I Just Feel Like I Missed Out

Sterling

I pulled into the cemetery and headed for the grave I had come for. I tried to come here on the major holidays and her birthday. Today happened to be Christmas and my grandparents wanted to join me for the visit to my birth mother's grave.

Her passing wasn't exactly something that was kept from me as a child. I mean, the whole living at the orphanage made it obvious. All I really knew growing up was my mother was in heaven watching over me. As I got older I did get curious and finally asked my father about it.

He proceeded to explain the whole story. He had told me how they met and how he was led to believe she died sooner than she really did. Instead of it being a car accident that had taken her it was my birth that caused her life to end. She had hemorrhaged and they couldn't stop the bleeding.

I'll be honest, I feel a little guilty here and there. If it weren't for me she would still be walking the earth. It felt like it was my own fault that I never had the chance to experience life with her. I couldn't tell you her favorite color, her favorite food or how she laughed. I had to hear all that information from others.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm grateful for Kaydence. She's the mother I've come to know and she's always loved me as if she gave birth to me herself. I love her and I wouldn't trade her for the world. I just feel like I missed out on truly knowing the mother who had given me life.

I parked the Lamborghini and turned it off. My grandparents were already here standing at the grave. My parents have made sure I've kept a good relationship with them. It was important for all of us involved. They were the only way I really got to know my mother in heaven and I was the only piece of her that had been left behind.

I grabbed the flowers I had bought and stepped out of the car. I closed the door and headed for the grave. My grandparents turned around once they heard my footsteps approaching. I could see my grandmother had been crying but she tried to hide her tears as she smiled at me.

"Sterling, it's so good to see you." She opened her arms for a hug.

"It's good to see you too grandma." I spoke as I wrapped her up tightly.

"How are you?" My grandfather asked I pulled away from my grandmother.

"I'm doing pretty well." I answered. "How are the both of you?"

"We're doing pretty good ourselves." My grandfather responded. "How have things been working with your father so far?"

"As of right now I have no complaints. That could always change though." I chuckled.

"How are Damon and Kaydence?" My grandmother questioned.

They liked to check in with every visit I made. When I returned my mother would check in and ask how my grandparents had been in return. The relationship between them was pretty great. My father had even helped them with anything and everything he could.

It partly was because he felt guilty like I did. He knows he should've been there with my mother in her final moments. He also felt responsible because if she hadn't gotten mixed up with our family his sister would've never paid her off to fake her death. Because of Ava she had been alone when everything happened.

I didn't know all the details about his sister until he went more into his darker past recently. Realizing the impact this woman had made on my birth mother made me understand why he punished her the way he had. Ava deserved to be in that mental institution. Hopefully karma will come back to bite her and she can die feeling alone.

"They're doing well." I finally answered the question. "The pregnancy is going smoothly as well, doesn't look like Samuel will be making an early arrival like Scarlett."

"That's wonderful." My grandmother smiled. "How is Scarlett doing?"

My grandparents had pretty much taken Scarlett on as their granddaughter. They had been there for her birthday parties and as she got older when I would have sleepovers she would tag along as well. My mother in heaven had been their only child so I knew they appreciated the fact my parents included them.

Really they had become part of our family. We didn't necessarily spend every holiday together, for example my grandparents were going to my grandma's sister's instead of joining in on my parent's Christmas dinner. As I've gotten older the time we all spent together has dwindled a little bit.

Up until recently a lot of my time was going to college and preparing to take on my position at the company. I probably should've squeezed in more time to pay my grandparents a visit but life had just been busy. That didn't stop my parents from going to check on them at least once a month though.

"She's doing well. The dance thing is working out for her so far and school seems to be going decent for her as well." I relayed the information I had on Scarlett.

"Good." My grandfather nodded.

I continued talking with them for a good amount of time. I wanted to make sure they got my full attention for us to properly catch up. It was about thirty minutes before they checked the time and realized that they needed to get going. I gave them both a hug goodbye and watched as they headed for their car.

Once they drove off I was alone at the grave site. I approached the tombstone and crouched down to place my flowers. I sat there for a moment as I tried to find my words.

I let out a low sigh. "I'm sorry I don't come here as much as I should. Life's just been well, life. I'll do better mom, you deserve it. I love you and I'll be back soon, maybe next time I'll bring Isabelle with me."

I sat there for a moment longer before standing up. I started to head back to my car as I needed to go pick Isabelle up for dinner with my family. I stopped for a moment and glanced back at the grave once more.

I wish she could've been here to celebrate holidays with. I wish I could know that I've made her at least a little proud. I wish that she had the chance to meet Isabelle and love her just as much as everyone else.

I've heard stories about how kind she was. My grandparents have told me a few times that I'm a little softhearted like her. That like her, I try my best to be kind and understanding. I felt like as long as I kept that up then there was at least one thing for her to be proud of as she watched over me from above.

I got into the Lamborghini and started it right back up. I left the cemetery and headed for the orphanage. Izzy made sure she was there this morning to help with Christmas for the children. She wanted to be there and help make sure they had the best start to their day.

She truly is a remarkable woman. I'm grateful someone so amazing gave me another chance.