Chapter 30th

I shuddered, then stiffened under his touch, as if I'd received a shock. Pulling away was not an option, not when he stood so close… it felt extra dangerous, so I just stood there, taking in the sensation as if preparing to be pierced by a knife. But the stroke was warm enough, soft enough to eventually dispel the shaky feeling that he would kill me right there. Relief was a confusing thing to experience then, but I did it anyway. In consequence, it nauseated me! I closed my eyes and turned my head to the side, but Chris closed in: he framed my face in his hand, running his thumb across my cheek, caressing my neck… and slowly turning me back ahead, so I'd have no choice but to face him. I let out an unintended whimper, one that made his smile flicker handsomely:

"What?" he frowned "you're not scared, are you?"

I stiffened harder.

"…Not the brave, mature, self-reliant Abby!" he mocked with a soft, slow voice "Not the 17-yeaer-old tease that was out to get me! No… certainly not the little warrior that swore to defeat me just a couple of hours back."

His fingers… they touched me with shifting intensity; feeling me and soothing interchangeably... having tasted enough of my raw, rigid fear, he broke out a composed laugh, then quickly refrained it.

"Anyway… you shouldn't be so scared, really. Not just yet. I won't hurt you."

The warmth of his hand on my cold, creeping skin, the body tired of panicking, the muscles taut with tension, it all made me want to believe him…

…but fortunately, pessimism was a grip I wouldn't let go of. It wouldn't let me delude myself.

"I won't do anything out of the ordinary…" Chris explained softly "Not today. You see, this moment here… it's enough all in its own. More than enough, really: it thrills me out of myself." His eyes hunted mine down, swayed and controlled them, subduing them into accepting his gaze like a hypnotizing snake.

He had cornered me against the wall, where I had rather trapped myself when backing away, so close at last I couldn't avoid it – could not look away… So close, it felt I couldn't possibly protect anything from him. There was nothing I could hide – not even that disgusting, cowardly feeling… of some strange and needy longing I experienced when he was this close, and when he smiled as warmly as he did… as if he was still someone else. Someone I dumbly believed he was.

I felt him get closer – felt the warmth of his body threaten the coldness surrounding mine, felt his scent, his breath as he breathed calmly, near, sniffing my hair, bending closer, capturing my every twitch between his fingers and sighing ever so often as if tranquilly – serenely enjoying the moment.

"…Nothing elaborate." He explained further "…I have nothing elaborate planned for you. In fact, there are no plans at all. It will just be us, enjoying ourselves."

His lips curled ever so slightly at the corners as a furrow creased my brows and a haggard breath of air escaped me.

"I've been waiting so anxiously for this moment…" he spoke softly, reflecting as his fingers brushed down my face, my jaw, pressed lightly into the tender flesh of my neck

"…I sometimes think I want to save it still, because this growing anticipation, this constant gnawing at my self-control you've made me cultivate is become rather intoxicating in itself. Addictive, really. But… I know myself." His fingers now played about my lips, feeling them softly as I whimpered, cowering. "…I could try to resist it a little longer, but I'll just break, lose control, lay it all to waste… And I've longed for it so much these past few days, resisted it so diligently, that I want total possession of my faculties as I get to savor it. I'm sure you understand it, don't you?" he teased, then chuckled at my petrified silence. "But… that won't make you calmer, will it? Promising I will do nothing out of the ordinary is no solace to you, because sex is no ordinary thing for you…"

He chuckled lowly as my breathing became noisier.

"It wouldn't be so terrifying to the well-versed 17-year-old you pretended to be, but that was all a lie. As we stand, the very word is enough to get a rise out of you. And how could you be cool about it, when you've heard it so little? …know so little! So many uncertainties…" he cocked his head to the side, watching me as he probed into my torments "So many variables to account for… 'Will it hurt?', 'Bleed?', 'Can I take it?'" he voiced my fears, twisting his mouth to contain a playful, almost awkward smile " 'How long will it last?'" Finally, it broke – his smile, his slips stretching sideways "I'll make sure it lasts. I don't want to waste a single moment of it, I'll take in every reaction of this childish, gratuitous fear you've saved for me as I experience it firsthand!"

His voice… it had picked up, rising as it leaked in intensity, as did his breathing, his closeness, the very tension in his muscles… But he breathed out – a haggard, shaky breath of his own, as if he still firmly invested in the effort of controlling himself - his eyes were fixed on me nonetheless, ready to impede my slightest squirm: He'd take it slow… but he'd no longer let me go.

"Don't worry…" he flashed me a disturbing smile – drunken, choked, as if telling it to himself for a solace now that he was all about to let it out on me "…this isn't all of it. Once this is out of the way – this meddlesome fear of the unknown that robs me of composure – then I'll be able to better control myself… as will you." He took the time to offer me a sympathetic smile "Fear will subside… and then we'll have no choice but to get creative as we explore new ways of getting this rise out of you…"

We locked eyes for a second, and he enjoyed the doom growing in mine.

"Now…" he looked smugly at the side, towards the bed, and twisted his lips in an excited, charming smile. And like a boy who calls a girl out to dance, he stretched his hand, his warm eyes lulling me into the illusion of a fairytale ending, where there was only terror "Let's get comfortable, shall we?"