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Creepy Pharmacist: All My Patients Are Horrific

[This world is steeped in mystique.] [Vampires, werewolves, technology, magical potions, ghosts, bioengineered beings, divination, and puppets; every terrifying element you could conceive of, exists in this world.] [One must carry a lantern when stepping outside.] [One must never wander far.] [Ten meters beyond the gates, darkness will consume you.] [Whether attending to humans, ghosts, or stitched monsters, one must maintain composure at all times.] [Should you ever lose your composure, it will give rise to malicious intent.] This is the translation of the Chinese novel "Creepy Pharmacist: All My Patients Are Horrific". It's a horror comedy with more comedy than horror. I hope you enjoy it.

Fish9527 · Book&Literature
Not enough ratings
96 Chs

Your Faithful Doctor

Ten minutes later. In the operating room.

The elongated specter lay trembling on the table, watching Lynne sharpen his blade incessantly. He stammered, "Are we really going to perform surgery?!"

Lynne nodded, blowing off the blade's reflective sheen, and with eyes closed, said, "We have no choice. The root of the ailment is there. Relying on medicine alone won't be possible without a surgical procedure."

The specter shakily asked, "Can... can I get anesthesia?"

Lynne paused. He then flashed an apologetic smile and rubbed the back of his head, "Almost forgot about that again. Don't you worry, I'll administer it right now, hehehe——"

With that said Lynne quickly put down the blade, rummaging through the bottles and containers behind him.

The specter's face instantly turned (ΩДΩ).

Why did you mention "again"?! Something's not right! Isn't administering anesthesia a standard procedure before surgery?! Why do you seem so clueless about where you kept the anesthesia?!

[Specter's Sanity -10]

[Specter's Sanity -10]

His anxiety heightened as he gazed at Lynne's back, increasingly doubting the doctor's capabilities.

At that moment, he heard Lynne's voice brimming with joy, "Found it!"

The specter sighed in relief.

"It's expired?"

Lynne frowned, scrutinizing the bottle in his hand.

The specter's face twisted into (((;꒪ꈊ꒪;))) in an instant.

Lynne turned to face the specter, whose teeth chattered uncontrollably, eyes wide with terror.

"Or..." Lynne began with a furrowed brow, "Can you bear it?"

"No!!"

Without thinking, the specter shot out his hand, panic clear in his eyes. He definitely didn't want to endure the pain! Just a knock on his leg had been painful enough! If they operated without anesthesia, who knows how excruciating it could be?! If they accidentally took his kidneys in the process, that would be a true nightmare!

Seeing the patient's resistance, Lynne pondered for a moment and then said with a slight frown, "However, there's another method of anesthesia. I'm not sure if you'd be willing to try it..."

"What method?" The elongated specter's face lit up with hope.

Lynne replied gravely, "Physical anesthesia."

The specter's expression changed to one of disbelief: (;oдo) "Physical... anesthesia?"

Thud——

[Ding! You've knocked out the elongated specter. You've gained 10 experience points.]

"..."

"..."

...

[Ding! You've successfully removed the elongated specter's cyst. Your Surgical Skills +10.]

[Ding! You've corrected the elongated specter's displaced kidneys. Your Internal Medicine Skills +1.]

[Ding! You've completed an exceptional stitching job. Your Sewing Skills +10.]

Half an hour later.

Lynne supported the wobbly specter who was walking out of the operating room with an IV drip, using a walking stick and a blank expression. His head was wrapped in a bandage: a result of the physical anesthesia. His waist was bandaged: from the cyst removal. His legs were wrapped: due to rheumatism. Even his face had bandages: covering the unsightliness.

"My friend, everything went exceptionally well. The cyst has been removed, but the residual cold toxin in your body still needs further treatment. Here's a new concoction I've prepared for you. Take it punctually. Remember, don't stop the IV, and don't skip the medication. I guarantee you'll be cured in a week!"

Lynne confidently gave him a thumbs up.

The elongated specter gazed vacantly at the IV bottle hanging above him, then at his heavily bandaged knees and the entirety of his legs. Holding the walking stick, clutching a heat pack to his chest, with a heating patch stuck to his forehead.

"Thank you." The specter's voice was hollow. "I wish happiness and joy for your family."

Lynne (*๓´╰╯`๓) responded, "No need to thank me, it's all part of the job! Your bill is ready. For the surgery and medication, it totals 3000 skull coins. Would you prefer to pay in cash or... perhaps provide a small 'donation'?"

Lynne's smile was particularly kind.

The elongated specter stared blankly, "How... how much?"

Lynne replied with a friendly service tone, "Three thousand, dear customer."

That's damn expensive!

The elongated specter, with tears in his eyes (o(╥﹏╥)o), shakily took out three black skull coins from his pocket and placed them on the counter. This medical visit practically drained half of his life savings! No wonder they say hospitals are places to avoid. Both you and your wallet are bound to suffer.

"Can I leave now?" The specter asked with a woeful tone. He desperately wanted to leave this place. Coming here just for a delivery, he ended up with an unexpected medical bill.

"Of course!" Lynne smiled, quickly packing the various medicines into a bag for the specter, slinging it over his back. The remaining bottles that didn't fit were hung on the IV stand.

"And please, inspect the delivery and sign the receipt." The specter, looking even more defeated (o(╥﹏╥)o), said, "I need to report back."

"Hold on!"

With a smile, Lynne took out the four scrolls from the box and meticulously inspected them. Satisfied, he closed his eyes and returned them to the box. What he failed to notice, however, was a strand of hair brushing against his fingertip from one of the scrolls.

"I'll be right..."

Before he could finish his sentence, a system notification resounded in his ear.

[Ding! Discovered Target Illness: Congenital Paralysis]

[Ding! Discovered Target Illness: Permanent Pustular Dermatitis]

[Ding! Discovered Target Illness: Residual Toxicity from Parasitic Moths]

[Ding! Discovered Target Illness: Intermittent Limb Meltdown]

Lynne was momentarily stunned. His gaze quickly shifted to the box. He was certain he hadn't come into contact with any creatures, but these notifications...

In the next instant, his eyes landed on that strand of hair on the scroll.

"What is this?" Lynne squinted. Could it be the informant? He glanced at the elongated specter, inquiring, "Sir, has this parcel passed through anyone else's hands?"

Taking pride in his job, the specter replied with a somber tone, "No, my master always sends his parcels directly. He personally packaged this, and no other being has touched it."

Upon hearing this, Lynne understood. A smile crept into his heart. It was definitely that informant. And, judging by the list of ailments, it was no wonder the informant always lurked within Vision World, dealing in information.

Lynne recalled how he was swindled by the informant in Vision World, costing him thousands of skull coins.

With a faint smile, Lynne quickly took a pen and began to write on the back of the card.

[Ennyl:]

[Respected informant, I've successfully received your delivery and am profoundly grateful. However, it seems you've inadvertently left a strand of your hair in the parcel. Being a professional physician, I couldn't help but detect some concerning health issues from this strand.]

Lynne listed the illnesses he had identified.

[I deeply sympathize with your suffering. Should you see my reply, please remember to visit Vision World's xxxxx Potion Shop and seek out Mr. Ennyl. Remember to book an appointment and bring enough money. I can offer further diagnosis and treatment. Wishing you good health.]

[Your devoted doctor: Mr. Ennyl.]