29

But he didn't seem very receptive. Did you try telling him why you love him? Perhaps it would help him to get used to your feelings." My gaze snapped back up to their piercing green eyes as I opened my mouth to reply when I abruptly cut myself off. The truth. There was a part of me that wanted to deny it out of spite… to hide behind lies and pretend that it had never happened. But there was something in the pit of my stomach begging me to answer the question and just say it outright to them. Even if it meant that I might never get the chance to say it back… "No, Beelzebub… I didn't… I'm sorry," I muttered quietly. "Aziraphale… Why not? We both know he likes you. If anyone deserves a proper confession, it should be him. And it won't hurt him one single bit to hear it. And I can vouch for your sincerity…" I hesitated for another moment, swallowing thickly as I tried to form the words to respond. "I… Don't know. I just…. I guess because I don't deserve him." "That is a ridiculous notion. No one should be given the ability to simply fall in love again. It's unfair to them. To anyone. Just because you don't deserve to be loved does not mean you deserve to be alone for eternity. You don't need to earn anyone's love… It should happen naturally and without anyone's interference. Just because you were created to love doesn't make you inherently evil. And no one has the authority to determine whether you're worthy or not. Everyone deserves the freedom to love however they please… And the fact that you are incapable of it says far more about your character than what some random human will say." I swallowed once again, nodding as my head slowly began to swim with tears as they started gathering again in my eyes. "I just.. I can't. My whole existence, my entire existence means nothing if I lose him. I… I just can't take losing him again," I choked out, burying my head deeper into Crowley's chest and trying to hide my face from them as tears dripped down my cheeks. A few moments passed before I felt a gentle hand running its fingers through my hair soothingly. "Shhh, angel. Everything will be alright. Everything will work itself out. I'll make sure of it…" I nodded weakly, pulling myself together as I looked up at them and gave them a small shaky smile. "Thank you, Beelzebub. For everything," I murmured sadly, wiping away the stray tears with the sleeve of my jacket as I smiled shyly at them. Beelzebub smirked back at me warmly. "Anytime, angel." Chapter 13 It had been almost three months since that fateful day after I told Crowley. Three months since my conversation with Beelzebub. Three months of constantly fighting demons, of living in Hell for the most part, and having to worry constantly about how Crowley was taking it all. But then finally he got over it… He seemed okay. More than okay, in fact. And I couldn't believe my luck that he decided that talking to me about his problems helped him get rid of his demons… I didn't know what I'd done to deserve such a blessing. We spent our time together almost every night in the flat. He would cook dinner, clean while I watched Netflix, and occasionally he would go back upstairs to change into some pajamas so that he could spend a little extra time with me.