Chapter 8: Dreams

I spoke with a nervous smile even though his commanding tone scared the hell out of me. "I haven't really spoken my name to anyone for at least eight years. It's um, Lavender. Lavender Williams. You can just call me Nick. I know Lavender is kind of a weird name." He answered with an amused tone. "So is Leviathan." I laughed a little even though I still couldn't believe I was talking to him. "Lavender." He said it as if he was trying my name out for himself and hearing what it felt like on his lips. His voice gave my name to me with sensuality. A hot sensation ran through me at how sexual he made my name sound. It had been so long since someone had called me by my name that I was too speechless to react.

"I like it. I will call you Lavender. I hope to match a face with this name soon." I realized that this whole time he hadn't seen my face without a medical mask on. "Oh, right." I didn't have anything else to say about that so I changed the subject. "I also wanted to talk to you because I had to thank you for not telling anyone that I'm a woman. Thank you." There was a small moment of silence. "You're welcome." I had expected my thank you subject to last much longer than it had, and yet, it was already over in just a couple of sentences. My nervousness returned as the last of my conversation topics diminished. I happened to glance at my arm to where he had written his number on me. "So, um, this symbol that you drew on me, what does it mean? Nothing came up when I tried to google it."

He answered as vaguely as possible which made me even more curious. "It's just a mark of protection. I'm into some spiritual arts." I wanted to know more information about these arts but he didn't seem interested in discussing the subject further. My well of conversation topics had run dry and I didn't know if I could handle another one if I had it. "Well, I should probably be going now," I said, nervously. "Alright. Goodbye." His farewell was short but sincere. "Goodbye," I said, matching his tone. I then ended the phone call and collapsed on the couch. I had made it through an actual conversation with him and I wasn't a complete blubbering lunatic. 

I was proud of myself for that even though I had made it obvious to him that I was nervous. The call was short but I thought it better to start small. I couldn't help a smile from spreading on my face. I had finally spoken to him and he had suddenly offered to be my protector. I knew that my life would be different from now on, and I would continue to fight my fear so that I could become a part of his. I had fallen asleep before I could have a say, and the dream that had taken me showed me a room of gold. The ballroom was even more vibrant than normal, and lords and ladies danced around me with the fanciest attire. 

My long hair was curled and styled in the prettiest of braided buns. My gown was wonderfully pink and outstanding compared to any other lady's dress. My curves were accentuated by the corset I wore underneath, and my skin was full of color. As I walked onto the dance floor, a man approached me who was wearing an entirely black suit. It was Levy. He looked so handsome and it made me melt. He bowed to me before reaching his hand out to me, offering for me to dance with him. I curtseyed and gently took his hand. We then danced better than anyone in the ballroom, and they all stopped to watch us glide together.

Once the song was over, the two of us were suddenly alone in a different hallway of the grand building. Levy had me pinned against the wall, devouring my lips with his own. I trembled at his possessive touch and marveled at his strength. His hands ran up and down my body with desire, but they halted without warning. He then pulled away with a look of disgust on his face. I tried to ask him what was wrong, but no voice escaped my lips. I looked down to see that I no longer had curves and the dress was slipping from my bony body.

My skin had become pale, and my hair started falling out of my head and onto the floor. The look Levy gave me broke my heart and he turned away as he faded into shadow. I called for him but I had no voice. I wept and sobbed, consumed by my hideousness. I was suddenly shot awake in a cold sweat. Nausea had overcome me and I could feel the burn of my searing hot saliva that suggested that I was about to throw up. I remembered that I fell asleep without eating an orange, and the plate of food that Brittany had forced me to eat was demanding to come back up.

I quickly ran to the bathroom and made it to the toilet just in time. I unloaded everything inside me into the porcelain bowl until I had nothing left to give. After I was done I flushed the contents away and couldn't stop myself from crying. I wiped my mouth with some toilet paper and sobbed as I kneeled on the tiled floor. I stayed there and cried for a couple of hours until I found the strength to stand. Levy wanted to see what I looked like behind the heavy coat and mask, but I didn't want to show him what was there. I didn't want him to know what a sickly little beanpole I was. He would never find such a thing attractive. 

I thought about how disgusted he was at me in my dream once he saw my true self and had to fight the urge to cry again. I grabbed a cup from the cupboard and filled it with the water from the bathroom sink. I took small sips to help soothe the nausea since it was too late to eat an orange without throwing it up too. I sat back down on the couch and tried to control my breathing. Once I had calmed down and finished the water, I put the cup away and fell asleep for the rest of the night.

The next day at work I thought about calling Levy again when I got home. I knew that it was futile to get closer to him when I had no chance, but that didn't stop my feelings for him. I just wanted nothing more than to get to know him and maybe even become friends with him. I told myself that I was being ridiculous and I should just accept the fact that any relationship we developed was doomed to fail because I wouldn't be enough for him. I hated that thought but no matter how I looked at it, I couldn't keep myself away from him. If I had to learn the hard way and allow him to shatter me, then so be it.