Leon's mental struggle

The doors to Leon's temporary house shut with a loud bang when the girl escaped from the lair of what she could only perceive as a deathly threat to her life.

And not because of some random assumptions that could be just wrong.

After all, Leon could hardly find more direct words to inform her about his approach toward the people of her bloodline.

"Damn," the bloodmancer muttered, laying down on his bed and releasing a heavy sigh. "That certainly does leave a bad taste in my mouth."

His time with Sarah was pretty short, limited to just a few hours more than a single day. And yet, in this short amount of time, he already grew quite fond of her...

Only for the thing that the bloodmancer claimed not to care to turn into something he could hardly care more about.

'I guess I'm still a hero of ruin at my core,' he then thought, his face darkening. 'Everything I touch inevitably turns into a ruin, after all.'

Leon stretched out his legs and closed his eyes, ignoring the rays of sun that snuck inside through the gaps in the building's straw ceiling.

Yet, no matter how long he waited, hoping for sleep to give him a trailer of what death looks like, his desired lack of consciousness didn't come.

'Am I too excited to sleep?' Leon asked himself, gritting his teeth at the mere memory of what happened.

He was used to seeing everything around him fall into ruin. And yet, ever since coming to this world, despite not even spending that much time to think about this very event, Leon somehow grew a mental barrier that separated his old self from his home world and the person he wanted to be in a world unburdened by the disasters of his own making.

'Wait, why do I feel guilty?' he then asked himself upon finally tracking down and pinpointing the reason why he was so anxious. 'She was already scared of her ancestry. Isn't it better if my actions reinforced this fear? It means there will be fewer heroes down the line!' he attempted to argue with himself, only for his mood to continue sinking into the abyss.

'Why am I even thinking about this like that...?' he finally admitted to himself. 'I clearly enjoyed the role of a teacher in this world. And more importantly, I have no desire of becoming the next villain in Sarah's story.'

Leon got up from his bed and paced around inside his one-room house for a bit before eventually sitting back down on its edge.

Before he could even realize it, the sun started to head to its hideout behind the horizon line. Stuck in his mental struggle, Leon failed to notice the passage of time, facing it only when the insides of his temporary house turned completely dark.

Leon's eyes then fell on the platter of food that Sarah happily brought in the single, short break he gave her while teaching her the basics of mana manipulation.

He could barely see it in the dark, yet the silhouette of this simple, straw basket caused a painful surge of sadness to rip through his soul.

"I really did enjoy her company, after all," Leon muttered, closing his eyes when he finally gathered the courage to at least admit as little as that. "The fact that I can't stop thinking about this is the greatest proof of it."

Sarah offered him nothing but obedience, adoration, and trust. And as soon as he found out about the one thing she didn't dare to share with anyone else... He went and betrayed that trust, all because of his own hate towards the very concept of heroism.

'It's ultimately not even her fault!' Leon thought, only to slump down on the floor and hide his face in the palms of his hands. 'Did my past really turn me into such a bully? So all those times when I claimed my slave collar was the sole reason why I acted the way I did... were nothing more but fake excuses?'

Leon continued to sit down directly on the floor, contemplating his situation over and over again.

And yet, no matter how hard he tried to fight it, he couldn't banish the awful feeling that his clash with Sarah left in his soul.

And then, as if his mind wasn't battered by his mental battle enough, a knock on the doors forced Leon to look up.

"You said you didn't want to see me," Sarah's voice reached Leon's ears through the door, the door that the girl didn't even attempt to open. "But is it okay if I just sit here?" she then pleaded, sending Leon's thoughts into disarray.

'What the hell is she doing here?' he thought, nearly forced into despair by her return. 'I don't want to hurt you! Just leave me alone!' he screamed out in his soul while hiding his face even deeper in his palms.

"You didn't tell me to fuck off," Sarah then said, taking Leon's silence for an answer in its own right. "I will just sit by the door, then," she then informed in a strange, defenseless voice.

A silent thump that followed indicated the girl seriously sat down on the house's threshold, resting her back against the doors.

'Just go away!' Leon pleaded in his thoughts, lacking the mental fortitude to put his thoughts into words.

And yet, the girl simply sat on the outside, refusing to buckle no matter how much time has passed.

The last rays of the sun have long dissipated, indicating the day has now truly passed. Soon, the cold winds of the night snuck into Leon's house, nearly making the bloodmancer follow his instincts to stand up and look for some warm covers. And yet, as soon as his eyes fell on the furs covering the bed, a single thought appeared in his mind.

'If I'm cold here... just how freezing it has to be for her?' he thought, turning his eyes towards the doors.

"Hey..." as if somehow sensing Leon's thoughts, Sarah spoke out yet again. "I don't want to annoy you. I really don't," she started, only for her voice to turn so silent that even Leon struggled to discern it from the winds blowing all over the place.

"But can you tell me why did you push me aside?" the girl asked, her voice nearly breaking.

Leon closed his eyes.

He didn't need to see the girl to imagine the tears welling up in her eyes, especially when her voice rang in his ears again in an even more tearful tone.

"Is it... because of who my mother was?"