Chapter: Morning After

Getting up the next morning I knew just what I have to do. I walk over to my bathroom take out my blow dryer and straighten my hair, letting it flow down my back. Picking up my mascara and lip gloss, I cover my lashes with dark black liquid and my lips in red cherry kissable goo. taking up my foundation I give myself the 'natural' shade I am supposed to have with a small amount of blush to give extra color to my still drained face. Looking into the mirror I see the girl I was a week or so ago. I can barely remember anymore when my heart wasn't in so much pain. The girl who I now have to strive to be. The once warm, comforting glow, the assurance of who I was now lost in this chaotic universe. All that is left is the emptiness of unknowing and the unsettling of the known.

"why can't everything go back to when everything made a hint of sense and all the evil in the world were horrid humans." I whisper angrily into the air.

***

Every day I went to school with my new natural look, I wore my plastic smile on my face and made silly little jokes. Every evening at home alone I dug my head into my books. Every night at work I saw countless faces flash before my eyes in a constant blur. My body never changing, my emotions never flexing. Inside I am hollow but, on the outside, I am the 'old' me, the one everyone loves. In my dreams at night I would be with Sebastian we would talk about my day, kiss, and cuddle.

***

"Hey, Sophie!" pivoting on my heel I see Kyle running towards me.

"hey"

"Are you okay soph? I mean these past couple of weeks it's like you are, you but you're not there. You know?" he cocks his head to the side before continuing "I can't help but think of that day you came into school, you looked so sad and terrified." My smile quickly melts off my face as my eyes twinkle with tears ready to spill.

"I haven't felt good since me and Sebastian broke up." I decided to come clean. Remembering my newfound commitment to myself, I perk my face back up "but I am going to be alright. Don't worry about me okay. I'm going to be just fine."

"Well, why don't you go out with me today? I'm going to go go-carting and I know how much you like it." He adds with a coy smile.

"Thanks, but-" bowing my head as he cuts me off

"come on Soph, just one day out. It'll do you some good." Seeing he won't take no for an answer I nod my head and keep it moving to my next class. I don't want to think about moving on, it's too soon, I was engaged. However, isn't that what I'm supposed to be doing?

Unable to focus in class my mind races through the implications of me going out with Kyle. What does it mean? Are we dating now? are we just friends going out? I need to define this before it defines itself and things become too complicated. I don't want anyone to get hurt. Resolute in my new decision I leave my last class only to be confronted by my two choices. Parked in his usual spot where he has waited for me still every day looking a bit better for the wear Sebastian standing outside the car with hope in his eyes that today I will join him and things will go back to the way they were before. At the corner near the fence is Kyle waiting with his bookbag slung across his back a smile beaming on his face as he sees me walk down the pathway, walking straight towards him, my eyes though are on Sebastian. Kyle takes my bag and slings it over his shoulder and greets me with a hug that I lean into gently, all while maintaining eye contact with a stunned Sebastian that looks almost furious in his jealousy before looking hurt and defeated.

"You ready to go Soph" I hear his chipper words as they draw me back to him and the path I have chosen. The path that is right.

"Yeah" I mumble, tears lurking behind my eyelids. Walking me to the bus stop we hop on and make our way towards the fairgrounds.

***

Wondering around the fair with Kyle was marvelous. He had enough money for us to play almost every game I wanted and go go-carting. He even won me a huge stuffed teddy bear. Although, the whole time we were there I couldn't help but feel like we were being watched by someone. I tried to ignore it again as I eat my funnel cake and Kyle called his mom to come to pick us up and drive us home. It was very late and the fair but the fair was still in full swing on a Friday night.

"Kyle?"

"mhm"

"what was tonight?" I ask turning towards him. Deciding it was finally time to define what tonight meant for us.

"hmm?" his mouth quirked, and he made a face like he has no idea what I am talking about.

"What was tonight for you?" I reiterate

"It was a fun night with a girl, I'm friends with." He says smiling with a bit of strain. "What was it for you?"

"The same but you know with a boy I'm friends with," I reply. Turning back to my funnel cake I can see his hand quickly fly up then down as if he smacked himself in the face. I bend my head a little more to keep him from seeing me smile at that. Pretty soon a car pulls up in front of us and we pile in with bed in the mind.

Arriving at the house I race towards my bedroom. I place the giant teddy bear in the corner before getting undressed and putting on a negligée, I climb into bed. Fixing my hair, I look at the mirror I now keep next to the bed and see I look perfect for my nightly date with Sebastian. Closing my eyes, I cannot wait to go to sleep. The tingling feeling descends upon me and I open my eyes to see Sebastian sitting at the end of the bed pouting while looking at the teddy bear.

"Where did you get that?" He asks clearly knowing since this is all a figment of my imagination.

"You know where I got it, you were there weren't you."

"Yes," he looks at me with such sadness in his eyes that my heart melts. Crawling over to him I place my hand on his face and he lets me. "I had to make sure you'd be okay" turning up to me I can now see some anger behind his next words "but how can you move on so quickly?"

Slapping him, I stare him down before yelling "I haven't moved on! I went out with a friend to have fun because all I do is hurt, Sebastian! All I do is weep and wait for these dreams. I pretend to be okay and today for once I was able to have actual fun with a friend. How dare you make me feel bad for that!" I can feel the tears streaming down my face. This is not how tonight was supposed to go. Tonight was supposed to be magical.

He grabs my face between his soft hands and kisses me roughly, I bite back. Bruising his lower lip. He hisses in response against me but doesn't stop kissing me. We've never been this way. Never been harsh with each other. He throws me back onto the bed climbing over me while kissing his way up, nipping hard at my soft sides pulling yelps from my lips. I want to stop him but instead, I pull him higher up by his hair. I want his lips on me more. I want the bruising pressure of them on me, the demanding need of him between me. Yet, he doesn't give in he stops at my neck licking, sucking, and biting causing me to moan out loudly. The straps of my negligee fall down my arms revealing my breasts to his paw and he mauls at them. Pinching at my nipple until I plead with him, to what I do not know. The sensations of him around me fill me with more desire than I thought was possible. He's up in a flash taking off his shirt and pants before descending once again onto me lifting my gown over my head revealing my full body to him. In the light, I can see him soak in the image of me laying there. His eyes are wide with admiration of what is so clearly his. I lean up and kiss him wrapping my arms around his neck before threading my fingers through his hair, feeling his silky locks. His mouth on mine is like sipping champagne at New Year, delicious and you never want it to end. His tongue slides along mine as he deepens the kiss and I let him take control and my hands start to wander around the top of his back, lightly grazing it with my nails, eliciting groans from him. Emboldened I slip one hand down beneath his arm and run my nails along his side only to be rewarded with him grinding his manliness into my core. My eyes almost bug out of my head as I feel the full length of him, the thickness of him. I had no time to think about that before I feel it enter me and start to stretch me out. He is gentle, and I can feel his restraint as he clearly wants to go in harder. To fill me faster than he was, but he slowly enters me. Letting me ease to his girth as he goes along. Before I feel the final push of him enter all the way and something gives inside of me. There was a trickle of pain before he starts moving again while kissing my chest, lapping at it like it has melted chocolate kisses on them that has to be cleaned away. The sensations of him in me and on me are too much as he moves slowly building a rhythm. I begin to move with him, meeting him with every stroke, holding his head down to my chest begging him to kiss me more. My free hand was on his arm scratching at him begging him for more, to finish me off as I felt the climb to an impending crescendo I had never felt before. Which he happily gives me release from. I see stars before I come back down to my bed feeling him kiss my chin, my clavicle, my jaw. Whispering sweet nothings into my ears as my breathing starts to get back to normal. I can feel him start to move again. Gentle and slow again as if I would split in two if he goes back to the other rhythm, which I just might. He kisses me then long and hard as he begins to speed up his rhythm again just a little. His hands on the mattress around me hard as if he might tear it apart and I whisper into his lips "cum for me please" and as if it were magic words, I feel him release.