Chapter 37: Secrets.

Now that one secret was out, we only had one more to hide. Despite being able to trust the boys, I didn't want to tell them about my visions or the voice calling me knowing that it was my own problem which I had to solve myself. I had already roped Remus into it which I regretted deeply but I wouldn't bring the others into it, I couldn't. So far, I'd found none of the answers I sought but still stuck to my original routine of examining multiple books in the library for hours on end each Saturday. I had very quickly grown tired of coming out empty handed after spending most of the day with the books and despite the searching, I felt further away from the answers than when we started.

So far today, I had spent three hours surrounded by books and as per usual, I had found nothing. There was not a single mention of my visions, the random person calling me or about my wand in the main section of the library which is why I sent Remus to go ask one of the professors for a pass to the restricted section. I debated whether or not I should just sneak in somehow (most likely with James' invisibility cloak which I may have borrowed without permission) but for that to happen, I would need someone else to enter so I could slip in. We can blame some older students for breaking into the restricted section so they had to cast a charm which stops the unlocking charm from working.

I had a feeling that most of my answers were beyond the gate but nothing was certain so I kept looking. It was quite quiet without James and Sirius joking around but it was so peaceful to not be distracted by the duo. I also knew that they just wouldn't step into the library until one of them had won so either way it was a win for me. Knowing them though, they had probably found Remus by now and were harassing him whilst he was getting the pass so he was probably dealing with them right now. Hopefully he would get back soon though.

With a quiet sigh, I close a book about wands and push it away tiredly. Once again I'd found nothing and I was getting really sick of it. "Meadow, you okay there?" a voice asked. I looked up and met with a pair of chocolate brown eyes which Naomi had and her hair framing her face perfectly.

"Yeah I'm fine, just tired" I partially lied. I mean I was tired but I wasn't completely fine. I felt like I was losing my sanity being surrounded by books upon books all containing an overwhelming amount of information which was of no use to me in the slightest. But I had to find answers even if it was the last thing I did.

"You sure?" I nod and pull another book from my pile over to me, opening it up to the contents page. I began to skim the list instantly until I found the section on famous and powerful wands and turning to it. Meanwhile, Naomi had sat down on a chair opposite mine with her own book open across the table. She didn't say anything for a while and just sat there quietly reading whatever book she had whilst I continued the search for my wand. There were a few wands that did stand out but none of them were quite the same as mine, they were all missing the crystal at the end of the handle for a start.

A/N: Okay so I know when I first described the wand in chapter four there was no mention of the crystal at the bottom of the wand but I just thought of it and I'm now adding it. I might correct in chapter four later on so if this note isn't here next time you view this chapter, it's because I changed it <3 Now back to the story!

"I take it you heard about Remus?" I asked Naomi quietly looking up from my book after a few minutes of reading. I didn't want to be the one to bring it up but I needed to know that I could trust her to not tell anybody, not that I didn't trust her that is. I just wanted to be certain that I could trust her in case anything bad was to happen.

She avoided all eye contact but nodded. "Yes, I did hear. I'm sorry that you had to grow up with his ... condition, it's not fair that you had to put your whole life behind because of it" she said quietly but loud enough for me to hear. "I don't mind by the way, honestly I've had my suspicions for a while but I just didn't want to say anything that could offend either of you and I didn't want to make you guys think that I would turn Remus in."

"Hey, it's okay I don't blame you. I'm honestly just glad your fine with it, it would be a bit awkward if the entire school were to find out" I joked making the girl laugh quietly.

"Yeah it would be but I promise I wouldn't tell anyone for the world. You guys are my only friends and if there was one thing I've learned, it's that friends don't turn each other in." I smiled warmly and we both turn back to our books to keep reading. It was at least a good ten minutes until she spoke up again. "What are you reading?" Naomi asked looking up.

"Just trying to find some information about my wand, apparently it's special or it belonged to someone special centuries ago. That's what Ollivander said when I was down Diagon Alley anyway" I explained, pulling my wand out of my pocket for her to look at. She took the wood carefully and examined it for a few seconds before returning it.

"I think I saw this in one of the books last year-" she said with a frown. I sat up quickly in my chair and leaned forward with wide eyes. "I just can't remember which one" she finished sadly. I fell back in my chair disappointed but not at Naomi, it wasn't her fault she couldn't remember but if she's seen it, then the book must be around here somewhere. "Sorry, I'll keep an eye out for it though and bring it to you if I ever find it" she apologized. I nodded in thanks and glanced at her open book and asked he what she was reading.

She blushed deeply. "The Tales of Beedle the Bard, I know it's a children's book but I never got to read children's books growing up" Naomi explained.

I nodded. "It's nothing to be ashamed of, they're a good collection of stories. May I ask why you never go to read or listen to them? Only if your comfortable talking about it that is" I asked but wanted to make sure she was comfortable first.

"It's okay, I don't mind. Basically my mum disappeared when I was a baby, if she died or just left I don't know but I was raised by my dad. He- to put it simply, he's an asshole. He never really took care of me and just cared about himself... He's also the reason why I stayed at school last summer and why I am this year, and next year, and the year after that. Basically until I'm old enough to get my own place" she explained nervously, fidgeting with her fingers the entire time.

"Sorry to hear that, you do know you really didn't have to tell me if you were uncomfortable about it" I apologized.

"It's okay, besides I know I can trust you" Naomi beamed. Once more we fell into a comfortable silence reading again until a figure loomed over us casting a shadow. Looking up nervously, I let out a breath I didn't even realize I was holding and smile at Remus.

"Got the pass, ready to start searching?" He asked. When he spotted Naomi, he said hello quietly avoiding all eye contact. She also stays quiet except for saying hello back even when I said goodbye and left with Remus.

* * *

We entered the restricted section of the library within a few minutes, taking in the more dangerous books sitting beside one another on every shelf. It wasn't as big as the normal library and there were much less people but just left the place for Remus and I to raid.

"Naomi's fine with you being a bit furrier once a month by the way, you don't have to be awkward around her. Now you check that side, I'll check this one and if we find anything give a shout" I instructed, leaving Remus standing there alone before he could say anything. As much as I loved Remus (in a brotherly way of course), I didn't want to talk about his other side and how Naomi feels about it. In my opinion, I had spent way to long each week looking for my answers so I was going to use my time wisely to look around. I did hope that Naomi would either find or remember the book about my wand in quickly though so I can at least find what all the history behind it is about.

Skimming along the bookshelf, I read the names of each book aloud but quietly as I tried to find what I was after. I know it wasn't granted that I would find what I was looking for in here but I had a feeling that there was more of a chance in here than back in the original library. Only a couple of the book names stood out to me but when I skimmed through the contents, there was nothing. I knew that there was a chance that my information was in there somewhere but we were kind of on a time limit here, with only a couple of hours until the library shuts for the night I didn't have time to read all the chapters. Besides I think the professors would get a bit suspicious if Remus and I were constantly visiting the Restricted Section.

We continued to search in silence, but I couldn't find much on my side of the room. I didn't know how well Remus was doing over his side (I'm guessing not much either because he hadn't said anything) but he stayed silent, most likely listening to his thoughts which I has a feeling were about Naomi and his furrier side. "Found something" he called after a little while, catching my attention and getting my hopes up. I close up a very useless book and walk over to him, peering over his shoulder at the book he was looking at.

On the top of the page read "Occlumency" in a fancy handwriting and beneath that was an explanation.

Occlumency is like the magical defence of the mind against external penetration. Those practised in the art of Legilimency can enter another person's mind easily and so see when they were lying. Occlumency was the only method by which Legilimency could be repelled. It involved the subject of the Legilimency attack effectively shutting down their own mind so as to prevent access to their thoughts.

"Do you think that's it?" Remus asked quietly, looking up to meet my eyes. I read through it once more but eventually shook my head.

"I don't think so unless someone has been following me around and are particularly skilled at it. Even then, which student actually knows how occlumency is and how to do it well enough to conceal their identity? It has to be something else" I sighed, lifting myself up onto one of the tables and just sitting there. I thought we had our answers but I guess not. How much longer do I have to search just to know what it all is? I've just about had enough for a lifetime. Maybe Naomi will find the wand book quickly and so we will at least get something. Hopefully anyway.

"I'm going back to the Common Room, you coming?" I asked, climbing off the table after a few minutes and placing the now closed book back on the shelf. He nodded and we walk out of the library in silence, once again empty handed.