Shopping for the wedding and Applying Henna
Two weeks have passed since I received the Mehr, the madrassa and the mosque both were under construction. the engineer incharge would give me weekly updates. since I was too busy in the hospital to drop by daily.
The date of the wedding has been settled. Fifteen days from now I'll be officially married to Asad. Most of my relatives including grandpa suggested I hand in my resignation letter to the hospital board since according to them, I'll have to take care of my home and husband so I should drop out of the working for now. secondly After Marriage I'm moving to Asheville North Carolina I can't possibly drive three hours to work and back. quitting was inevitable but not too soon.
I walk in the kitchen to ditch the now empty cup of coffee. I traced the house touching everywhere I pass with the tips of my fingers. I'll miss the cozy feeling of my home. I ended up outside in the garden, sitting on the bench. All the people around me but a feeling of solitude penetrates and stings my heart. flashback of when dad asked if I could back out last month, I was on the verge of doing just that but then again the nature of the question was controversial.
I heard shouts from inside, children making chaos, a Thing I definitely won't miss.
Aunty Raya's twins are pure pawns of Satan!, they're known in the whole family for being troublesome. very mischievous and pranksters.
I twist myself in a disturbing angle, to check them from the glass window. someone was chasing them from the living room. It was Tina!, probably running from their baths. most of our family members from Aunty Raya, Hababi (grandpa) and Selme my eldest cousin have moved in temporally with us for my wedding since they leave very far from Atlanta.
I ignored the scene and paid attention to the garden, I was lost somewhere between anger and loneliness. I was angry at me for being very weak, not standing up for myself, to politely refuse the marriage arrangement but in the End I didn't. This loneliness I felt deep inside was for no other reason but the emptiness that's going to rule this compromise of a marriage.
When I talked to Asad that day, I made it clear to him that, I'd still want to work after marriage and to study further to become a doctor. He agreed with me as he said he was not going to let me waste my knowledge at home while I could be out there helping others. The first reason to oppose this marriage was crushed to dust. and something inside me a tinny Winnie thing melted away.
I sat there peacefully trying to forget that Asad exists or in less than eighteen days I'll be a married woman.
my phone buzzes beside me signaling text message. I lazily pick it up expecting a text from Pinky, she cooked up nowdays making more preparations than my family for the wedding, she didn't know I had an objection to this marriage otherwise she wouldn't have been this hyper about it.
##Is it true what I've heard??.. yo getting married??##
My eyes popped out, my mouth instantly went dry. the lump was back snuggling my throat. I'm usually good in handling situations but this.. this was different. I read the text again, trying to come up with a good explanation that can make sense. Before I could text anything the phone buzzed again in my hands with another incoming text.
##Is that the reason why you've been avoiding me and ignoring my calls??##
punching the reply button I began typing something only to erase it to start over again now and then. at last I gave up slamming the phone back beside me, the phone started ringing looking at the caller ID I desperately look behind me and my either sides if there was someone and I picked the call.
________________________________
The wedding day got closer and closer, it was only five days to the wedding. Eighteenth of May.
The house was full of decorators, Re-arranging and decorating the house. there were small lights everywhere at the garden outside. you could mistake our house to an Indian home celebrating Diwali. it was beautiful just beautiful.
I removed my body from the balcony, to go after Ummy.
"Layla hurry..! we'll be late!" that is not Ummy it's e'mti Raya mom's elder sister. they have the same attitude and traits. they were ushering me because we had to go shopping, for the wedding. I would have preferred if they left me home. Abbui drove us to the mall to shop and call after we're done.
They bought unnecessary stuffs for me if you ask me, I didn't even want to get involved with the shopping. I remained in the background with Selme and Muna choosing stuffs for them, until we called it a day and left to go home.
The second day went so fast and it was Wednesday day. the day of applying henna. mom called the best Artist in town to apply henna on me. I must say this is torture!! the other artists were applying mom, eimty, Selme and Muna. the ritual began after lunch by sunset everybody's henna was done except for mine.
The time on the night stand reads 23:45pm, I put on my night gown to get some sleep or better yet toss and turn till sunrise like the other days of this week.
Tomorrow after Isha prayer I'll be gone. far from my room, home and away from this town. I examine the perfect drawings on my hands and legs knowing this was it....
I lay my head against the pillow, allowing the tears I've been holding back for so many days to fall silently. I cried but also making sure I'm not noticed or alarm everyone.
After a while I felt my bed dip, and soft hands patting my sides. I was then engulfed in a cuddle and I allowed few sobs to escape my mouth.
"shshshshsh, habibty everything Will be alright" Ummy spoke in a broken voice as if she too was on the verge of breaking down.
"I'll miss you Ummy,.. you, Muna and Abbui...this house has always been my home" I hiccuped
"It's hard for us too, but that's how it is... you grow up to leave home someday.... we can't keep you forever"
"You'll be safe and happy in Asad's hands. I just know it" she assured me.
she pulled the covers over us kissing the top of my head she comforted me to sleep. with her cuddling me in her safest arms for the last time.