Don't Sniff Magic Crack
'Don't worry Harry, I may have failed you last time, but I won't fail you again! I swear I will kill that rat before he can hurt you!' Thought the black, shaggy dog as he snuck through the dungeons of Hogwarts.
Sirius had been searching for a different way into the castle ever since he was caught by that painting a few months ago, but he had forgotten most of the secret passageways so it took him months of searching to find one.
"Merlin be damned NOT AGAIN!" The dog cringed as the loud voice echoed through the dungeons. It was close, and sounded extremely pissed.
Looking around for an escape, Sirius realized that the only direction he could go right now was toward that voice. With a sense of dread at the thought of being caught before he completed his self imposed mission, Sirius seriously contemplated turning back and returning another time.
But before he could decide, he was forced to hide behind a suit of armor as footsteps echoes through the hall. A few minutes later Severus Snape walked by with a nasty scowl on his face. Sirius couldn't quite make out what he was mumbling, but whatever it was it must have been pretty bad.
Then Sirius cringed again. Why the hell did it smell like piss? Had... had someone taken a piss on Snivellus? That's awesome! No, that doesn't matter right now, he needed to focus on his mission.
Though, he supposed that it wouldn't hurt to take a quick look around good old Snivellus's potions lab, would it? After all, as a veteran he was obligated to inspect this new pranksters work.
Having convinced himself with very little effort, the dog snuck carefully down the hall and into the potions lab. He really wanted to see what had happened to get Snivellus so upset.
Carefully, he turned the doorknob to the potions lab (with his mouth, which is kind of gross), only to find the room was completely normal. Potion ingredients, potions, desk, writing materials, cat shit on a chair (That was smeared like someone had sat on it.), book shelves, books, lighting that would be perfect to brood in, everything seemed about right.
Why had he been so mad then?
'Well that was a waste of time.' Sirius thought when he realized that Snivellus was probably just mad because he was Snivellus. Sighing, Sirius was just about to leave, disappointed, when he got an idea.
Snickering, Sirius looked over his shoulder one more time to make sure nobody would walk in, before he hurried over to the ingredients rack. If he remembered the recipe correctly, he should be able to brew up a quick potion that would turn everything it touched pink. It may be extremely childish, but Sirius hadn't pulled a prank in ten years and was getting a little desperate.
*Creak*
*Snap*
Just as the dog put his paws on the rack of ingredients to balance himself, it snapped under his weight, causing all of the ingredients to fall everywhere.
One ingredient in particular being an orange powder, that, upon hitting the floor, exploded into a cloud of the stuff that filled the room.
'*Cough* *Cough* Shit, what the *Cough* hell is this?' Sirius complained between coughs as he accidentally inhaled the strange powder. But then he realized how much noise he had just made and booked it out of the room, leaving the ingredients strewn across the floor.
'Well that was a bust. Oh well, at least I made a mess. All of that should be pretty annoying to clean up tomorrow.' Sirius thought as he sprinted through the halls, forgetting that he was trying not to be seen. Fortunately for him it was almost midnight right now so few people were up.
Unfortunately for him, he was beginning to notice the effects of that orange powder.
'Woah, is that a ghost?' Sirius slurred to himself in awe as he stared at the Bloody Baron that was floating in front of him.
He was high as fuck.
The Baron however, didn't pay any attention to the dog in front of him, forgetting that those creatures weren't supposed to be in the castle. Instead he continued to float through the halls, trying to look menacing but failing due to the dog that kept hopping through him, trying to touch his ghostly bits. (Sirius wanted to see if ghosts still had penis's, but couldn't seem to understand why his paws kept passing through it.)
'Aw, come back ghost! I wasn't done yet!' The dog whined internally as the ghost floated through a wall.
He would continue pouting for a grand total of two seconds before he was distracted by the smell of a squirrel outside.
Immediately, the dog bolted upstairs seeing a window that would lead outside, that would lead to a tree, that would lead to the squirrel. Without hesitation the dog tried to jump through the window. Unfortunately magickly reinforced glass is a bit to strong for a mere dog to break, so he just ended up bouncing off of it harmlessly.
'Bloody hell, why is the wall invisible?' He thought to himself as he ran off to search for another exit.
Fortunately for the castle and it's inhabitants, the high as fuck dog wasn't going to run around much longer, on a count of the first other person he ran into.
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'CAT!' The dog yelled as he immediately charged the ginger furred cat that was walking across the hallway in front of him.
'Huh?' Said cat thought as he turned to look to his side, only to see a massive dog charging at him.
Crookshanks face paled (or at least it would have if he didn't have fur).
'D-d-d-d-d-dog DOG!' Crookshanks froze, the terror running through every inch of his body almost unbearable with the PTSD on top of it.
The barking, the thumps of his body against the floor, the impact of the dogs paw against his face, it all came back to him in a flash.
Just as the dog was about to reach him, Crookshanks was able to just barely break out of his trauma induced state of panic and booked it.
'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!' Crookshanks yowled demonically as he sprinted at his top speed-which was pretty damn fast after his "awakening"-and yet somehow that damned dog was keeping up with him!
'Cat! *Pant* Must! *Pant* Assert! *Pant* Dominance!' Thought Sirius as he chased the ginger feline through the halls at stupid speed. Like, LITERALLY stupid speeds. They were both running at speeds far greater than even a cheetah could ever hope to achieve.
Normally Sirius and other Animagus wouldn't have been able to magically enhance their body like most magical animals could due to their pure magic. But (because of the crack) he was more beast then man at the moment so his magic reacted accordingly.
Crookshanks mind was filled with images of Doberman and white furred cats, filling him with fear that he hadn't experienced sine Demon Thing.
Oh yeah, wasn't he supposed to be looking into why Demon Thing brought him here? How had he forgotten about that? Eh, it probably doesn't matter. More important things need attention right now! Like the dog that could wear him like a scarf directly on his heals, probably attempting to do just that.
Wait, dog?
'Why is there a dog at Hogwarts?' As the thoughts of Demon Thing somehow sprung him out of his terror fully, allowing him to once again think freely, he suddenly remembered his situation.
'Why the hell is Sirius Black chasing me through the castle? Better yet, why is his nose orange? Wait, no, that's probably not the more important question here.' The cat thought, before coming up with a genius idea.
'Well, if Sirius doesn't like cats, then maybe I should bring him to another dog!' Crookshanks thought, making the author cringe at what he had just wrote, but deciding to leave it there anyway for... some reason... probably.
The feline smirked at his brilliant thinking, overwhelmed by the genius of it. To bad he forgot that Lupin and Sirius weren't exactly on good terms at the moment, on a count of the whole "dead best friend" thing.
The second the two were within a thirty meter radius of each other, they smelt the other using their magically enhanced senses. Lupin (Who was rudely woken up by dog barks and demonic yowls of terror) was pissed, immediately recognizing the scent and grabbing his wand to fight. Sirius though... well, his I.Q had been decreased significantly by the orange powder, and because of this he forgot that he was supposed to be hiding at the moment.
The dog ran into the DADA office, dodging one of Remus's silent stunners and jumping onto him. Just as Remus thought that that was it for him, that the dog was about rip his throat out, it didn't. Instead the dog started licking Lupin's face.
"Sirius! What the hell do you think your doing!" Remus tried yell at the dog angrily, however could barely get a word out because of the constant licking.
Then, as Remus opened his mouth to talk more, Sirius licked Remus's tongue. After freezing for a moment to look at each other in disgust, they both turned to their side, gagging.
"Sirius what in Merlin's name is wrong with you!" Remus shouted after licking the floor to clean the dog off of his tongue. Though he was going to cast a few dozen cleaning spells on himself later to make sure.
Sirius looked like he was about to respond... somehow, he was a dog right now so he couldn't talk. He was interrupted though by a violent sneezing fit, sending the extra orange powder on his body flying around him.
Remus, upon inhaling the powder, scrunched his nose and started coughing violently. Crookshanks though, upon also inhaling the powder, merely sneezed.
Both of them blinked for a second as they felt a haze come over them. Looking back at the dog, Remus grinned widely.
"Sirius! What's this about you killing James? Why'd ya go and do that?" He asked in a lazy tone, lightly slapping the dog.
'Imma great warrior. I fought a BEAR! I killed it too... with a rock... from space! I can summon space rocks!' The cat bragged to nobody in particular as he stumbled forward, blinking a few times when his eyes landed on the dog and human in front of it.
'Hey your not my challenger! My challenger was skinnier than you! I fought him a few months ago, so I remember. He was a Doberman. I had wanted to help another cat, but the coward ran away! Can you believe it? OH! But after that I got to show off all of my fighting skills to the Doberman though! He could barely even scratch me! After kicking his ass I went home completely fine! It's the truth!' Crookshanks inner Granger came out as he tried to convince the other people in the room that he had NOT gotten his ass handed to him by a dog.
The other two just looked at the yowling cat with scared eyes. With their current state of minds the yowling sounded even more demonic then usual, scaring the shit out of them. How did this cat even make that noise?
The three continued to stumble around in the DADA office for a few more hours, before finally falling asleep. Sirius laid out in dog form across Remus's head, while Crookshanks slept curled up on Sirius's back.
Waking up tomorrow was going to be a VERY awkward experience.
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(Fukurokuju Dojo for the win.
Anyway, thanks to a comment I realized that not everybody on this sight is an anime watcher, so they don't know half the abilities that I've been giving the characters. As such, whenever I add a knew ability I will explain it later in the chapter in the authors note.
Telekinesis probably doesn't need that much explaining, but I'll do it anyway. It's the power of Tatsumaki (Tornado of Terror) from One Punch Man. It's basically just REALLY powerful telekinesis that can do crazy shit like pull meteors down from the sky, twist up cities, fly, change gravity, and much more. Whenever it's used the user is surrounded by an aura (in Harry's case a green one) as is the object they are controlling.
Haki is from One Piece. Conquerors Haki lets the user knock things out with their will power. Observation is just a sixth sense to help with dodging and such, it can also see the future and a few other things too if it's trained enough. Armament Haki gives the user magic armor and lets them punch normally unpunchable things, like rubber people.
Sunshine slowly makes the user stronger throughout the day, peaking for one minute at high noon. It gives the user sun powers, so they can do stuff like summon a small star and chuck it at their opponents, it also makes them give off more and more heat as the day progress's, to the point where they are literally glowing with it at high noon. At high noon they are in a state called The ONE, which basically makes them larger then the hulk and puts them at large island level strength. There is also a state called The Ultimate ONE, which is just an even beefier version of The ONE that can casually break countries. The side effect of all of this is that the user becomes increasingly more prideful and arrogant as the day progress's.
With that out of the way, as always, comment any suggestions you may have and leave a review if you feel like it. Thanks for reading.)