Chapter 41

Ayanokōji's POV

The endless summer sea. The infinite blue skies. The perfectly clear air. Here, in the midst of the Pacific Ocean, we didn't feel the intense midsummer heat, and the gentle sea breeze kissed our bodies. Yes, this really was an oceanic paradise.

"It's amazing," Kururugi breathed.

"I've never seen the sea in-person before." Sora said, gazing out over the vast expanse of blue.

"Really?! Is that true?" Kururugi responded in shock.

"I told you on the first day, didn't I? Shiro and I have been shut-ins our whole lives."

Apparently, I was more similar to Blank than I'd originally thought. Like myself, they'd also missed out on many of the things most people would take for granted growing up.

"Whoa! This is the beeeeeeessssst!" Ike Kanji shouted from across the deck of the luxury liner, his hands raised high in the air.

"He's quite the disruptive one, isn't he?" Light remarked harshly.

"Hmm, I don't think anybody really cares right now, though." Lelouch responded, leaning on the railing.

Normally, someone would have grumbled or shouted "shut up" in response. But just for today, no one minded, instead enjoying this moment of bliss.

After overcoming numerous hardships, midterms, and the final exam, we had welcomed summer vacation with open arms. The Advanced Nurturing High School had arranged for an extravagant two-week trip-a cruise on a luxury liner.

"This school is certainly indulgent, though." Ryuzaki stated.

This was certainly no ordinary trip. At our government-sponsored school, there was absolutely no need for us to pay for tuition or other miscellaneous expenses-which, of course, included this trip. We received the best of special treatment. The cruise liner and its facilities were of the highest possible quality. This ship was fully equipped with everything from prestigious restaurants to a theatre, and even an upscale spa. On my own, this would probably have cost me about 100,000 yen, even in the off season.

"Don't hold your breath. Last time we thought that, there turned out to be a massive catch." Sora retorted with a laugh.

"The school definitely has the money though. Would they really pull something during our summer break?" Kururugi asked skeptically.

"I wouldn't put it past them," I said, ripping my eyes away from the beautiful ocean.

"What a pain," Lelouch complained, turning to leave the group.

"Where are you going?" Light asked.

"I'm hungry, so I'm going to drop by the restaurant. Anyone want to join me?"

One by one, each of my classmates agreed that they were also peckish, and joined Lelouch to go and get something to eat. Noticing me with no intention of moving, Sora threw a question to me over his shoulder.

"Not coming, Ayanokōji?"

"Nah. I ate something before we came." I replied indifferently.

"I see. Well, have fun!"

With that, the students of Class D departed from the deck of the Speranza. Speranza was the name of the luxury cruise liner that we were currently boarded on. Its name was an Italian word, meaning 'hope.' I wondered whether that was foreshadowing something or not.

Shortly after I was left alone, someone on the deck which we were currently sharing with Class E turned toward me. It was Kushida, and I could tell that something was on her mind. With the vast ocean and the endless blue sky behind her, Kushida looked even more radiant than usual. Even though I didn't want it to, my heart started to pound. Could it be...?

Temporarily leaving her class behind, Kushida approached me as I looked over the expansive plane of water.

"Huh? Come to think of it, I wonder where Horikita-san is?" Kushida pondered out loud as she reached my side.

Apparently I wasn't even allowed to indulge in a mere fantasy. Kushida had Horikita on her mind. Even though I'd had quite the encounter with Kushida, she showed no signs of dropping her façade. Quite impressive, I must say.

"If I'm going to be blunt, Kushida, why the hell are you asking me about Horikita?" I replied in annoyance.

I was already fed up of being associated with her just because I'd ran into her a few times at the start of the year.

"Huh? Didn't you say you were friends with Horikita-san, Ayanokōji-kun? I just thought you might know..." Kushida looked surprised by my outburst.

"That was a lie. In reality, I don't even like Horikita. She's annoying." I sighed in exasperation as I told Kushida my true feelings.

If I were a Class E student, then I'd probably wind up trying excessively to shape Horikita for the better and bring out her true potential. However, since Class E's failure or success has nothing to do with me, I couldn't help but find her entire existence troublesome.

"Really? That's too harsh, Ayanokōji-kun!" Kushida scolded me, but I noticed her smile grow slightly wider.

"I'm not the only one who thinks that. In fact, I think you're the weird one for trying so hard to befriend her, Kushida."

"I just think it's sad to see her all alone all the time. I want to make her smile, you know?"

"Those aren't your real thoughts though, are they?"

Kushida froze momentarily as I confronted her with that, but her smile showed no signs of faltering.

"Hmm... Who knows?" She replied ambiguously.

"Who knows indeed," I replied.

For now, there's no need for me to pry into Kushida's life. I needed to build some level of trust up with her to make her as effective as possible. A silence befell us, and Kushida leaned her forearms against the ship's railing and gazed out toward the sea.

"Why did you come over here?" I asked, shattering the silence.

"You think I have an ulterior motive? That's mean, Ayanokōji-kun! What if I just wanted to talk to a friend?" Kushida pouted in dissatisfaction.

"So, you didn't come here for a reason?"

"Well... I did want to ask you something..."

"So you do have an ulterior motive after all."

"Even if I do, you assumed that I did before you knew for sure, which means you're in the wrong. Hmph."

Kushida turned away and refused to look at me, crossing her arms across her chest. I couldn't tell whether she was putting on an act or was genuinely annoyed.

"Kushida?"

No response came.

"Kushida."

Still no response. It looked like I'd have to try a different approach. I silently positioned myself behind her and snaked my arm around her throat, like you would if you were putting someone in a choke hold.

"Huh?!"

Kushida let out a yelp at the unexpected development. She panicked and tried to free herself, but only ended up making matters worse. She lost her balance as she pushed herself away from me, and would've fell to the ground if not for me swiftly moving my arm below her, supporting her back and stopping her fall.

From this position, Kushida stared up into my eyes, a perplexed expression on her face. After a few seconds, she realized the situation she was in and quickly looked away.

"A-Ayanokōji-kun, this is really embarrassing..."

"It is?" I feigned ignorance, still equipped with my reliable poker face.

"Of course! Any girl in this situation would be flustered!" Kushida snapped, using me to pull herself up.

Once we separated, she nervously took a step back and kept staring into the ground. Kushida was probably taking a moment to compose herself. After a short while, she looked back up and moved to my side once more. She didn't say anything, though, so I decided to speak up instead.

"If I recall, you wanted to ask me something?"

"O-oh, yeah, about that..." Kushida trailed off, seemingly struggling to get the words out. "Ayanokōji-kun said that he would help and protect me, right?"

"Naturally," I responded, turning my gaze out towards the expansive ocean.

"I was just wondering how far you would go to do that?"

"As far as I need to, I guess."

For a couple of beats, Kushida didn't respond. Rather, she appeared to be mulling something over in her head. She quickly resolved herself, though, and turned fully to face me, which also drew my gaze away from the sea and back to her.

"Even if it meant you had to expel someone?" She asked, making eye contact.

"Even if it meant I had to expel someone." I asserted reassuringly.

This should be suitable enough to keep Kushida satisfied for now. Even if she just interpreted this as mere lip service, she would still be unable to stop herself from feeling at least a slight bit more at ease.

A look of relief washed over Kushida's face as she hung onto my words. It seemed that I'd lay some doubts to rest in her mind, even if only temporarily. Her somewhat nervous demeanour vanished, and she returned to her usual charming self.

"It sure feels nice to have a friend like you, Ayanokōji-kun!" Kushida exclaimed brightly, a smile forming on her lips.

"A friend, huh?"

Was a person like me even capable of having a friend? To be honest, I wasn't entirely sure. Perhaps, though, this girl, who herself was wrapped in mystery, could help me answer that question. Nobody can predict the future, after all.

"Why did you call me in here, sensei?"

I was watching a performance of the story of Icarus aboard Speranza's theatre. The one responsible for that was the woman seated beside me, our beautiful homeroom teacher. Her pale green hair fell down over her shoulders and spilled down to her lap, and her piercing blue eyes seemed to scry everything just from a quick glance. She was a most mysterious person.

"Hmm? I just saw you walking alone and thought it'd be fun to invite you here with me, see~?" She said brightly, swinging her legs lightly back and forth below her seat.

Somehow, this teacher's childlike mannerisms and playful manner of speech invoked a strong urge within me to protect her. Was this intentional, or was it just a by-product of her existence?

"Do you have an ulterior motive?" I asked skeptically.

"How mean!" Ishihara-sensei clutched her chest in mock hurt. "Say, don't you get bored thinking like that, Ayanokōji~?"

"What does that mean, sensei?"

"You spend all your time thinking and analysing every little detail so much that you've become disconnected from your true self. I can tell." She said slightly wistfully as she shifted her gaze from the stage to me.

I looked into her eyes, those light-blue spheres that reflected my own golden ones. A slightly strange energy surrounded us, and Ishihara-sensei seemed to be aware of it too.

"That's quite the bold assumption." I replied monotonously, breaking the line of sight, and looking toward the stage performance.

"Is it wrong?" She asked bluntly.

I remained silent for a few seconds and pondered my response. It would be easily enough for me to assert that yes, she was wrong, but I felt like this teacher would somehow see through my lie. Right now, she gave off an inexplicable aura of almost omnipotence.

"I would be lying if I said that there was no accuracy to it, I suppose." I decided to go with a safe answer.

"Do you do that a lot?"

"..."

"Wording things in ways which leave the main subject still somewhat ambiguous, in order to avoid saying anything about yourself outright. Does that not seem like something that someone who is disconnected from their true self would do?"

Ishihara-sensei mercilessly attacked me, and I found myself unable to refute her words. I didn't utter a word in response, and merely looked at her. She didn't appear to find my gaze uncomfortable to any degree, though.

"How would you describe yourself, Ayanokōji?"

How would I describe myself, huh? I'd been given many names over the years of my life. I've been described as many different things. However, when posed with the question of how I'd describe myself... Just one thing came to mind.

"Defective. I'm a horrible human being."

For the first time, Ishihara-sensei didn't give an immediate reply. Instead, she placed her cheek onto her palm and looked to be deep in thought. I suppose, when confronted with such a blunt statement, one would need a moment to prepare their response.

"Do you think that is fixable?" She asked eventually.

Surprisingly, she didn't address the main point. Ordinarily, you'd expect a teacher to reassure their student that they were wrong about their self-deprecating evaluation. This one, however, took an entirely different approach.

"Who can say?" I replied, staring into her eyes.

"So, why did you come to this school? I doubt that someone like you is interested in the guaranteed employment gained from graduating as Class A."

She was right on the mark. Ordinarily, I feel like I'd never say anything this openly to anyone, but something about this woman made it so easy to talk. It looks like I'd already fallen into her trap and, even though I was aware of it, I still couldn't bring myself to climb out.

"I just wanted to experience things that I couldn't before, I guess. To see the ways in which people will grow. To see how they all interact with each other. To find out what it means to love another person. I came here seeking those answers."

I gave her a half-truth. In reality, those weren't the primary motivation for my enrolment, however they were most definitely my primary focuses now that I'd already enrolled.

"Hmm... Well, let me give you some advice, Ayanokōji. Feel free to decide whether you want to listen to it or not. The thing we call 'Love,' is whatever you think it is. Whatever way you perceive love, that is what it is to you. Your answers won't lie in this school or in these people, but in here."

Ishihara-sensei leaned forward and placed her finger against my chest, right where my heart was. I could almost feel my heartbeat pulsing from my body and through her finger, as if we were linked just by this touch. I tried to think about what she'd said, but at this point I felt that I simply had no way of understanding.

"Oh, and also..." She snapped me out of her thoughts by adding one last thing. "Before you can properly love another person, you need to learn to love yourself first."

My mind went blank as I took in her words. It was strange but, at that moment, I was somehow sure that these exact words would echo in my mind sometime in the future.

As if a switch had been flipped, Ishihara-sensei returned to her playful, childish demeanour and stood up, breaking the contact between us. I subconsciously stood up as well, noticing that the performance had ended.

"Make sure you have fun on that island once we get there for me, 'kay?" Ishihara-sensei winked at me as applause filled the auditorium.

If I'd learned anything today it was that the Class D teacher, just like all of the students, wasn't normal at all. I felt that this wouldn't be the last time that something like this would happen, either.