Interlude 2
Interlude 2
-o Jaime o-
Jacob… is a crazy son of a bitch.
Oh, sure, he was very smart and all, but he was crazy.
Sure, let's just negotiate with the crazy long-necked tribe of warrior women that rides these dog creatures whose shoulders are level with mine. Great plan.
He made it work mind you, mostly because he was able to match Captain Bonney in a straight fight, but still. Crazy.
"Is that truly the best you can do? Come now! Prove your style is a match for mine señoritas!"
Hey, never said I wasn't crazy too.
The stick I was using as a rapier flashed forward, deflecting the spears of the two women I was battling, swaying back and forth as the brown danced in front of me.
"Bastard! Stand and fight!" One of the two lunged forward, and I nearly flowed around the spear strike, this 'Kami-e' that Jacob had been teaching us complimented my style beautifully.
"I am!" I laughed as I dove forward, slapping her leading hand with the stick, "You simply aren't able to hit me!"
She hissed, pulling back and rubbing her hand even as I ducked under the wooden staff of her companion, stabbing forward with my stick and hitting her in the stomach. Both of them stepped back and I grinned at them as I held my stick out at the ready.
Honestly, they were just trying to provoke me, this sparring match was just these two getting their panties in a bunch about a man being allowed into their village because of Jacob's efforts. They wanted me to 'prove' I was worthy, since Florida's handling of their leader only gave 'him' a pass. Sure, I know they were talking out of their asses, I knew I was still allowed here regardless… but I wanted to prove I was better, to prove I was worthy on my own without riding on Florida's coattails.
"You… you just slither out of the way of attacks!" one of the two ladies shouted in frustration.
"Hah! My style is one of fluidity and skill! Passed down to me by my family! It is nearly unmatched!"
While one of the ladies frowned at my boasting, the other snorted, "If your style is truly so strong, then it would be able to take out the king of the savanah, the great Snugglewumps."
I blinked a few times before finally giving in and asking, "… the great Snugglewumps?"
"Oh yes," she continued with a smug smile, "Almost fifty feet tall and stronger than anything else on the savannah, he is the mightiest of the lions!"
"Fifty feet…?" I blinked in surprise.
"Yes, if your style is really so powerful then it should be able to take care of him no problem," she said, waving a hand dismissively.
I scowled at her even as her companion glanced between us quickly, "Do you really think you can trick me so easily?"
"Oh, so you're scared?" the long-necked woman goaded, "Don't think your precious family style can stand up to a real challenge?"
Bristling, I had to restrain myself, "I won't go out and try to kill this Snugglewumps!"
---
So, I was out in the savannah, trying to find this Snugglewumps so I could kill him.
Apparently if I poked at the local bone lionesses enough, he'd come out to take me out.
"Here kitty kitty kitty… heeeere kitty kitty kitty…"
They were supposed to be pretty easy to find, at least when you wore a fresh steak around your neck like I was.
"Rawr…?"
"…" I blinked a few times before I grinned, parting the grass and leaning forward, "Hola?" It was a little itty bitty kitten, tan and kind of chubby, with little teensy white spines along his back and a bony spike at the tip of his tail, he couldn't have been bigger than my thigh. I chuckled, "Hola gatito… como estas?"
"Rrrrrawr!" It practically squeaked again, 'roaring' up at me before lowering its head and wiggling its butt while growling.
I grinned, hunkering down on the balls of my feet and letting my elbows rest on my knees, "Donde es tú madre?"
The little guy pounced on the steak hanging from my neck and bit into it, hanging from the steak as he growled, and I couldn't help the little 'Awwwwww…' that escaped me. Sure his claws hurt, but they didn't really do any damage as he hung there
At that point I heard an actual roar behind me, making my delightfully curly mustache droop. I turned slowly to look up at… that… that is a big kitty… I was not a short man and that cat was probably fifteen feet tall at the shoulder… how in the world had it snuck up on me? It had large boney spines along its back, as well as a bony sort of armor… no wonder they were called bone lions…
… memo to self, get Wallace something nice, he gets roped into this kind of shit by the rest of us way too much.
"… por supuesto…" I groaned out before drawing my rapier, steeling myself, "Por la bebida!"
The silver blade flashed out and the string holding the steak around my neck was cut even as I flowed beneath the massive paw that swung at me, lunging out with the tip of my rapier and stabbing at its other forepaw. The lioness roared in pain at the sudden pinprick, backing up even as I followed after it, my thin blade dancing like quicksilver in the sun as I layered cuts along its forelegs and face.
Another roar before its head suddenly surged downwards, and only a quick lunge to the side kept its mouth from entirely engulfing me, instead its massive teeth tearing open my shoulder with a glancing snap of its jaws, "Agh!"
Tumbling, I rolled back onto my feet, blade held out before me, gritting my teeth past the pain even as the lioness raised its paw, claws nearly the length of my forearm unsheathing as it brought it down at me.
"Equis!" The tip of my rapier danced about, making a figure eight in the air so fast that the light glinting off of its tip gave the impression of a glowing silver X at the end of my rapier, "Uno!" Blood sprayed as I stabbed my blade at the oncoming paw, striking just behind the pad and making the predator stumble back. But I wasns't done! "Dos!" A lunge brought the silver X atop its other forepaw making the lioness roar and stagger before dropping, unable to stand properly.
There was a thud as the lioness dropped, and I brought my blade back, but the third Equis was stopped not by the lioness, but by her kitten.
With a roar that was almost a squeak, the kitten thumped uselessly against my side, making me wince and cringe as it claws dug through my shirt and into my skin… but it iddn't hurt that much. I hesitated, glancing at the cat gnawing uselessly if painfully at my side before looking at its mother, struggling back up to its feet.
I sighed, the tip of my rapier dropping, "Ugh… I'd feel bad if I went through with it…" taking the kitten by the scruff of its neck, I pulled it from my side and tossed it over at its mother, "That should be enough to get the attention of Snugglewuss at least."
Sheathing my sword, I turned and walked away, pointedly ignoring the kitten that now stood between me and its mother. Yeah, I did not need that on my conscience. It was one thing to take a trophy of a mighty predator or beast, it was another entirely to take more than one, especially a mother.
"Rrrrrawr!"
A small smile crossed my face in spite of myself, "You did well gatito, you keep your madre safe, okay?"
"Rawr!"
---
Another swig of the fire-hippo-mezal went down my throat in an attempt to dull the pain and I hissed.
I'd gotten overconfident, my recent training and how well I'd done against the warriors of the village had made me sloppy. I shouldn't have gotten hit by that lioness at all really. She was scary, sure, but she shouldn't have been fast enough to hit me.
The small mess of cuts on my left shoulder twinged painfully, and I hissed through my teeth again, my mustache curling in even further as I walked through the tall grass. There were a few deeper cuts, but it was mostly like a rash due to the close call. I'd torn off the rest of my sleeve and wrapped it up around the wound, I wasn't Akira, but I could make it work for long enough, I could still use my arm, but I'd prefer to avoid it now…
I stood about two feet taller than the high grass of this savannah, my hat low on my head as I tried to keep an eye out for the signs of the large animals. I did not want to get snuck up on again–
"Rrrrrrr…"
"… tienes que estar tomandome el pelo…" I muttered under my breath, and turned around, drawing my rapier once more and…
… oh…
… they weren't kidding, he is about fifty feet tall…
… that… I swallowed hard as my mustache drooped… that isn't good.
There was no doubt in my mind that this was Snugglewuss. This massive predator was a light tan color, with black lips around a massive maw, its teeth nearly as tall as I was… Instead of a mane, it had a mass of bone white spikes like an enormous and lethal hedgehog… jagged spikes of bone sticking out from his fur as it stood almost two dozen feet away… he truly looked like the king of the savanah, and I knew for sure this is what those ladies had sent me after. I mean, who'd go through the effort of putting a little sign with the words 'Snugglewuss' around the neck of a predator this size unless he was Snugglewuss?
Also… how the fuck had something that big sneak up on me?!
… again?!
And then it roared.
A shockwave washed over me as a mouth bigger than I was tall opened and teeth flashed, the sound like the roar of a battleship main canon! I actually stumbled backwards because of the force of his roar!
'Oh… oh this isn't good… I made a bad decision.'
The big cat coiled like a spring before pouncing and I let out an utterly unmanly sound, literally throwing myself back0
"Agh!" the blast from the lion landing sent dirt and rocks flying up into the air, clipping me as I quickly rolled back up to my feet, rapier held out before me as I grit my teeth. A small rock opened a cut on my cheek just beside my mustache as the lion roared once more, the grass leaning away from it in the blast wave.
A shuffle step from the large lion brought it close enough to swipe a paw wider than I was tall at me!
With a grunt of exertion, I threw myself up into the air, vaulting over the paw, my blade swiping out to scratch its skin… barely drawing blood–?!
My feet barely hit the ground before the lion swung the same paw back! Shit! My footing wasn't good enough-! I couldn't jump again-!
I lunged to the side, and the back of its claws glanced across my body, sending pain flashing through me as I was knocked flying through the air–
*WHAM-!*
PAIN-!!!
"Agh!" a weak noise escaped me as I slammed into something hard, injured shoulder first, the wind already knocked out of me by the blow. I dropped to the ground with a pained grunt, my vision swimming… shit… shit… I… I think two of my ribs were broken… shit…
Gritting my teeth, I forced myself up onto my hands and knees… my left shoulder trembling and refusing to work even as I clutched the handle of my rapier tightly in my right hand…
*Drip… drip drip…*
Red slowly dripped down onto the ground beneath me… even the backs of the claws had opened up my chest, three big lines were almost horizontal across my body, one at my shoulders, one at the base of my ribs, and one just above my hips… shit… shit…
"Nnng… resistiré…" I stumbled up onto my feet, propped against the tree that I'd hit as Snugglewuss slowly stalked towards me.
This… I might have bit off more than I could chew here… stupid ego… stupid women talking me into proving myself… stupid father…
The enormous cat roared once more, the tree I was propped against leaning back as the ends of my mustache fluttered wildly, my hat flying off…
Should've had Jacob or Bonney around when I did this… just in case… or at least some sort of backup… but I hadn't… and… and I refused to die here… no matter how much it hurt… I lifted the waterskin of the fire-hippo-mezkal, my thumb trembling some as I popped the cork and downed the whole fucking thing.
Because if I'm gonna do this? I'm not gonna do it sober.
Snugglewuss's growl made my chest vibrate unpleasantly even as I dropped the now empty waterskin, the world still swimming…
Fucking cat…
It was hot… it was already hot on this island but now it was really hot and now this stupid fucking cat wanted to ruin my day… well too damn bad for it!
The lion bounded towards me, charging, tail snapping out behind it and the little sign around its neck bouncing as it pounced!
I pushed off of the tree, stumbling forward briefly as I charged right back at it! If the cat wanted to play chicken?! Too bad! Cats aren't chickens! I'd show it-! "Por… la… bebida!"
My hips twisted and the rapier went back, level with my face and horizontal to the ground as I launched up into the air to meet the multiple tons of predator hurtling at me! "Tap the Keg–!" The world slowed down to me as his massive jaws closed in on me… and I could see with a startling clarity exactly what I needed to do… twisting in the air, my left hand shot out, grabbing Snugglewuss by his nose and lifting me over his mouth before launching myself forward as a twist of my hips sent my saber plunging forwards, all of my weight and power behind my rapier-! "Tequila!"
Silver met bone white, and unfortunately for the King of the Savannah, his own momentum met mine in a single, tiny point. The tip of my blade!
My blade bent as it met the bone of Snugglewuss' thick skull, struggling to pierce it between the eyes-! The shock of the blow going straight up my right arm and into my shoulder, the jolt making something in my arm crack. For an instant that lasted an eternity, I struggled there in midair with the King of the Savannah, my jaw clenched and my blade bending as it struggled to pierce-!
Something had to give… and that something wasn't going to be me!
"Porrr… Miii… Padre!"
---
Interlude 2 End