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Creepy Pharmacist: All My Patients Are Horrific

[This world is steeped in mystique.] [Vampires, werewolves, technology, magical potions, ghosts, bioengineered beings, divination, and puppets; every terrifying element you could conceive of, exists in this world.] [One must carry a lantern when stepping outside.] [One must never wander far.] [Ten meters beyond the gates, darkness will consume you.] [Whether attending to humans, ghosts, or stitched monsters, one must maintain composure at all times.] [Should you ever lose your composure, it will give rise to malicious intent.] This is the translation of the Chinese novel "Creepy Pharmacist: All My Patients Are Horrific". It's a horror comedy with more comedy than horror. I hope you enjoy it.

Fish9527 · Book&Literature
Not enough ratings
96 Chs

The Covenant Messenger

An intelligence broker indeed!

Without hesitation, Lynne focused his gaze on its information interface. In a blink, the scene before him became distorted. The next moment, he found himself seated in a cramped room, illuminated only by a lamp on a desk and a mysterious figure in a black robe on the other side of the counter.

"Guest, what can I assist you with?" The cloaked figure inquired calmly to the suddenly appearing Lynne.

Lynne scanned his surroundings, resting his gaze on the robed figure, and responded steadily, "Are you the informant who shared the intel?"

The robed figure, seemingly used to such inquiries, replied smoothly, "I am Information Broker Number 24, responsible for the 900th area. I can offer you all valuable information within this region. However, it comes at a hefty price."

Lynne glanced at him, remarking, "Your place seems quite deserted though."

Number 24 elaborated, "This is an independent grid I've requested from Vision World. Each customer who enters my shop is transmitted to a distinct grid space. At present, I am concurrently attending to another 754 customers in different grids."

Lynne nodded in admiration. Impressive. To attend to so many at once wasn't something an ordinary being could achieve.

Without further ado, Lynne inquired with seriousness, "I wish to purchase some information, provided you have relevant sources."

"Go on," Number 24 stated succinctly.

Lynne adjusted the non-existent monocle on his face and said, "Firstly, I want to know the exact location of Bloodsaw."

A brief silence ensued. The candlelight flickered. Then, with an unchanging tone, Number 24 slowly said, "50 black skull coins."

Lynne exclaimed, "What?! Fifty black skull coins? That's a whopping 50,000 skull coins!"

You've got to be kidding! I'd have to sell my entire shop to afford that!

Number 24 continued, "The information on the target was upgraded to an 'A' level just a day ago. We're continually updating the info, and the price has surged 50 times. Currently, you're not the only customer seeking the target's location."

Lynne felt a stir in his heart as he had suspected. His mentor's situation wasn't good. Apart from him, the Demonfolk Association was surely employing every means to find his teacher.

Lynne took a deep breath, maintaining his composure, "My second question: How can I quickly contact a specific being over a long distance?"

Without missing a beat, Number 24 replied, "Depending on the method, the pricing varies. The lowest fee is 100 skull coins and the highest goes up to one hundred thousand black skull coins. You can choose the specific level."

Lynne closed his eyes, "The cheapest."

He initiated the transfer immediately.

[Skull Coin -100]

Number 24 nodded, explaining slowly, "Payment received. To answer: The fastest method to contact a specific being over a distance is through Vision World. Vision World is a mirror world overlapping with the Dark World, with a teleportation function. Within Vision World, you can freely communicate with any being that is logged into Vision World from any region."

"..."

A brief silence.

Lynne hesitated, "And then?"

Number 24 stated evenly, "Answer completed. Thank you for your patronage."

"..."

Lynne, somewhat exasperated, said, "Is that worth a hundred? If I could contact someone within Vision World, would I need to ask you?"

Number 24 responded succinctly, "It's the lowest level of information."

In other words, you get what you pay for.

Lynne tried to calm himself, eyes shut and said with gravity: "I'm revisiting the same question. This time, I want the information worth 1 black skull coin."

Payment successful.

[Skull Coin -1000]

Number 24 paused, then began, "Payment received. To answer: You can hire a [Covenant Messenger] to deliver your message over long distances. Depending on the cost of the messenger, the speed of delivery might vary."

Having said that, Number 24, who had remained as still as a statue until now, extended a pale and delicate hand from his robe, placing a register on the counter.

"We also offer messenger hiring services here. You can choose any messenger from our list."

Lynne glanced at him. This piece of information seemed to be worth its price.

Lynne's gaze swiftly landed on the registry lying on the counter. He opened it and began to peruse its contents.

[Fate's Bat: A mythical beast messenger. By utilizing the target's bodily tissues and true name, it could swiftly convey messages. Additionally, it carries misfortune to its target.]

[Tamed Hellhound: Possessing keen senses of smell and tracking abilities, a mere whiff was enough to deliver messages over vast distances. However, it often vanished, never to return.]

[Void Leapers: An exceedingly efficient messenger, boasting the swiftest speeds in the Dark World. It delivered messages promptly, teleported quickly, and died abruptly—everything was swift.]

[Swamp Turtle King: Holding the pinnacle defense and armor in the Dark World hierarchy, it could ensure a hundred percent intactness of letters. Unwaveringly reliable, it maintained a 0% mishap rate in the industry, perennially topping the safety charts, unchallenged.]

After glancing through the options, Lynne felt that the Turtle King seemed somewhat promising.

"I'll go with the Swamp Turtle King," he decided.

Number 24 paused momentarily, seemingly checking, then said languidly, "I am currently scheduling for you. At present, we have five available Turtle King messengers. Accident rate: 0%. Speed: 1m/h..."

"Hold on!" Lynne interrupted him in disbelief, "1 meter per hour??"

Number 24 nodded, clarifying, "Yes. Owing to a special breed modification, its speed has increased more than tenfold compared to previous years. The Turtle King you've selected holds our store's longstanding racing record, unmatched by any other turtle."

Lynne: (꒪Д꒪).

Lynne exhaled deeply, his eyes shut and fists clenched. "Do you have anything more reliable here?" he inquired, his patience evidently thinning.

Number 24 responded leisurely, "Currently, only these four messengers are available. However, we're in the process of taming more varied messengers. If you find these unsatisfactory, you could consider returning after some time."

Lynne's brow furrowed, his thoughts racing. After what seemed like an eternity, he queried, "The Turtle King offers high security but is slow, right?"

Number 24 nodded, "Indeed."

Lynne pondered a moment longer. "And the Void Leapers is fast but has a tendency to drop dead suddenly?"

After a brief pause, Number 24 confirmed, "Precisely."

With a resolute smack on the table, Lynne calmly declared, "Reserve two of each for me. It's urgent."

Nodding, Number 24 briefly hesitated before informing him, "Your reservation has been successful. Please provide your address in the Dark World, and we'll dispatch them as swiftly as possible. As these involve biological contracts, transactions within Vision World are unfeasible. Rest assured, we maintain strict confidentiality. Your information is safe with us."

He slid a form across the counter to Lynne, who hesitated momentarily. After a swift glance at Number 24, Lynne jotted down an address—the one next door.

Reclaiming the form, Number 24 intoned, "Two Void Leapers and two Turtle Kings. Your total hiring fee amounts to 2,600 skull coins. Once payment is processed, your order will be dispatched promptly."

Lynne's face contorted in disbelief. "Didn't I just give you a thousand coins?"

Number 24 clarified, unhurried, "That was the consultation fee for information. Now, it's the hiring fee for the messengers. These transactions are separate."

Silence enveloped them.

[Ding! Skull Coin - 2,600]

Number 24, ever the professional, articulated, "Payment received. Your order is being arranged for dispatch. You may await its arrival; it's expected within two hours. The biological contract scrolls will be handed to you, complete with an instruction manual for appropriate use. Thank you for your patronage."

...