Chapter 7. Loss

Family isn't always blood. Family are those who make you feel at home. Those who love you just the way you are, even when you do something completely unimaginable, they will still be by your side, one way or the other. Those who want to see you smile and succeed no matter what. Eve was family to me. She was the sister I never had.

I remember once telling Eve about an interesting fact I found, the quote "blood runs thicker than water" is actually

"The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" which means that chosen relationships are much more precious than those which you didn't choose yourself (families-altho family is also precious) but I just found this misunderstood quote very interesting. And Eve was the family I chose myself.

***

I see the dagger lying In front of me. The dagger I had bought at the antique shop. Never did I imagine I would be using it to kill Eve. My head was lowered and I stared at the knife blankly, feeling the pressure of this dilemma crushing me beneath it. My heartbeat quickens and a cold sweat breaks on my pale face. I try to stay calm, stay rational, but I'm panicking like crazy inside. And then a commanding voice brings me back to my senses.

"Adrenaline! I shall cut free your rope, so take that knife and put your friend out of her misery. You'll be doing her a favor." He tilts his face.

I'm not sure if it's just my reflex or what but although I was panicking like crazy. I manage to steady myself, maintain a calm, rational demeanor, even though it's obvious it's fake and I'm just trying to tough it out. My voice trembles slightly but then gets back to normal,

"I don't want to!" I say, calmly but direct.

"I don't think you have too many options, love." The devil says back.

"Anything else! I will do anything else as long as it's within my power!" I try to present a tempting proposal.

"Anything?" he asks, intrigued.

"Anything!" I affirm.

"Hmm... well that's tempting. But darling, this is much more entertaining." he smirks back, making me realize how futile my efforts are and how helpless I am. "Now let's make it quick, we've dragged this out for quite long."

I look at the man holding Jay hostage along with my other friends. And I know for sure that if I don't do as they say, they will shoot Jay dead first and then the rest of us, one by one. I'm still debating what to do even though I'm well aware that the only way for all of us to survive is by killing Eve.

A faint, quivering voice calls my name. "Reina!" Eve calls out to me.

I look her way and see her trying to stand up. She's breathing heavily and she's lost too much blood, she can barely stand but there she is, stumbling and standing straight while her hand is placed over her wound.

She called me "Reina", my full name instead of 'Ray'. She only did that when she was serious about something.

"You need to do it!" She says calmly with a pitiful little smile on her face. "Ray.... You've always....been able to deal with things...calmly....You always make the decisions...most suited for the situation. You have the ability to move on....no matter how tough things become. That's one thing I love most about you."

My heart sinks as I take in her words along with the fact that she was asking me to kill her. "No, eve, I can't... I don't want to hurt you..." I shake my head slightly.

"Ray...I won't make it out alive anyway...lost too much blood...so...I want you guys to live...live and be free!...If this fleeting life of mine is what it takes...I will gladly give it to you, a thousand times over...Do it, Ray!"

I had thought that Eve might feel betrayed being abandoned by her friends. But I guess I forgot how selfless she can be. She might be a reckless, carefree little girl but she knows how to deal with things. I've never really seen her get angry, and hatred was a nonexistent word in her vocabulary. So I knew that she wasn't lying or putting on a tough act just to save us. She was actually being sincere. And that's what shatters me most. She was a kind and pure soul. She deserved to live, probably more than any of us.

One of the men in black cuts the rope tying my hands so that they are now free....free to kill Eve. With a heavy heart and tears flooding my heart making me suffocate, I pick the dagger lying on the floor. I look at it and think 'damn it! I wouldn't have bought this stupid dagger, had I known this was what I was gonna use it for.' I had a habit of trying to distract myself with other thoughts when it was tough to face what was in front of me. But it wasn't quite working right now.

"NO! DROP THAT DAMN BLADE RIGHT NOW!" Jay screams at me, startling me.

I look at him with a shattered expression on my face as his expression mirrors my own.

I glance at the rest of our friends sitting on the ground, some of their heads lowered with guilt and fear perhaps. I notice Vivi looking at me with tears streaming down her face uncontrollably. Nox is pretty quiet right now but I bet he feels extremely bad about this, just like the rest of us.

I look back at Jay and turn my head away from him in a way to protest against his order. He's about to say something when the man with the gun on his forehead alerts him of his own state right now.

I stand straight up with the dagger in my hand and the resolve to get this over with, I look at the devil, tears in my eyes but the resolve of a survivor burning brighter and stronger, I speak to him, which comes out more as a command, "I put Eve to rest, and you will let my friends live!"

He smiles back and says, "You have my word!"

"How do I know you won't turn your back on it later?"

"I guess that will be a leap of faith. I don't exactly have anything to convince you with. But trust me, with a show as entertaining as this, I make sure to play my part right too." He smiles widely. "Besides, you don't really have any other way." I hate that he was right. I hate that I have to follow the orders of a psychopath like him. But what other choice do I have?

Avoiding looking at the faces of everyone else because I know if I do, I will fall apart. I walk over to Eve, so now we are standing face to face. She looks at me and sees the pain behind my firm demeanor and smiles. She could always see right through me. She looks so pale but is still as pretty as the first time we met. We were kids with no idea whatsoever of how this friendship was gonna end.

"Forgive me..." I say so lightly it sounds like a whisper but she heard me.

And Eve says, "Ray....you are my best friend and...will always be. So....don't you ever feel guilty about this! okay?.... Desperate times call for desperate measures...If anything, you are doing something no one else had the courage to....and you will be saving us."

"saving us" she said and yet here I was about to murder her. I never quite understood how she could be so kind, tears in her eyes and she still had a

gentle smile on, that told me she was waiting for me to end this.

I avoided thinking of anything and just went through with it before I broke down. I stab her right through her heart…

I wish they had at least given me a gun. It wouldn't have felt this sickening. I can feel the dagger ripping through her skin and flesh. She gasps painfully, "Thanks for everything,...Ray" she says through quick, gasping breaths and fluttering eyelids. And I push the knife deeper trying to kill her quickly so that she won't be in much pain but I'm sure I'm doing a terrible job at it. Blood splatters and some of it gets on my face. And I instantly pull the dagger out. Blood gushes out in red rivers. I have never seen so much blood before. All of this was too much to take in, the blood forming a pool on the floor, it's strong stench, my vision blurs and everything seems hazy, I take long breaths as I feel myself suffocate.

Then Eve collapses forward in my arms and I drop the dagger, her eyes a beautiful shade of blue like the deep ocean become lifeless and vacant, as dark as the depth of unknown waters. I stare at my bloody hands, Eve dying in my arms, regret filling every fiber of my being as I gently stroke her hair while she dies. The tears I was forcing back flow and stream down my face silently, I clench my teeth together, trying not to scream.

I think I'll feel your absence for a long time. I think I'll miss you forever.

Is it tragic?

Yes. But life is full of tragedies isn't it?

It's just a matter of time when yours happens.

I suddenly remember some sweet memories from our past, back when we were still kids, probably eleven or something, all scenes forming a film in my mind, Eve, Jay and I laughing, getting in trouble, me being bratty, Jay and Eve dealing with me. Just a bunch of pretty memories, childhood innocence and little smiles that now seemed quite painful to remember. I feared even the happy memories would now haunt me. Eve was the friend who witnessed multiple versions of me and still loved me unconditionally through each version. Even when I had become her angel of death.

I wonder if I was gonna be the villain of the story. Was I evil? I had never considered myself bad, not bad enough to murder someone at least but here I was. I wonder what the rest of my friends consider me now, will they still look at me with love or sympathy or kindness? Or will they look at me like I was a monster? I don't even dare to look at their expressions, I fear what I may find in them—fear, betrayal, disgust.

The first person I turn to look at is him. The one who made me kill Eve. The one who truly killed Eve. Flames of hatred and anger burning in my teary eyes. He notices it and his smile fades away. A hatred I had never experienced before begins to settle deep in my bones.

I let rage overtake me. Rage and Anger within my soul. But I still had tears in my eyes, 'wet anger' they call it. I wish I didn't have tears, just pure anger. Bcz my tears are a reflection of the love, softness in my heart and it makes me seem vulnerable. I hate that. Instead I'd much rather show them pure rage. The one in which my face is stone cold and nothing but anger rages.

I will rage against this injustice. Tears and hatred burning in my eyes, like a wildfire spreading further in my soul and reaching the darkness within. I stare at the devil In front of me. My hair a mess, some strands covering my face adding to the grotesque view as my face a bloodshot expression, blood splattered all over it, and my hands dyed scarlet.

My dark brown eyes like obsidian, so dark they blend with the iris, like the dark night sky when the stars are no longer visible, they narrowed as my brows furrowed.

"I will get revenge! I will fight for our freedom!" I proclaimed.

He looks at me with a foreign expression, "The price of freedom is way beyond your reach. You can't afford it, love." He's back to his cocky self as a rotten grin takes its place back on that obnoxious face. His eyes an emerald green flickered with thrill.

"If I can't have freedom—If WE can't have freedom, I'll make sure none of you run free either. I will rip ur wings and burn them to ashes. If I go down, know that I won't leave without creating hell for you. Just like how you did for us."