You got to be fucking kidding me

I'm in Wanda her bedroom, sitting on her very comfortable bed. She is holding a children's book on her lap, it's about a little dog who is looking for his parents, and is pointing towards a word. I let out a frustrated sigh. "I don't know Wanda." I can't help but feel disappointed in myself. For the last 6 weeks she has been teaching me. It's really basic stuff, but I have to re-learn almost everything. Reading, writing, math… Everything I knew as a child is gone and I had no chance to learn anything new. At this point my literacy level is at that of a 4 year old and if frustrates me. A lot. "It's okay Lidiya, don't be so hard on yourself. Give it time, we've only been working on this for a couple of weeks." "There should at least be some improvement. It feels like I'm stuck at the same level: zero." Wanda puts the book down and with her fingers she moves my chin up so that I'm looking her in the eyes. "Now listen very carefully to me Lidiya Ivanov, in no way you are…-" "You got to be fucking kidding me!" A yelling voice drowns out whatever Wanda was saying. I raise my eyebrows in a 'what the fuck' expression. "Who…" Before Wanda can answer me the person in question is yelling again. "Yelena Belova, I swear to god if this is one of your jokes…" Realization fills Wanda's eyes. "Natasha." "Natasha?" "Jup. Believe it or not, the black widow is actually capable of having quite a temper." "Well, now I believe you." The emphasis is on the now. For a moment it's like the entire compound is quiet, but it doesn't last long. "I'm gonna kill them!" A huge amount of curse words is what follows. "Maybe we should go check on her?" Wanda slightly tilts her head while looking at me. "Why? You have any death wishes I don't know about?" A soft chuckle escapes my lips. "No, but Natasha is my best friend and she is clearly upset." "Uhm what part of Natasha her personality screams: when I'm angry I need a best friend to comfort me?" I simply raise and drop my shoulders. "I'm going." As I leave the room Wanda crawls off the bed and jogs after me. "Lidiya I really don't think this is the best idea…" I ignore her. Natasha her room is only two doors away from Wanda's so it doesn't even take me a minute to get there. At this point the witch has caught up with me and she grabs one of my arms, stopping me in my track. "Lidiya listen. I've known Natasha for a long time, and she's really not the type that wants to talk about her feelings…" The sound of gunshots drowns out what Wanda was saying and without any hesitation I turn around and open the door. Natasha is standing there with 2 revolvers in her hands, having just shot at the wall. As soon as she hears me enter the guns are directed at my face. I raise my hands as a way of showing her I'm unarmed. "Hey Nat, it's me, you can put these down." But she doesn't, she just squeezes her eyes a little bit and keeps them directed at me. I can feel Wanda tense up next to me and can feel her magic getting ready to attack the assassin. "Wanda don't, it's okay. She knows it's me, don't you Tasha?" It's the first time ever I have used this nickname and it's as if hearing me use it snaps her out of whatever trance she was in. Slowly the guns are lowered and eventually even put aside. "Why did you come in here Ivanov? You should know it's dangerous to enter the room of a pissed off widow." I hum in acknowledgement and walk towards her. "Stay outside Wanda, I got this." I can feel Wanda's displeasure but she does as I say. I only stop walking when there's about a meter left between Natasha and me. "I do. Well, Wanda warned me." Nat turns around, storing the guns in their designated place. "Well why didn't you listen to her." It wasn't really a question but I decide to reply to it anyway. "Because you're my best friend Nat and it was quite obvious to me that you were upset. Well I think it was obvious to everybody in the compound." Slowly Natasha turns towards me, for a moment I can see a confused expression cover her face but it's gone so fast that I wonder if I didn't imagine it. "I'm your best friend huh?" I smile. "Yeah you are." "Pretty shitty taste you have." "Meh, I think I could have done worse. I mean I could have ended up having Barton as my best friend." After staring at me with a very serious expression for a couple of seconds, a sudden smile takes over. It's clear that my bantering has lightened the mood. "You saying that I have bad taste Ivanov?" "Oh yeah, the worst." Natasha walks towards her little kitchen and I follow her. I can see her grabbing a bottle of vodka and taking a gulp from it, not even bothering to get a glass. "If I'm your best friend, then what is Wanda?" I smile and think back to the conversation we have had about 2 weeks ago. We had been snuggling together for the entire evening (snuggling, no sex, I wasn't ready for it yet), and finally Wanda had asked me the question whether I wanted to be her girlfriend. I had been over the moon and didn't even have to think about the answer. Obviously it was a yes. We had made the decision to keep it a secret for a little while longer, just enjoying these little moments unknown to the others. "Hello? Earth to Lidiya?" I look at Natasha and can see she is resting against the counter, bottle in hand. "She's my girlfriend." Natasha whistles and I can see a smile fighting to get through. "Is that so?" "So it is." "Well, if that is what there is, that I guess that this means that I'm happy for you." "You guess?" I can see Natasha rolling her eyes and she takes a step closer, quickly pulling me in for a hug that doesn't last long. "I'm only teasing, you really need to get some tougher skin. I am happy for you guys, took you long enough." I smile and can't help a blush appearing on my cheeks. "Thank you Nat, but that's enough about me. What's going on in here?" Natasha her response is her taking another gulp from the bottle. "I got a phone call." She leaves for the living area so I follow her. "Okay, that can happen yes. I also hate it when I have to talk to people on the phone. Definitely a reason to kill the wall." Natasha tsskk's me. "Don't act so smart Ivanov, it doesn't suit you." I don't reply, giving her the chance to set her story straight. "That was Yelena on the phone, my sister." I can't help the surprised face I'm making when I hear this. "Your sister? I didn't know you had a sister…" "There's a lot of things you don't know about me malen'kiy ogon' (little fire). Yelena is not my biological sister. When we were young the both of us were on an undercover mission together for 3 years. She was only 6 at the time so she didn't know it was a mission, she thought it was real. And real or not, she was my sister. To me she was my real sister." I smile softly at her. It rarely happens that I get to see this softer side of Natasha. "So what did Yelena have to say that got you so angry?" I can see the lines in the muscles in her face hardening. "That Melina and Alexei, 'mum and dad' are on their way to the Avengers Compound right now."

For a moment I just stare at her. "You know Nat, I really want to be on your side in this, but it's hard when I barely get any information that makes sense." Natasha drops herself in the couch and slowly I follow. "So, that mission that I just told you about in which Yelena and I had to pose as sisters. Melina and Alexei were the undercover agents pretending to be our parents. Mum and dad. In reality though Melina was a top scientist from the Red Room and Alexei was a super soldier named the Red Guardian." The last part of the sentence she says mockingly. "Poor Yelena grew up in our fucked up fake family, believing that it was all real. Believing that they were her real parents." I can hear sadness and regret in Natasha her voice, which clearly means that she cares a lot about her fake sister. "I didn't have the heart to tell her otherwise. Maybe it would have been better to tell her the truth, maybe it would have been better to just take her and run away from that fake live. But I didn't and both of us had to live with the consequences for the rest of our lives." I want to pull her in a hug but I know that that's not what Natasha wants or needs. "What happened?" For a moment Nat just stares in front of her, lost in thoughts. After a while she sighs and starts talking. "The mission was to steal certain intel from a SHIELD base. After 3 years Alexei managed to do just that, and all of us had to flee to Cuba because the SHIELD agents were after us. While running away from Ohio, Melina got shot and I had to take control of the plane, but I managed to get us to our destination safe and sound. But when we arrived, Melina got taken to a hospital and Alexei just handed us over to Dreykov. Allowed him to just put us in the Black Widow program." I can see a glassy look in Natasha her eyes, like she is reliving the past. "What I went through was psychological conditioning. But it turned out that the intel that we had stolen, it was the key to unlocking free will. Or rather, to stop people from having free will. It took a while for them to unlock the full opportunities of the information they got, but in the end they managed to perfect it and use it on the new generation of widows. Including Yelena." "Having no free will… What's it like?" "I don't know, they didn't use it on me. But I know that Yelena described it as being a puppet and Dreykov being the puppeteer. He was the one in control, could make them do anything. Even if they didn't want to do it, there was no choice. He could even make them kill themselves." Some time passes in silence, me trying to process what she just told me, and Natasha thinking back. "In the end somehow the 4 of us teamed up together, destroying the Red Room for good and finally killing that bastard. Making sure that nobody would ever be controlled like that again. So we are on good terms right now, but still… I won't ever be capable of forgiving them for what they did to me. To Yelena." "Is it okay if I touch you?" Natasha looks up at me, hesitating for a moment. "Yes." I put a hand on her shoulder and give it a soft squeeze. "I understand you have quite some history with the both of them. But it seems to me that it ended well, so why are you having problems with them visiting?" Natasha sighs. "The Avengers are my family, the family that I created for myself. By myself. I don't want them just walking in here and breaking that, taking over the life I have build away from them. I don't want both of my families entwining. They know that and Yelena has always respected my wishes." This explains why I have never seen Natasha her sister before. "But Melina and Alexei told Yelena that they have found some important Hydra information, too sensitive to give to us by phone or any other means of communication. They want to come here and give it to us personally. So that is what they're on their way to do, they should arrive tomorrow. I'm lucky Yelena knew they were coming and managed to contact me, otherwise they would just have been here and I wouldn't have been prepared for it at all." Seeing how angry Natasha had gotten just by getting the information, I don't even want to imagine how she would have been if they had been in front of her door without her knowing beforehand. "I understand that this must make you feel like shit, and I'm very sorry that there is no way for me to help you with this." She gives me a little smile. "That's okay Lidiya, thanks a lot for risking your life to come in here. I don't think anybody has ever done something like that for me before." "Hey, that's what friends are for, right?" Natasha doesn't reply but she doesn't need to, I know that this is still a very hard subject for her. After a couple of minutes have passed she stands up, and I can see her hard and emotionless masque is back in its spot. "I'm off to tell Hill about this so she can prepare everything." I follow her example and stretch my back. "Got ya. Want to grab lunch with Wanda and me when you're done?" For a moment she just stares at me, considering my proposition. "Fine by me, I'll see you at 1 pm." She turns around and leaves, while I'm still standing in her room. After looking around for a moment I also leave the room, closing the door behind me.

It's almost 1 o'clock and Wanda and I are on our way to the kitchen. "It doesn't make any sense! How can what you hear and what you write not be the same thing? I mean, why do they have to make it so hard." I put on a pouty lip and Wanda laughs. "I don't know Lidiya, I'm not the one who created the English language." We pass the library while we're still deep in conversation. "Then who created it?" Wanda shrugs. "I don't know, some dude probably." At this point we hear someone cough and we can see Doctor Strange walking towards us. "Actually Wanda, the English language really started when 3 Germanic tribes invaded Britain during the 5th century. At that time the inhabitants of Britain spoke a Celtic language, and…-" "Help…" Wanda snorts, but apparently Stephen doesn't hear it as he is caught up in the conversation which nobody is listening to. "Oh shut it Strange, nobody cares about that shit." A voice says and I can see Rocket entering the room, grabbing its crotch in the meantime. Men, I think, but then I realize that he is technically a raccoon… But still. Close enough. "Rocket! I didn't know you guys were back from your mission." "Yeah, we returned last night. Finally a proper bed again." Stephen intervenes at this point, clearly annoyed about the fact that he was so rudely interrupted. "Uhm hello, I was talking." "Yeah, and nobody was listening. Go play with your magic and leave us be Strange, nobody cares about the things you want to rant about." Stephen turns around on his heels and angrily leaves the room, mumbling something about animals that talk. "It's nice to see you again Rocket." "You too little girl! I can see you're doing much better than when we left." Wanda and I continue our way to the kitchen with Rocket following. "I hope so, it's been about 4 months since I last saw you." "Yeah yeah, just take a compliment when you get one." Wanda chuckles hearing Rocket his comment and at this point we enter the kitchen, and see that Natasha is already waiting for us. Of course she is. "You're late." I raise one of my eyebrows at her. "Am not." Natasha makes quite a show of taking out her phone to check the time. "1.02 pm, that's 2 minutes late." I scoff at her. "Strange caused a delay, he just had to talk about stuff that nobody cares about." A soft smile tugs at Natasha her lips. "Fair enough." "Good for you guys if I just make some eggs?" Wanda asks while moving over to the counter. "That sounds amazing Wands, you make them very tasty." The scarlet witch smiles as she grabs the pan she needs. "The secret is paprika darling, loads and loads of paprika."

We're sitting at the table and have just finished eating. "I have to admit: good cooking Maximoff." "Is that a compliment from the famous black widow?" Wanda asks, faking complete astonishment. Natasha takes her knife and throws it at Wanda, who blocks it with her shield while laughing her ass off. "Nice try widow, you'll have to do better next time!" Rocket sits next to Natasha and he whispers something in her ear, after which a big grin appears on her face. She nods at him and gets up from the table to put away her plate. It all seems very innocent until suddenly a bag of flour is poured out over Wanda her head. "Wha-" Her face is all surprise, and she blinks a couple of times, as if she is trying to process what has just happened. Rocket is laughing his ass of and wipes away a tear. "Battle?" I ask Wanda. "Oh hell yeah. You get Natasha, I'll go for Rocket." Both of us have an advantage with our powers and we don't hesitate to use them. Within minutes the entire kitchen is covered in flour, sugar, salt, and a lot more powdery substances. "Deaaaath!" I yell as I charge once more, using the famous Lord of the Rings shout. However, this time Natasha knows what I'm going to do, and before I know it her legs are around my neck and I'm pinned on the ground. "Auwch…" "Do you admit defeat Ivanov?" "Neveeeeer!" An evil grin spreads across Natasha her face and somehow she must have conquered some eggs, because she breaks them over my head. "Ew Natasha noooo!" "Muhahaha I'm the winner!" "Natashaaaa don't dirty my poor Lidiya!" Wanda's voice yells and immediately Natasha is pulled off of me by some red powers, and within a second butter covers every inch of her hair. "Wanda!" For a moment it's like time stands still. I'm lying on the ground, eggs covering my hair and sugar all over my clothes. Wanda stands over me, flour dripping out of her hair. Rocket is standing on the counter with a pack of salt in each hand. And Natasha is standing in front of the couch, butter all over her face and hair, but a happy smile on her face. "Hey, what happened in here?!" I turn around and can see FitzSimmons walking in together with Daisy and Shuri. Steve and Tony follow. Another second passes in silence and then all of us burst out in laughter. I can't remember ever having this much fun in my entire life. "Oh, nothing, just some fun!" I hiccup and Wanda gives me a hand, pulling me up. "Great, who is going to clean all of this up huh?" It's Steve's voice and Wanda just rolls her eyes. Waving her hand everybody and everything is immediately cleaned up and it's as if nothing has ever happened. "Tada!" This time it's Tony that rolls his eyes. "I thought this was an Avengers compound, not some kindergarten." Rocket jumps off of the counter and replies. "Don't see why it can't be both iron idiot." Of course the 2 of them start bickering after this message and Wanda and I walk towards Natasha. I can see FitzSimmons following us and when they arrive Jemma starts rattling. "Omg Natasha, I heard that Melina is visiting! Is this real? Is Melina really coming? Melina Vostokoff?! The Iron Maiden?!" I can see that Natasha is taken back by their questions, even though nobody else will probably realize it. They will see her typical emotionless expression. Except for Clint, I'm sure that if he was here he would see it too. "Uhm yes they're both coming, and I'm not sure why you're giving Melina that nickname, her suit isn't made of iron or something…" Immediately Fitz takes over. "Who cares about Melina, I want to meet Alexei! Can you introduce me to him?" Jemma is clearly offended by Fitz his statement. "What do you mean you don't care about Melina! She is one of the best scientists in the world, she literally discovered how to take away people's free will!" "So what? Alexei is the only super soldier that the Soviet Union has ever had! I want to know how they managed to recreate the serum only once! What happened the second time?" It's more than obvious that Natasha is getting annoyed as hell and at this tempo I expect her to snap pretty soon. "I'm going to create a diversion, be ready to drag Natasha out of here." "Got ya chief." I can hear the laughter in her thoughts. "Oh my god FitzSimmons, is that a plane arriving? Maybe it's them!" Immediately the 2 of them run towards the window to look and as soon as they're out of reach Wanda and I each grab a hand of Natasha, basically pulling her out of here. When we have passed 2 corners we take a rest and all three of us burst out in laughter. "Thanks guys, I really needed the safe." "Thought you could take care of yourself Romanoff?" Wanda says mockingly. "Sure can, but I'm not sure how much there would have been left of FitzSimmons if I did." "Yeaaaah, that's why I intervened." We take a moment to just catch our breath. "I'm going to go to the gym, thanks again. By the way, will you be at the party tonight?" "Party?" I ask curiously. "Yeah. Well not the kind of party that Stark throws but more the kind that Bucky and I do. It's because the guardians are back from their mission." I look at Wanda and we don't even need to communicate, not even through our mind link. We know. "Yes, we'll be there. I look forward to it."

I'm standing in front of my wardrobe, looking at the multiple possibilities. I want to wear something pretty tonight but not too formal. "Wanda?" "Yes sweetie?" I turn around to look at the witch and can't help but be stunned by the view. Wanda is wearing some black trousers and a red satin blouse on top of it. Her hair is loose and red earrings complete the look. "Lidiya?" Caught I shyly turn my head away. "Sorry, got distracted." I mumble and Wanda takes a couple of steps, effectively closing the distance between us. "Look at me, moy lyubov'." I do as she asks and look into her eyes. "There is no reason for you to be shy, I'm your girlfriend and it's okay for you to look at me." I can feel my ears getting red and while I try to form a sentence, only meaningless words leave my mouth. "Did you like what you see?" A smile takes over my flustered expression and I put my hand against her cheek. "Yes, a lot." Wanda her hand goes to my back and she pulls me a little closer. "That's good, because it's all yours." As I lean closer with my head I breathe in her scent. "That's nice, because I don't want anything else." Wanda presses her lips against mine and I have the feeling like I'm drowning in it, it feels like home. "Now, can you help me pick out some clothes for tonight? Otherwise I'm just going to stay in bed all night and kiss you." Wanda laughs while she takes a step back. "Don't temp me darling."

I enter the living area together with Wanda, and some upbeat music is already playing. In the end I went with a nice black dress. Even though I know it's not too short according to the social rules I didn't feel 100% comfortable with it, so my legs are covered in nylon stockings. I'm wearing some very short heals, because I still find it hard to walk on them. My blonde hair has grown quite a bit since that haircut Natasha has given me when I first got here plus it's much healthier, and the necklace Wanda had gifted me completes the look. This really is one of my favorite rooms in the entire compound, it's the same one in which I played my first drinking game. Because of the huge amount of cozy seats everybody can just hang out together, completely relaxed. I can see that Gamora and Nebula are already here, they give us a small wave when they see us arrive. The two of us take place in our favorite couch, and I rest my head against her shoulders. Over the next few minutes more people enter the room. Natasha is in a deep conversation with Clint, and the two of them sit together on one of the other sofas. Nat raises her hand as a greeting and I nod back. Next Rocket and Groot enter the room, followed by Shuri and Carol. "Are Tony and Steve not coming?" I ask to Wanda, who has been playing with my hair. "Hmmm, no. They are on a mission together with Scott, Sam, Rhodey, Hope, Daisy, Strange and Vision. They should be back in a couple of days, it's not a hard mission." Thor and Loki walk in next, Bucky following closely behind, and I can hear that they are in a serious conversation. "I don't care about the fact that you're not my real brother Loki, I want to ask Jane to marry me and if she says yes I want you, my brother, to be my best man." I can see Loki roll his eyes as the two of them walk towards an empty couch. "And even if I was your biological brother, Thor, I wouldn't want to be your best man." Bruce enters next together with FitzSimmons. While the scientific duo walks towards a seat Bruce softly clears his throat. "So this should be it for tonight. Pepper and Happy are staying with Morgan, Wong is doing research in the library and Quill and Drax and doing something on their ship. Don't ask me what, I don't know." He adds as he could see Gamora opening her mouth. With an annoyed look on her face she closes it again. "Peter is with his aunt, Cassie is working for school, and last but not least: Mantis and Valkyrie are taking care of an injured horse." Worry fills me as I wonder if it was Shadowfax that had been hurt. I've visited him a couple of times, and loved every minute of it. It was a really kind horse and he was the perfect teacher for me to learn how to take care of horses. Bruce must have seen the worry on my face because he gives me a comforting smile. "Don't worry Lidiya, your horse is perfectly fine." After his announcement he goes to sit next to Shuri. Alcohol is waiting for us on the tables, ready to get everybody drunk as hell. "So, what are we going to play?" Natasha asks with her typical 'not that I care' voice. For a moment its quiet, like everybody is waiting for someone else to make a suggestion. That's until Wanda speaks up: "Let's play 'Did you know'."

I have never heard of this game but hearing the grunts of the team members, it's not their number one choice. "Oh come on Wanda, really? Don't you know enough embarrassing things about us yet?" It's Jemma that is complaining, but immediately Shuri waves away her complaint. "Oh don't be such a pussy, it's an amazing game! I'm in!" After the votes have been count the majority is in, so it has been decided. "How does this game work?" Wanda grabs my hand and gives it a soft squeeze. "You start by saying: 'Hey guys, did you know that…' and then you have to say something about yourself of which you think other people don't know it yet. Everybody that didn't know that fact about you has to drink a shot." "Is there a winner in the end?" "Not really, perhaps the one who is the least drunk is considered the winner. We never really got that far." I laugh hearing Wanda's excuse. "Okay Shuri, since you were so enthusiastic, you can go first!" Carol declares and Shuri smiles. "Fine by me!" For a moment she is quiet, just thinking. "Hey guys, did you know that I also wear a Black Panther title?" My eyes widen a little bit, I didn't know this. But then again I don't know that much yet about the people I live with, so I have a feeling I will be drinking a lot tonight. 6 of the 16 people drink, so at least I was not the only one. Next it's Carol's turn. "Hey guys, did you know that I'm part Kree?" Sigh, once again I didn't know. "How so?" Rocket asks while drinking his shot. "Well when they found me at the ship wreck they gave me a complete Kree blood transfusion. So every drop of blood that runs inside of me is Kree, even though I'm human." "Does that really make you part Kree though?" Shuri asks, but before a discussion can start Thor cuts in. "My turn, mortals! Hey guys, did you know that I have a pair of pet goats?" "You have what?" Clint asks, clearly shocked by this news. "Yeah I do! They pull my chariot when I'm in Asgard." "Brother dear, do you even dare to say their names?" Loki asks mockingly. "Of course I do, there's nothing to be embarrassed about! Toothgnasher and Toothgrinder are their names." Immediately his announcement is met by laughter from a couple of people. "What?!" "Nothing Thor, nothing." Bruce says soothingly after which he takes a shot. "I guess that that means that it's my turn, isn't it?" Loki says with his typical grin on his face. "Hey guys, did you know that I can also be a woman." "Finally, something I do know!" I only realize that I said this out loud when I can hear the people laugh with my statement. Slightly embarrassed I try to hide my face against Wanda but she just laughs at me, and gives me a soft kiss against my temple. Bucky, Rocket, Gamora and Groot go next, in the case of the latter Rocket acts as translator, and then it's Wanda's turn. "Sweetie?" She asks me in my head and I hum in response. "How about we use this opportunity to tell the others about us?" I turn a little bit to face her. "Are you sure about it? Everyone will know…" She smiles at me. "I'm sure if you are. I want to be capable of showing you my love every second of the day." My heart warms hearing this. "Okay… Yes, let's do it." "Hello, earth to Wanda and Lidiya?" Clint says teasingly but it's immediately followed by a hit against his arm, caused by Natasha. "Shut it Barton." Wanda looks at me once more. "You 100% sure about it?" "1000%. Let's do this." Okay, my turn, right? Hey guys, did you know that I'm in a relationship with Lidiya?" For a moment it's silent in the room, but then the yelling breaks out. "You're in a relationship?!" Says Clint. "Since when?!" Shuri. "I'm so happy for you guys!" Bruce. "You get it girl!" Carol, throwing a wink in my direction. Admits it all Natasha just looks at us with a big grin. "Yeah, I knew."