivy froze. 

"Pamela?" 

Poison Ivy's face contorted in disgust. "I feel it." 

... 

Nightfall

Slaughter Swamp, on the outskirts of Gotham, was the largest swamp in the surrounding area. It was Gotham's second-largest dumping ground for bodies, surpassed only by the Gotham Pier. For over two centuries, countless corpses had been discarded here, transforming into putrid masses indistinguishable from the murky green water and twisted roots. 

The Suicide Squad and Adam waded through the swamp's edge, navigating through clumps of reeds and cattails, guided by the gnarled trees and slippery moss.

"Ugh, this place is gonna eat me alive!" Harley Quinn swatted at the swarm of mosquitoes and other insects buzzing around her head, her pale face growing even paler. Robin pulled out a vial of liquid and sprayed it around himself, causing the insects to drop dead into the water. This immediately caught Harley's attention. 

"Oh, thank God! Can I have some?"

Tim replied, "This is concentrated sulfuric acid, a powerful dehydrating agent." 

"How dare you put such a horrible thing in your bag?" Harley exclaimed. 

"Couldn't you bring bug spray to this hellhole?" 

"Well..." 

"What, no witty comeback?" 

Three bugs circled Harley's head like they were riding a merry-go-round. Tim offered, "Maybe you need some vitamin B supplements." (Note: A lack of vitamin B can lead to irritability and anger. Here Tim is scolding Harley in a roundabout way.) 

"Whatever!" Harley retorted in her manic voice. "Your gear is like a Boy Scout's." With that, she marched ahead, slapping at her head in frustration. Unfortunately, she missed the bugs and only managed to hit herself, yelping in pain. Robin quickly caught up to Adam, and the two walked side by-side, silently observing Harley Quinn as she led the way. 

"Batman, I've always wondered... how did you find Harley Quinn?" 

Of course, he'd found her by reading comics. Harley Quinn owned a house in Brooklyn, New York, and had been diligently paying off the mortgage. Using the Wayne family's connections, he'd looked into the fanciest houses in Brooklyn, checked their owners, tracked the money flow, and then traced the salary payments to the "Super Babes" restaurant. 

But he couldn't tell the young detective that. Judging by Tim's expression, the question had been bothering him for a while. He seemed to be experiencing the painful realization of "Why can my idol do it so easily, while I can't and don't understand the process?" So, Adam could only answer, "Because I'm Batman!" 

"..." 

"Alright," Tim sighed. "Let's not talk about how you found Harley Quinn. I just want to discuss her, Batman. I hope you'll reconsider." Robin lowered his voice, "Harley Quinn is defined by her unpredictability. Based on my understanding of her, she is very likely to support Poison Ivy's plan at the last moment." 

"She might think Ivy's reasoning isn't so crazy," Tim continued, "or maybe the wind changed direction today, or it's Thursday, and that's enough for Harley Quinn to change her mind." Adam remained silent. 

"Okay, I get it, I get it—'because I'm Batman'." Tim threw his hands up in exasperation, storming off ahead, not wanting to walk beside Adam anymore. 

"..." 

This was, of course, from the comics. Harley Quinn had always been firmly against Poison Ivy's crazy plans, just as Ivy had always opposed Harley's unhealthy obsession with the Joker. In a way, they each fought against the worst aspects of the other's personality, targeting their most glaring weaknesses. It was a form of mutual redemption. So, if Harley knew the dangerous path Poison Ivy was on, she'd never let it happen. But Adam couldn't explain this to Tim, so he had to resort to the "because I'm Batman" excuse. 

"Dogwelder, are you sure you don't need any additional weaponry?" Ms. October asked from behind. Of the assembled team, she'd dealt with Count Vertigo, Deadshot, and Batman before. This strange individual calling himself Dogwelder was the only one she hadn't encountered. 

"Batman provided us with some interesting toys, didn't he, Lawton?" 

Deadshot, grunted in annoyance. Ms. October continued, "Freeze grenades, supposedly Mr. Freeze's tech, and fear toxin gas bombs that'll make you crap your pants and curl up in a ball after one whiff." 

"Hypersonic rocket launchers, surge guns, and this... ionized radiation bomb..." 

Count Vertigo remained expressionless. "These are meaningless trinkets." 

"Tsk..." Deadshot scoffed but didn't elaborate. He knew Vertigo was a pseudo-metahuman, with an electronic device implanted in his right temple to disrupt an opponent's balance. Vertigo's combat style relied on that little gizmo in his head, and he looked down on conventional weapons. 

Deadshot had no desire to argue. Given a sniper rifle, he was confident he could blow Vertigo's head off from miles away, but this close proximity was ideal for Vertigo's abilities. He wasn't stupid. Ms. October, unfazed by the men's bickering, continued addressing Dogwelder. "Listen, you—" 

"Ms. October," Dogwelder interrupted, the dog head on his left hand taking over the conversation. "Could you step back a bit? There's somethin' I gotta tell ya." 

"I appreciate your desire to understand me, and I truly wish you could, but you can't. Because I've got a problem with my brain." He spoke seriously, "There's something seriously wrong with my brain, so... unless you can always remember the fact that I'm a freak when you're around me, it's best to stay away." 

His words, however, didn't deter Ms. October. But before she could respond, Harley Quinn, who was ahead of them, spoke up. 

"I think we're almost there. Knowing Red, I bet she's turned the bushes and trees into monster guard dogs, just like in that Oz movie." Harley continued, "I'm not kidding. Once, she turned my cane and lollipop into a three-headed snake plant, and the lollipop was still in my mouth! Haven't touched one since." She abruptly stopped. "I'm positive Red's here."

.......

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