Chapter Nine – Tired of Being a Pretender

Yuan Ghéo 'to Says?

"Due to the series of scandal involvement of this monarchy and with the situation getting worse which leads to the bad impression of this institution, there is no one to blame but the ineffectiveness of the leadership that is regulating on this dear monarchy. Now, I may suggest, that we, the concern counsel must decide now to put a new leader. Let us create a petition to King Xander that Chinese men only deserves no one but a Chinese leader. As we all know, King Xander is an English man and that only justify this conclusion that he did not care to this institution at all. So hear this, people of this monarchy, it is now about time to choose for a new one, the right one, and deserving one. Not foreign man or not someone who is not from the monarchy. Long-lived Ch'ing monarchy. Long live!"

"Hurrah!" the ministers and King's counsels exclaimed in chorus as Pa finally finishes his speech.

So, this is his plan? He does not seems to work a little that hard. He just takes advantage of the situation. Especially now that Lady Xiao Fan became the prime suspect on the death of the Prime Minister. It seems like the monarchy is now drowned into a vast space and its strong foundation for the time passed is about to give up now.

The only solution is to find a new replacement on the throne to bring back the trust of the people and other allies of the monarchy. I cannot help it but to smile. Impressive Dad!

I thought about this for so many times now. What will I get if I take Dad's side and helps him with this? It is simple – Shin-li.

King Xander have no choice but to arrange Shin-li n a marriage with me, or else, he will give up the kingdom.

Dad was already chosen to be the next leader. That is why.

If someone will ask me, why I did suddenly changed? Well, I am already tired of pretending that it is fine if I see her with someone else. Moreover, there is no one who deserves her but only myself alone. I already given my life to her ever since. One more thing, this is also for my late brother Lee-shin, who sacrificed even his life for her.

Regarding Dad, it is his personal interest to have the monarchy for himself alone. That old man waits for this moment to come and take chances in favor of him.

I guess, we are right. That afternoon, King Xander announces my engagement to Shin-li on the national press.

At last, I soon finally have a legal claim on her.

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Ch'ing Shin-li Says?

"How dare you!" I shouts as I slap Kuya Kent-li so hard in the face. "How can you say that my mama did it?"

I started to cry in disbelief. I shakes my head. "You are lying."

"It is true," he said in a serious tone and I can see in his eyes the pain and disappointment. "All the evidence points out to her and she already admits it."

"No!"

I turn to Yugi and he too, cannot even looks at me directly in the eyes. I bit my lower lip as I close my eyes for a second. I shakes my head again. "I cannot believe all of you," I said furiously. "I want to talk to her."

~

"So, it is true then?" I ask in between sobs.

She slowly nods with her hands trembling. She is also crying.

"Ma!" I shouts in disbelief.

"I am sorry," she cries as she reaches for my hand. We are currently in the interrogation room in the police station and the detectives agrees for us to meet her. "I am sorry. I did it for you and for Xander. Seto Lim is the root of all of these."

"No . . . no . . . "I said while shaking my head. "Even if he is wrong, killing a person is not ethical and morale. No matter who he is, you have no right to kill him . . ."

I taps my forehead as I clench my both fist.

"I know it, but I have no choice . . . That man is the reason why Shin-di left that day. If he did not return, she will never go back to him. That accident will never happen. He tried to kill you and brought agony to Xander. I am sorry . . . I do not expect you to forgive me."

"You have a choice! You always have." I told her, screaming those words to her in order for it to make sense in her mind. "You are no God to punish a person for their transgressions. You can always choose to let go. I cannot believe you. For once, I thought you are different, but you are not. You are exactly like the man you had killed. You keeps on killing the person that offends you. How can you be my mother? You disappoints me!"

"Shin-li . . . My daughter . . ."

I shakes my head again.

"Do not call me daughter. You are not even my real mother. I do not want a criminal mother."

"Shin-li!" she cries pleadingly as she tries to reach for my hand but I just push her away.

Yes, I did it even it hurts and even I do not want to do it. I want to tell her I am sorry but I cannot. I do not hate her but I am disappointed because I could not even see in her face any sign of remorse. It pains me how I really do not know her.

"Stay away! Maybe we can talk if you already think how you are wrong," I said with a heavy heart.

Outside her cell, I run to Yugi and hugs him as I burry my face on his shoulders.

"Tell me that it is not true," I said while crying. "This cannot be true. These were not all happening . . . "

Suddenly, the fairy tale I thought my life was, crumbles I into pieces in just a flash.

"I am sorry," he said with regrets.

~

That night, Yugi is the one who accompanied me in our palace, since he had his car with him.

"Goodnight," I said as I attempts to leave, by the still reaches for my hand.

"What?" I ask.

"My goodnight kiss?" he said innocently with a smile.

I also smile as I leans close and kiss him on the cheeks, but to my surprise, he turns his head and I kiss him on the lips instead.

"Goodnight," he said as he winks at me.

I chuckles. "Goodnight," I said again.

When he finally heads off, I still touches my lips and smiles again. I get my cellphone and dials his number.

To Yugi

'Take care of yourself. I love you.'

I almost laugh at myself when he replies back.

From Yugi

'Do not stress yourself too much. Eat on time. I love you too.'

Huh! It is good that in spite of every awful things that happened, he is still on my side – still standing strong as ever.

"You are having a good time?"

I turn to him then I smile.

"Yeah. Know what? In spite of everything, I still manage to smile because I have him."

I cling my arms on his elbow.

"You? Do not tell me, you are still not over me yet?"

"Of course."

I give him a pitiful stare, but he shrug it off and give me a timid smile.

"I am only joking," he said as he pinch my nose.

I just nod.

"That is good 'coz I do not want you to get hurt," I said while smiling. "Gio?"

"Huh?"

"You would not betray me right?"

"Where do you get that idea that I will betray you?"

I just shakes my head.

"Out of the blue," I answered. "Just do not betray me. You are my best friend," I said as I taps his shoulder then head inside the palace.

Why do I have this feeling that his every smile is fake? His every answer has a sad tone? His every stare lies a hidden pain?

I just shakes my head. That is futile. He is Gio. He is my best friend. He will not hurt me nor betray me. I knew him ever since. It is non sense to doubt him now. Huh!

~

"What engagement are you talking about Papa? I thought it was all over!" I exclaimed in a hysterical tone.

"It is a new arrangement," he answered.

"New arrangement? With whom?"

"To Yuan Ghéo'to."

I taps my forehead then clench my both fist as I hold back my tears.

"I am not a stuff that you can give away to everyone."

Tears starts to fall from my eyes this time.

"I am not a sort of possession that you can sell to anyone else. I am your daughter for God's sake, if truly there is a God! I cannot believe you! Is this what your power urges you to do?! You are already out of your mind Papa! I hate you! I hate you!"

By that, I left them and go to the usual place where Gio and I used to practice martial arts. As what I had expected, he was there.

"Gio!" I calls out.

By the time he heads towards me, I slaps him so hard in the face.

"I told you not to betray me!" I said in between sobs while my hands are trembling because of anger. I pointed my finger sharply in his chest. "I trusted you!"

"I only did what is right for the two of us and for the monarchy," he answered without looking at me.

"Do what is right? Do you really know what the right thing to do is? I am not a toy! You cannot control my life the way you want, as long as you want! I am tired of this!"

He reaches for my hand.

"I did it because I love you . . ." he said in a low voice then he give me that painful stare again.

I just shakes my head as I began to cry even more.

"Love? Love?!" I shouts then slaps him again. "If you love me you will let me to be happy!"

The thing that I never expect the most for him to do is he kiss me on the lips.

I tried to push him away but he only deepens the kiss and he is to harsh and aggressive. I do not know if it is his way to punish me. All I know is I am so hurt. I never imagine that we will ever come to the point that he will force me to do things that I am not willing to do.

I tries to free myself that is why I bite his lips but he only slaps me in the face.

"Gio?" I said in disbelief.

He push me on the floor then kiss me again as he pins my body with his arms and legs. I cannot believe him. I cannot believe that these were all happening.

He leaves my lips as he begins on kissing my neck while unbuttoning my blouse. All the pain in my heart drains all my remaining strength.

"I am already afraid of you Gio," I cried as he continue on kissing me.

When his lips reaches my chest, he stops. To my surprise, he punches the floor then taps his forehead. "I am sorry Shin-li," he said as he cries too.

I compose myself again as I stands up.

"I cannot believe you," I said as I am still shaking because of fear.

"I am sorry," he said again as he reaches for my hand but I just retreats. "Do not touch me. Stay away, you monster," I screams as I left him and runs to my room and lock myself there.

I cannot believe that Gio will hurt me. It hurts so much.

Mama betrayed me. Papa betrayed me. Gio betrayed me.

I trusted them but they only ends up on stabbing me. Whom I should trust now? Where I should go?

With my eyes already sore because of tears, I decided to let myself do things in my way. I break my glass window by means of throwing a flower vase on it, and without hesitation, I jump from the fourth floor of the palace.

Even I hurt my feet because of the fall and it is wounded because of the broken glass, I do not care. I just run and run. In spite of falling on the ground for so many times, I still keeps on running until I already have bruises all over my body.

Why is it so painful?

Here I am now wandering in the darkness. Alone . . .

I am afraid and I am so hurt . . .

I stops on running when I finally reaches Tang Hospital. "Help me," I whisper then black out.

~

I slowly opens my eyes.

Where I am?

I turn around only to find myself lying on a hospital bed. I tried to move my legs but I could not. It has a cast on it due to fractures.

I looks at my side, only to find Yugi sitting on a chair next to my bed and he is sleeping with only his arm as a support for his head, while the other one is holding my hand.

I tried to move my fingers. By that, he finally wakes up.

I manage to smile at him, though I doubts that it turns to frown.

Good thing you are awake," he said as he kiss my hand.

I just nod at him.

"Are you hungry?"

I only shakes my head. "How do you know that I am here?"

"Dione told me about what happened – that the nurses here found you so helpless. What happened? You even broke your leg?"

I just only remains silent as I remember what happened between Gio and myself. Then, tears fall from my eyes, but as what he always do, Yugi wipes it away again.

"Is it about the news of your marriage with Ghéo'to?" he ask.

I just nod at him then squeeze his hand.

"Bring me somewhere else," I said in between sobs. "I want to be far away from here. Please, I am begging you. Bring me somewhere else where they could not find us. Let us leave this place huh?"

He just nod at me.

"Anywhere else where I could be with you," he said as he kiss my forehead.

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Yuan Ghéo'to Says?

You are insane Gio! You are insane!

I just keeps on punching the wall of our martial arts studio as I keeps on crying.

I hurt her again . . . and now she will never ever forgive me . . .

With my bloody fist, I give another blow to the wall again, until it is already numb from the pain.

I already drunk a dozen bottle of beer, but I still did not dare to stop.

I am so stupid and so foolish! Now, she hates me even more. I do not deserve her at all. I almost rape her. I taps my forehead then pulls my hair out of frustration.

"I am sorry . . . I am so sorry . . ."

What I had done is very unforgivable, and it really hurts me inside, as if a dagger was being stab in my chest.

I deserves to die . . . I am not worth loving . . .

As tears keeps on falling from my eyes, I get my dad's self-defense gun, and without hesitation, I shot my head.

-BANG!-