Chapter 31

The violent churn of your stomach is cowed into a uncomfortable rumble by your fifth strip of chicken teriyaki. When you look at the table again, crowded with an extravagant number of dishes, the way your saliva pools in the back of your mouth signals that your ravenous appetite has returned. The tension in your shoulders finally releases, and your straight backed posture relaxes against the hard wood of your chair.

You throw yourself into shovelling rice into your mouth. From your periphery, Aoi retrieves her anxiety laden stare as the rice in your bowl finally begins to lessen. Thankfully no one other than Aoi had caught on to your strange behaviour. Strange, meaning you're still on your first bowl of rice even though it's been fifteen minutes since dinner started. It isn't strange for Aoi to catch on this quickly since she's designated herself as your caretaker for each meal, refilling your bowl when you request for a second or third serving of rice.

You pause from shovelling rice into your mouth and glance down. Your bowl is still a third full. You're seriously lucky everyone is too busy stuffing their mouths with the drool worthy spread that's prepared. One look at you, and you'll find yourself bombarded with questions.

You grab more meat and add several scoops of vegetables on top of your remaining rice. There, this will diguise it for now. There isn't much left before you empty the bowl.

You raise your head to look at Aoi sitting across from you. You don't bother being discrete, she's focused on eating her own meal now that she thinks you're back to your usual self.

However…

You suppress the sigh that threatens to bubble up at the sight of her creased forehead and knitted eyebrows, and throw your head back to gobble down your food. That pinched expression tells you what you can expect once dinner is over.

You inhale more food, focusing on the medley of delicious flavours dancing across your tongue and not on your incoming headache. You finish your third serving of stewed long beans, your fourth chunk of glazed chicken, before you realize your naiveté. Your anxiety hasn't subsided, and your mind remains as much of a mess as you left it.

When Aoi pulls you aside and throttles you with questions later, what are you going to to tell her?

You can't tell her the truth. You can never. What could you say? That Kanao, her sister and a girl barely half your age, shocked you speechless with her cutting words and piercingly cold eyes?

Psychological warfare is common among merchants and you've experienced a good number of situations that turned sour to know how to bounce back from them, but you never expected that a child, from the Butterfly Estate of all places, would end up throwing you off as badly as Kanao has.

After swallowing a mouthful of edamame, you pretend to do a sweep of the spread of dishes on the table. Your gaze briefly lingers on Shinobu, who's smiling at an excitedly chattering Naho, before moving over the rest of the girls. Evenyually, you stop on Kanao.

After your… altercation with her, you had gone back to your room, where you spent twenty minutes with your back on the tatami, staring at the ceiling, before Kiyo knocked on your door calling you to dinner.

Looking at Kanao now, sitting on the farthest end of the table with her head down and her shoulders hunched, it's clear that encounter didn't just sour your mood. As you observe her, seemingly trapped in the same stunned daze you had been in, you silently comb through your memories. What have you done to make her attitude towards you so overwhelmingly hostile?

You must have done something, you think, to make her react that strongly at the mere sight of you. Back when you first started living at the mansion, the brief encounters you had with her was the equivalent of two strangers passing each other on the streets.

You redirect your attention back to the food, liberally stuffing your mouth with fried pork so you won't be dragged into any conversation. With how agitated you are, you probably won't make good company. You don't wish to alarm anyone else, worrying Aoi is already one person too many. You might not know what goes on in the wards, but you know the work the girls do is usually taxing on body and mind. They deserve this chance to let loose.

You watch Shinobu pat Sumi's head, ruffling her hair as she talks. The happy satisfaction on her face is blatant. Across from her, Naho leans eagerly over her empty bowl, elbows bent at a painful looking angle. Beside her, Kiyo's face is like an unfurled flower faced towards the sun, soaking up every word escaping Shinobu's lips.

Seeing them scrambling to interact with Shinobu, their fondness for her soblinding that even an outsider could tell what they felt… you nearly feel bad for having Shinobu all to yourself earlier today.

Not that you'd do anything differently. It is impossible to bring yourself to regret monopolising Shinobu. Today's date was wonderful, and the memories you've formed will be among your most treasured.

Shinobu looks up, her gaze falling onto you. You glimpse those teasing purple eyes and nearly choke on your mouthful of meat and rice. It is times like this that you wonder if Shinobu can read minds. She always seems to know when you're thinking of her.

Your face remains impassive but beneath the table, you furiously rub one of your palms on your thigh. It's barely been two hours since you parted with her under that tree and you're acting with the sentimentality of being separated from her for years. If anybody was privy to your thoughts, you think slitting your throat would be the best chance at preserving your dignity. It's unbecoming of a man to have romance on the brain, but with a woman like Shinobu...

You rub your thigh even harder. You'd rather demons exist than mind readers. How embarassing.

Shinobu lifts her cup to her mouth. Her lips shifts in the barest of movements before she takes a sip.

'Are you alright?'

Your eyes immediately dart around to make sure no one's watching you. It is how you catch Kanao staring. Her stare is scorching, her eyes like two flints of stone digging into your flesh. She immediately turns away when she realizes you caught her.

You look back at Shinobu, who is now nibbling on beautifully shaped onigiri dotted with bits of seaweed. Those purple eyes idly graze across the room. She probably missed Kanao's act of attempting to murder you with her stare, then. Shinobu's focus snaps back to you when you clear your throat.

'Later,' you mouth. At Shinobu's nod, you drop your head to concentrate on filling your belly again. Remembering the thinly veiled loathing in Kanao's gaze, you shovel more food into your mouth.

Tonight marks the first time you wished dinner would be over as quickly as possible.

---

As expected, Aoi corners you in the kitchen. She is aggressive for a girl who's head barely comes up to the middle of your chest. Then again, she has been wrangling adults into obedience to tend to their wounds for longer then you've known her. It is laughable to think that staring at you until you're done with the dishes will phase her.

When you have set aside the dishes to be dry, you turn to see Aoi with her hands on her hips, fully prepared to dig out kicking and screaming whatever she thinks you're hiding. Your countenance is the complete opposite of what you felt during dinner. When Aoi opens her mouth, you jump to steal the first word. "Aoi, I'm certain you noticed how distracted I was acting earlier."

Aoi nods, her expression shifting from from determination to confusion. Seeing that you've thrown her off, you continue with a light chuckle, "I know I didn't do a good job of hiding it. Since we are alone, I hope you could offer me some words of advice."

After your brief exchange with Shinobu, you managed to come up with the perfect excuse. Your previous anxiety has disappeared with the leftover grains of rice you washed off the tableware. It also helps that Kanao is absent, or the kitchen would be stuffed with tension.

You pretend to give the empty kitchen a cursory glance, heightening Aoi's curiosity. Seeing her completely taken with your actions, you lean in. "My problem is related to Shinobu-san." Aoi's eyes blow wider than the plates you'd washed, and you can almost see her mind whirring behind them. You quickly push forward, "You see, I've been wanting to speak with her about something demon related, but I'm starting to wonder if I will get that chance. I haven't found any opportunities despite a week of patience. I know I could approach her during the day, but I don't want to distract her from her duties."

"I see," A sheepish look crosses Aoi's face before she replaces it with one of intense deliberation. "So you were distracted from thinking about how to speak privately with Shinobu-neesan?"

"Exactly," you praise. "Do you have any ideas or methods I could use? Ones that won't make her uncomfortable."

What you are feeind Aoi is a harmless lie, but a lie nonetheless. You soothe your stabbing guilt with a promise to make it up to her. Your next mission can't be far, you'll make sure to bring back something she's been wanting when you're done. Most importantly, you make a promise to yourself not to turn this into a habit. White lies can still be weaved into a rope if someone isn't careful.

"Hm, let me think." Aoi taps her chin, looking so serious you almost thought you asked her to sew a meter long gash on someone's temple. You've witnessed her do it before, and while her hands do not hold Shinobu's confident ease, her skill is obvious enough to know she's on her way to becoming a splendid doctor.

You wait patiently for her diagnosis. Finally, a grin splits her face. "Ryuu, I think I have just the idea!" She thumbs her nose. "Seriously, what would you do without me?"

"Let's hope I will never find out." The sheer force enthusiasm makes you grin. "Alright, tell me."

In less than twenty minutes, you find yourself standing outside Shinobu's laboratory with a tray in your hands. You watch a spiral of steam escape spout of the tea pot, lazily curling in the chilled night air.

You glance about the empty hallway before lightly rapping your knuckles on the door. You don't want to imagine the sort of rumours that would fly about if someone caught you here. Though you've readied plenty of good excuses that would preserve your reputation, you are aware some people don't need a reason.

In a soft voice, you call out, "Shinobu-san, it's me. Are you busy at the moment? Aoi sent me to deliver tea. She's worried you might be tired after running your afternoon errands."

"You may enter, Ryuu."

You slide the door open and step inside. Shinobu is seated at her desk. Her haori is draped over her chair, leaving her in the simple black and white of the Slayer uniform. They blend almost perfectly with the dark shade of the towering shelves behind her, and if the door had been ajar, anyone who peeked into the lab as they passed would have missed her completely.

Shinobu lifts her gaze off the papers in front of her. "Good evening."

"Good evening," you parrot, drinking in the sight of Shinobu's studious profile. Her sleeves are rolled up past her wrists, halfway on her forearm. The smell of freshly ground ink pervades the room, blending seamlessly with the lingering scent of Wisteria you've come to associate with her. "I know I said it already, but I brought tea. I'll pour you a cup if you care to have some."

"Does Aoi send her regards?"

You consider your reply. The boldness of your next thoughts surprises you: you've already kissed her, so what do you have to lose being honest?

"The tea was her idea, but I was already planning to pay you a visit. Aoi happened to provide me with a suitable excuse." You walk forward until you're just shy of a meter from her desk. You lower the tray, letting her have a look at the crafted clay pot and pair of cups you prepared. "I brewed the tea myself, so consider it a warning that the taste might not be up to par with what you're used to."

"If it's tea that you personally made," Shinobu's smile is impish. "I'll definitely not miss the chance to try it." When her lips curl in such an alluring manner, you mind is quick to delve into the memories of the closeness you shared with them earlier today.

You clear your throat, simultaneously clearing your mind of… impure thoughts. "If you say so."

You wait for Shinobu to move her papers before setting down the tray. Once you've filled both cups, she takes one and holds it to her mouth. She gently blows the hot liquid as you pick up your own tea cup and take a long sip. The searing burn of boiled tea barely phases you as you watch Shinobu take her first taste.

"Not bad," Shinobu hums. "I can tell it isn't your first time."

"I am glad to know that my poor skills are being appreciated." You lick your numbed lips, still tingling from their sudden exposure to the hot tea, and allow your gaze to roam lazily over the shelves. It's not like you haven't been to her lab before, but you'd prefer to look elsewhere instead of oogling Shinobu while she drinks. You parse over the numerous book spines. Some are leather bound with cracked spines while others are pristine, and you idly attempt to decipher several complex kanji that you get stuck on.

You see it, then. The framed picture rests innocently on the upper shelf, like it hadn't just blown your world apart. You let out a strangled noise, like a cross between a grunt and shocked gasp.

You hear a light thump as Shinobu sets down her cup. "Is something wrong, Ryuu?"

"My drawing." Without waiting for a reply, you move around her desk. You reach up and grab the frame with ease. You spin around and hold it out to her. Shinobu's jaw goes slack when she sees it, and a burst of vivid red immediately floods her cheeks. The colour even dyes the tips of her ears. "I know Aoi kept them, but I didn't think that you would have."

Considering these drawings were sent during your Kakunodate mission, right after that momentous argument, you're truly surprised Shinobu hadn't torn them to shreds the moment she laid eyes on them.

The frame is solid in your grip. You can tell this is good quality wood from its accented shine and its smooth gradient of colour. This is the kind of frame you would expect to be used for precious scrolls, texts, or painted family portraits. Not the sketch of a Nadeshiko flower you captured on a whim using charcoal.

"You were certainly bold in choosing to send that particular flower after what transpired between us," Shinobu bites out. Now it's your turn to flush, because that comeback clearly states that she knows what the Nadeshiko represents. You quickly turn away with a roll of your eyes to mask your mortification, placing the framed drawing back where you found it.

You fiddle with your collar, feeling that the temperature in the lab has suddenly turned unbearably hot. "I didn't do it on purpose! It was only after I sent it that I realized how the drawing could be misconstrued. And anyway, I placed it with several the other sketches, so I didn't think anyone would be upset."

You don't know if she believes you, but you aren't lying. You know that 'pure love' is commonly conveyed using the Nadeshiko flower, but when you sketched the delicate outline of that swaying beauty you'd passed on the road, you did it out of admiration. A single flower, near buried under weeds and grass. It had been a desolate, heart clenching sight. Rather than resembling Shinobu, it reminded you of yourself. Alone in the world, poised to be uprooted at any moment by fickle winds or travellers.

When you turn and find yourself toe to toe with Shinobu. You don't know when she left her seat but here she stands, her hair lightly tousled, her lips faintly glistening from the tea you prepared. Her previously flushed skin has also already receded to its usual pallor.

"It might have been inappropriate back when there was nothing between us," Shinobu uses her hand to finger the slanting neckline of your kimono. Every line of your body goes taut, but despite the tension, you seem to be leaning into her touch. "But that isn't the case now, is it?"

If Shinobu's smile was a weapon, even the emperor wouldn't be spared. "Don't you agree, Ryuu?"

"I– yes." The playful crook of her mouth is what snaps you out of your daze. You huff and catch the hand that's beginning to trail down the front of your kimono. "Redirecting the topic to distract me from teasing you, hm? Brilliant use of tactics."

"My, my, have I been found out?" The lab reverates with Shinobu's lilting laughter. "I was worried by how you were acting during dinner, but I suppose whatever problem you encountered has been resolved." Shinobu reverses the grip on your hand. Her fingers stroke the back of your knuckles. "Still, would you care to tell me what it was about?"

"You and Aoi must be of the same mind," you shake your head. "Both your guesses are frighteningly accurate. How could you tell I was distracted by something problematic?" An understatement to describe the inner chaos caused by Kanao's words, but the atmosphere feels too good to bring it up. You slowly lean in until you're close enough to count her eyelashes.

"I do not know about Aoi," Shinobu says. "But I suspected had something happened to you after you returned. After all, you are still dressed in what you had gone out in."

You chance a look down. You had completely forgotten you were still dressed in the date's fanciful attire. You want to run a hand over your face. It is actually a miracle none of the girls had brought it up during dinner, or you would have been put in a troublesome spot.

"You're right," you say. Shinobu tilts her head upward. By now, your lips are hovering directly over hers. "To be honest, I was greatly affected by what I encountered. I still am. Some comfort would be sorely welcomed…"

The kiss sends sparks of pleasure racing to every single one of your nerve endings. You sigh into her mouth, all the pent up tension from her teasing releasing in a single bout.

You don't think you'll ever get used to kissing Shinobu Kocho. It is as futile as trying to capture the all encompassing exquisiteness of Mount Fuji into a single canvas.

Your eyes are about to slide shut when you hear a sharp, choked gasp. The kiss is immediately broken. Both of you break apart, and you whip aroud, following the direction of Shinobu's gaze.

"Ah-" Though the gap in the door is slight, it is easy to tell who it is. Like her voice, Kanao's tiny figure trembles like a chaff of wheat the moment before it is scythed. "Nee-san, you…"