This is based on the first 8 chapters of your story. The premise of your story is nice, and actually had me interested as I began to read it, but there is still a lot of work and editing that needs to be done.
Your POVs, verb tenses, and chapter progression are all over the place. Generally, when writing a story, you will either use a 1st person perspective (the story is written from the perspective of an individual, mainly the main character. This means you use a lot of "I"s and "We"s) or a 3rd person perspective (also known as the "god perspective" in which you tell the story from outside the characters' perspectives. This is focused on "he/she"s and "they"s).
You have started to write the story in first perspective, but often jump into the third perspective. You should choose one and stick with it, not jumping between the two. When writing in first perspective, the whole story should ideally be told revolving on the perception and knowledge of the character you are in the perspective of. You can't describe what other a thinking or know. This somewhat limits writing as you can only describe what he is aware of and his perception of the surroundings, but if done right, can create an excellent mystery of the unknowns.
You also jumped between the perspectives of different character abruptly and with no warning. This is definitely a no go. Telling the story from multiple perspectives is perfectly fine, but each need to be clearly separated and with a clear distinction as to who the perspective is from at the beginning. I noticed that you started to use POV xx at the start of chapters, but it still broke away from their perspective at times.
Next on my agenda is verb tenses. When writing from a first person perspective, you can use either present or past tense, the latter being much more commonly used and easier to write with. You can easily find online resources defining the difference between the two and how to write if you look, but the better option to learn, is to read paperback books at the library and pay attention to their verb tenses. Books printed through publishers have very strict editing requirements and are a great resource for new authors to reference.
You wrote most of the book in past tense, which is easy to write with, but would shift into present tense at times and form an immersion breaking effect for the reader.
There are parts of the story that are hard to understand, particularly the system screen and his stats, which I strongly recommend you go back and review, but the chapter progression is even harder to follow. Rather than following a distinct plot with chapters flowing from one into the next, the chapters almost felt like their own sub-stories and were very difficult to follow.
Speech and character interactions. First and foremost, something I have said many times before, is that all quotations of speech must end in some form of punctuation, whether it is a comma, period, exclamation point, question mark etc...
Your character interactions are generally quite good, but sometimes don't flow very well. Consider the character's personality when writing it. First, put yourself into their shoes and imagine what they will say, then place yourself into the recipients perspective and consider how they would react/respond based on their personality.
Focus on mainly these points and if possible, go back and edit/rework your first couple of chapters. The first few chapters is what will decide whether most readers choose to keep reading or not. Editing can be tedious and it is extremely difficult to self edit, but do what you can.
Don't let this review dissuade you from continuing though, take it with constructive criticism and write even better! Writing a novel is like learning to ride after all, everyone is bound to fall a few times when first learning. If you would like any references for similar stories, go find a copy of the Bartimaeus Trilogy by Jonathan Stroud at your local library. It is a fantastic story also written from the first perspective. The Ill-Made Mute by Cecilia Dart-Thornton, the first book of the Bitterbyne Trilogy, is also a good reference as the story begins with the main character having no memories.
