33

can take you home." He spoke, but he already knew the answer as soon as the words left his lips before I could even open my mouth. I sighed and shook my head, shaking my head as I pushed his hand away from my cheek and moved back to sit on the bench opposite me. I wrapped my arms around my body, pulling it into me defensively as my chin rested against my bicep and I closed my eyes against the tears that threatened to fall. "No, Crowley..." I whispered. After everything, I didn't want Crowley walking me home again. I wanted to walk home on my own. I needed to think. To remember… To put the events of the afternoon to the back of my mind and think about everything properly before I tried to tackle this huge problem. It wasn't fair to anyone else when I made these stupid decisions because I was hurting myself and everyone else… It wasn't fair to anyone. Not to Crowley. Not to Gabriel and certainly not to him… I didn't want to get into an argument again. I didn't want to argue because I wanted to protect both of us. I wanted to keep the good memories that I shared with Crowley. I wanted to stay happy and content with our current life together. I couldn't ruin it by fighting with him. I wasn' t worth it. We loved each other too much to break up, we wouldn't… That's what I kept reminding myself. Our relationship could go on just as it was now without any problems or arguments. My mind wandered back to the moment I had stood beside him, watching as he held my hands tightly and pressed kisses against them with a bright smile on his face. It reminded me of how happy I used to be and how happy I could be again if only he wasn't so stubborn. He wouldn't listen to me. How was I supposed to explain this to him? How was I to tell him that I still had my powers? 'I don't want to lose you again… I can't lose you again!' My head snapped up as he screamed those words at me. 'You won't lose me again!' I screamed silently in return, clenching my teeth as my jaw clenched tightly against the memory of him standing there, shaking his head as though in frustration and anger at me. "Why won't you tell me anything?!" He cried desperately. As he spoke, I stared back at him. He gazed at me pleadingly, his expression so filled with worry. There weren't many people he showed genuine concern for. Only Aziraphale, his best friend. The only person who made him happy. And now, I was ruining his happiness with my stupidity and recklessness. He was right. I would probably never trust him again. How could I trust him when he acted like this? Why does he have to act like I'm something bad?! "I am so tired of seeing you like this… Of seeing you shut yourself up inside your room thinking that everything is going to be okay, but it clearly isn't…" He continued angrily. "Don't you realise that it kills me every single day to see you like this? Every single time I come to visit you in your apartment I can only see the sadness in your eyes and see the way you hold your shoulders whenever you're around me, so how dare you tell me that everything is okay!" "Crowley, I-" I attempted to interrupt, only to quickly shut my mouth shut as soon as I realised it was useless. "You need help," he stated firmly, turning his whole attention towards me. "I know, I know… You don't need to remind me…" I mumbled, avoiding his gaze. "Stop avoiding my eyes. What's going on?" he demanded impatiently, causing me to let out a small sigh and look down at my hands. I couldn't face him anymore