Damage control

We just moved into this area and it all seemed so bleak and damaged , the roads were messy and the car was jumpy. Aren't I supposed to be thrilled so why is my heart pounding so fast like something bad is about to begin. But seeing my siblings excited was enough to distract me but everytime I look to the side to see the houses we were driving pass I just wondered when the car would stop , I was curious to know where we were going to stop at because every area felt shady but then finally the car stopped and what crossed my mind ? " wow I wish we could go further " 

 The house was sort of bright with the colors of yellow and brown it was obvious it was newly painted compared to how old looking the other houses were. The house opposite mine and the one at the center , looked like it was built in the same structure. 

 I was happy to find out that our building is right upstairs so we get to climb stairs. The smell of fresh paint and empty room filled my inside and I felt alive not until my siblings came running around and calling "dips" on the rooms.

 I walked around and saw a room I could call mine, even though it was empty it was filled with imaginations of what it would become. Things like this fills a void inside, until ur imaginations never comes true and they remain in your head and they start to fade. The room I picked for myself wasn't for me but for I and my sister, I tried to fix the room to my taste but it was like fixing what wasn't broken. 

 With time I and my family started to adjust to our new home. The house was open enough for us to walk around even though we weren't allowed downstairs but there's no reason to go downstairs anyways. We used to be five inside the house, with my dad off to his work place my mum was around and when she wasn't ,I was the one in charge . Taking care of my siblings, but this time it was different cause I don't want to run around with them I just want it to be quite, I felt like something in me had changed and I just began to notice as we arrived here. We normally use to play alot at the Old house, while our parents were away it was a much easier option to pass away time but I let them play without me this time like I knew I had something bigger to worry about. 

 Something about staying alone with my siblings felt safe unlike the former house were fears use to crawl up in my head, the fear of my parents never coming back or of something coming to take us. I used to spend the afternoons fighting those fears by playing with my siblings but the fear keeps getting darker as its gets dark even with all the doors locked, something always felt open as I go and check the locked doors a billion time . And when those fears get to me , all I could do is pray and rebuke all those fears while I watch my siblings fall asleep from the tiredness they get from playing, I would be awake , staring at the picture of my parents that is hanged up on the walls, and tears will roll down my cheeks as soon as I know it I'm asleep too. Those moments disappear when my mum comes back home banging the locked doors and one of us wakes to open the door, and when she comes inside she would be frustrated and angry that we slept and couldn't hear her knock and the moment that happens I forget that I was worried in the first place. I become agitated and all I want to do is to stop her from repeating herself all over and over again, the whole house is awake and trying to get something done cause what we do is never perfect enough for my mum. 

 But this time it was different, whenever she left, I didn't feel scared or suffocated, maybe it was the view I was looking at then. Just standing and looking at the sky from the balcony, it felt peaceful, I've always loved looking at the blue sky no matter how blue it was it was still beautiful to me. I used to feel the sky was always blue in all kinds of shades, light , deep, dark, or white and no matter how dark the sky get it still finds a way to mirror into my heart. 

 As I looked around the houses surrounded by my own, I felt like i was going to be the center of many things. The bright painted house I was now living in, was just bright on the outside because the inside was old and misplaced I saw it all and it felt like the house was going through some damage control like I was - moving from an old house to a new one, we packed all of our luggages and when I saw the empty rooms of the old house it was not empty to me as it was filled with so many memories and they all came with me to this house -Damage Controls