Distraught

I was working on some documents when i overheard this conversation. The messenger was saying that our department should mobilize a squad to assist in what would be an attack to one of the villages within our territory. War is a really terrible thing, it would be better if people were to avoid it.

Then i heard it. As it happened my heart leapt out of my chest, my ears rang so loud that it was defeaning, and at the same time they were both burning so much that i they felt like they were gonna fall off any moment. There was also a chilling sensation running up and down my spine like a cat and mouse chase.

I stormed out of the office ignoring everyone who were calling out to me, i heard their voices but i couldn't make out what they were saying. I also can't remember how many people i bumped into while i was storming out. I don't know how i'd get to my village instantly, teleportation hasn't been discovered yet. The fastest route that i could think of was the train. I have my pass with me so iimmediately ran to the platform and got on the express  train headed towards my village's direction.

The travel time is around 2 hours. All that was running through my head was: i ain't a very religious person but i was praying to all the powers that be), "please, let me make it there".

I don't really have a family in that village, they've all gone. But the the memories that that village symbolizes to me is it is my only anchor to my sanity. I left the village yes, but it don't mean that i have removed it from my life. I would still be visiting it regularly, and i have. It's my place of calm whenever the battles within me are surging, when i am soffocated with the craps caused by my actions or otherwise. The simple life there, the comfort it gives me, my safety blanket. Life hasn't been very kind for a while, and i have been planning on visiting very soon.

The panic attacks came back, "please, let the village be safe". Anger is surging through me, i have to get there soon. I'll destroy the buggers bit my bit for the crime of threatening something i hold dear.

All these thoughts was ruuning in my head in less than ten minutes. How did i know? I caught the signage of the last station of the city. Why did it seemingly stopped me from my thoughts you ask? This was the last place recently that i was with someone from the village. We left the village for diffedent jobs. I wonder if she's safe or if she knows about the predicament.

Panic attack again. How much longer? I'm going crazy.

The driver announced that we'd be alighting three stations earlier as the other ones were closed due to some glitches. I knew why so i stormed out of the train the moment we reached our stop and ran towards the end of the current city. I have to get to the village soon.

I went to the only passable fastest route to the village from the city. It was cordoned off. Security was tight. My mind was on overdrive. How do i get past the security? Do i just sprint my legs and lungs out? I wasn't gonna give a crap on  whatever or whoever was gonna stand on my way, but, they have semi automatic guns, k9 units, vehicles loaded with gattling guns, anti air weapons. I am no use dead for my goal, i have to find a more, well, well thought of way around this.

"Sir, what are you doing here? This area is off-limits to civilians now." i was so startled that iinstinctively reached out for my dagger that wasn't even in its usual place on my waist. I left it on my desk back in the office.

I slowly turned around, hands up in the air, sweat dripping on my face, the soldier looked at me, perplexed at my reaction, he was scanning me from head to feet. And then he gave me a salute, a soldiers salute. "sir, are you the part of the advance party for the village out north?" huh? What is this guy saying? I stared at him blankly, and then, i realized i was still wearing my office badge. So lucky.

"let's go to the command post sir, we have a briefing going on right now". I told the soldier that i have to get to the villlage asap to assess the damage. I said it in the most authoritative way that i could, the soldier looked surprised, a bit rattled. "please let me through, i'm begging you" is the thought in my head at that time. The soldier smiled and said, "sir, i have my bike around that corner, i can drive you now". "yes, please,. Let's go immediately".

The ride is just gonna take half an hour tops from there. Halfway through, a huge explotion took place. The sound definitely came from the village's direction, the light even came from the same direction. We stumbled from our track. I can't remeber how many times i hit my head or limbs with anything from where we fell.

"please be safe". Like a madman i've repeating those words like a mantra. I ran non-stop for the next couple of minutes, my legs were almost immobile, my breathing is so heavy, my vision is almost black, but i persevered.

I got there. Or where i thought where it was. From where i was standing was a crater. A crater in place of my village. My heart was beating so hard, all the tears i've held back since i've left the office escaped my tear ducts. I dropped on my knees, everything i was hoping to save was gone.

My mind is blank. My heartbeats so fast. Cold sweat running through my body. Anger. I'll destroy them all. Sorrow. They're gone forever. Lifeless. My anchor is gone.

Life goes on, true, but at the point where i am at my life, i know that what i lost in front of me is my life. This ain't the "heck, give it a couple of weeks and you'll be fine". This is the "i'll be a shell of myself from here on out, no matter what happens".

Distraught. Despite your best effort, you failed. Dismissed,. The only validation you have of yourself annihilated. Shattered. All your life's goal, gone so violently in an instant.

Tears running down my cheeks. Irregular heart beats. Emptiness. Void. Forever gone. Numb. Thoughtless. Freezing wind. Soundless. Darkness. Motionless. Homeless. Aaaaarrrgggggghhhhhh!!!!