webnovel

Creepy Pharmacist: All My Patients Are Horrific

[This world is steeped in mystique.] [Vampires, werewolves, technology, magical potions, ghosts, bioengineered beings, divination, and puppets; every terrifying element you could conceive of, exists in this world.] [One must carry a lantern when stepping outside.] [One must never wander far.] [Ten meters beyond the gates, darkness will consume you.] [Whether attending to humans, ghosts, or stitched monsters, one must maintain composure at all times.] [Should you ever lose your composure, it will give rise to malicious intent.] This is the translation of the Chinese novel "Creepy Pharmacist: All My Patients Are Horrific". It's a horror comedy with more comedy than horror. I hope you enjoy it.

Fish9527 · Book&Literature
Not enough ratings
96 Chs

Random Diagnosis

The potion shop.

Lynne's eyes slowly opened as he disconnected from Vision World. He swiftly sat up in the guest room, sneaking a peek at his still-slumbering companion, Left Hand. He hastily retrieved the Nightfiend Blade and darted out of the apothecary shop, cautiously sneaking into the abandoned house next door.

Choosing a secluded spot with a good vantage point, Lynne concealed himself and awaited the delivery. Despite the unexpected challenges, he urgently needed to get in touch with his mentor and Little. Should the Demonfolk Association send a formidable force, they'd be beyond saving.

With the time at hand, Lynne quickly accessed his system space and retrieved the two special items he had obtained.

"Night Doctors Class Change Scroll? Random Diagnosis?"

After thoroughly reading the descriptions, Lynne grasped the purpose of these items. Once the class change scroll was activated, it would trigger a task, teleporting him to a unique location. Upon task completion, he would formally change his profession to a Night Doctor. But the Random Diagnosis seemed more potent.

"So, possessing this skill allows me to swiftly diagnose a target?" Lynne pondered. "Activate!"

Instantaneously, the scroll in his hand transformed into rays of light, merging into him.

[Ding! You have acquired the special skill: Random Diagnosis]

[Ding! Random Diagnosis can be activated either passively or actively.]

[Passive Activation: Enables rapid, random diagnoses of a target, quickly identifying any ailments. Can be triggered by contact with any part of the target's body.]

[Active Use: Focus on the target to randomly inflict a minimum of one and up to twenty diseases. Consumes a significant amount of mental energy. PS: The diseases depend on the target's constitution and the caster's mental strength.]

Shh—

After listening to the notification, Lynne took a sharp breath. Truly worthy of a legendary skill, it can actually bestow diseases upon a target? This was incredible.

In an instant, a dark scheme formed in Lynne's mind.

Bestow disease + Cure disease = Profit.

Oh! That's devious!

No! He was a morally upright young man; he couldn't possibly engage in such a conscience-defying act! One shouldn't, at least not in good conscience!

With this thought, Lynne glanced at his left hand.

[Ding! Passive diagnosis activated.]

[Detected ailment 1: Indigestion.]

[Detected ailment 2: Pesticide Phobia.]

[Detected ailment 3: Hypersomnia.]

[Detected ailment 4: Genetic Mutation (Recessive).]

A series of system notifications resounded in Lynne's ears. With just a single glance, he had discerned all the ailments afflicting his left hand.

Lynne covertly took another sharp breath, deeply astonished.

It was too powerful! Incredibly so! For a doctor like him, this skill was a godsend!

Shortly after, Lynne hesitated. "Maybe I should try the active skill?"

No! That would be unethical. Moreover, using his left hand as a test subject would weigh heavily on his conscience!

Well… Just a little try shouldn't hurt, right?

Lynne pondered.

"Should I?"

He then made up his mind, his gaze focusing intently on his slumbering left hand, pupils contracting suddenly.

"Activate."

[Ding! You've randomly diagnosed the target with the ailment: Morning Sickness.]

[Morning Sickness: A symptom commonly appearing during pregnancy. Yet, for reasons unknown, the left-hand mutant exhibited similar reactions, feeling unexpectedly dizzy and nauseated, loss of appetite, and a bloated sensation.]

Lynne: "???"

And then, in the next moment. The left hand, which had been soundly asleep, turned pale at its palm and woke up suddenly.

"Ugh ( ; д ; ) ... I feel so dizzy and nauseous... What's going on? Did I eat something bad? No...that can't be it..."

Then, a sudden wave of nausea surged.

(ヾノ꒪ཫ꒪)——

"Ugh!! I can't hold it in! Bleh—"

With a loud retching sound, the left hand threw up a massive amount of broken limbs.

Blegh—

Blegh—

Soon after, the left hand drooped weakly and lamented, "(o x﹏x o) What caused this sudden bout of vomiting? This isn't right!"

Lynne immediately produced a vial of restorative elixir from his pocket, saying, "I told you not to eat everything in sight. Look, now you're sick. After eating all that rotten flesh yesterday and then consuming three machines today, it's a wonder you didn't vomit sooner. Here! Drink this potion and get some rest."

The left hand opened its mouth in resignation, unable to argue, and mumbled, "Ugh..."

Gulp, gulp—

It downed the potion in one go.

[Ding! Left Hand's Favorability towards you +1]

[Ding! Left Hand's Favorability towards you +1]

[Ding! The left hand's attitude towards you has slightly improved. It now thinks you're occasionally decent, even if mostly annoying.]

Lynne: "…"

The left hand yawned and haughtily stated, "Don't expect me to thank you. And don't think a mere potion will buy my loyalty. Given a chance, I'd still eat you up. Heh!"

Lynne: "…"

Indeed... it was a very powerful skill...

...

Eyes closed in meditation, Lynne felt time fly swiftly, and in what seemed like a mere moment, a faint disturbance from outside caught his attention. He promptly opened his eyes, ensuring he remained concealed.

Whooooosh—

A chilling gust blew from the outside, causing the door to creak incessantly. As Lynne looked on, a tall, slender specter appeared at the entrance.

"Your...delivery..."

A raspy voice, reminiscent of scorched vocal cords, emanated from beyond the door.

It must be the courier from the informant.

Maintaining a stoic expression, Lynne gracefully descended from the rafters to the entrance and looked up at the towering specter.

"Mr. Ennyl...is that you?"

Lynne nodded, "It's me."

He then displayed the identification provided by the informant. The elongated ghost took a moment to sniff it, verifying Lynne's identity, then rigidly extended a pale hand, removing its crown to reveal a beautifully crafted wooden box.

"Please... inspect..."

Lynne gave the specter a cursory glance, took the box, and upon opening, found four neatly placed scrolls with a card adjacent to them.

The card, inscribed with the universal script of the Dark World, read:

[Thank you for your patronage.]

[Instructions: Unfurl the scroll, drop your blood, and sign your name. The contractual agreement for the messenger has been prepared for you. Once done, the messenger will heed your summons.]

[Postscript: Kindly write your name on the back of this card and hand it to my messenger, confirming receipt of the goods.]

The slender apparition handed Lynne a feathered quill.

After a brief pause, Lynne took it. Accidentally brushing against the phantom's fingertips, an indescribable coldness immediately enveloped him, causing an involuntary shudder. Yet, concurrently, a series of notifications sounded in his ear.

[Ding! Detected ailment in target: Chronic Rheumatism.]

[Ding! Detected ailment in target: Ugliness.]

[Ding! Detected ailment in target: Cold Poison Erosion.]

[Ding! Detected ailment in target: Abdominal Cyst.]