The Perfect she destroyed

[3rd POV : Tsukimi]

He. was. everything.

Her mind did not even register the people around her anymore, nor does it care the beautiful sight of the city right outside of the transparent glass beside her.

He was the only thing that mattered to her at this moment. She took her seat and gave her order to the waiter to quickly send him away. 

She looked at him and he was beautiful.

Her eyes had never loved a person more. Her vision never found a more perfect sight to perch on.

She wished she could imprint his image on her pupils and iris so that she may see him everywhere, forever.  How amazing would the world be if she saw him everywhere? 

But it was not only her that was looking. He looked at her too.

Her body subconsciously made an effort to look as good as possible. She arched her back to present her breast proudly, she turned her jaw up to reveal her sharp jawline and swan neck, and she tugged her hair behind her ear to showcase more of her pretty face.

Tsukimi was not a stranger to stares. It could be said that if she was somewhere with more than ten people, someone's gaze was always on her.

Even this morning, the eyes of men and women alike always rested on her. 

She hated it. 

But not his. Instead, her body seemed to be begging for him to look at her. She did not even do it intentionally, she was not even aware of it.

Then his lips stretched and his eyes closed. She was stunned looking at his expression.

Was he smiling? Indeed he was.

..

But it was not a smile. It was a mask.

Tsukimi had been depressed ever since she and Yuito had separated. And with her overbearing parents always looming over her, she never saw a happy day since.

So she had learned to smile just like Yuito was doing it now. She knew it very well, it was not a real smile.

But it did not matter to her. She was happy with whatever she could get. 

The real smile he would show her in the past resurfaced in her mind and synced it with the fake smile he had on, in the present.

Now it became a real smile. Yutio was smiling at her again.

Yes, she was delusional, she knew that. But she also knew she was happier when she was delusional.

She looked away but the image of his smile was imprinted on her mind. She closed her eyes and she still saw his smile.

It made her happy.

The waiter returned and put her order on the table. She began eating while she looked to the side where there was a transparent screen that showed the beautiful and busy city outside.

Yet she was not looking at the view, instead, she focused on the reflection of the glass. The reflection of Yuito.

'Hahaha! Lucky.' She thought and giggled in her mind while focusing on his reflection throughout the whole meal.

After he was done eating, she was saddened, thinking that he would leave. But instead, he came towards her,

'Wait what?' She did a double-take at the reflection and realized he was really coming to her.

Her heart hammered at her chest, trying to break her ribs and leap out of her. And at this rate, Tsukimi was afraid it might succeed.

Different emotions boiled inside of her, like someone tossed different feelings inside a blender and mixed it before tossing said blender into a black hole. 

But on the outside, she remained still and aloof. It was something she had learned ever since she became depressed. To appear absolutely stoic to the world ni matter how she felt inside.

And as he came closer and closer, his presence became too big to ignore, so she turned towards him. 

Out of all the emotions she was feeling, certain emotions felt heavier in his presence.

Love, shame, regret and hatred. These made her heart so heavy that it ached with each rapid beat.

Now he stood there, in front of her with the massive silence he brought with him. He looked at her, expecting a greeting.

But she could utter even a single word. Forget about speaking, she was barely keeping herself alive.

He blinked, and this time his blink took longer than normal. It was a sign that he was either disappointed, angry, or annoyed. She had picked up on his small body language long ago and it seemed he still had the same habits.

He smiled. It was the same fake smile and she felt sad. She thought it was tragic that such a smile was on his face because of her.

She only wanted a true smile to be on his face 

"Funny seeing you here, what a coincidence." he said. Wow, his voice was deeper than she remembered.

His voice also had a certain edge to it that she was not familiar with. She would have to listen to his words again to find out what it was.

"How have you been Tsukimi?" 

....oh, she knew it now. He was speaking to her as if she was a stranger.

She swallowed the big lump of pain in her throat and she choked it down as if she had swallowed a huge chunk of meat.

"I'm surprised to see you as well. Long time no see, Yui-." She stopped and quickly corrected herself, "Fujita."

Is that what he was now? She thought to herself. She always referred to him as Yuito in her mind and heart, so calling him Fujita was harder than she thought.

"May I?" He asked, gesturing to the seat opposite to her. She nodded, appearing stoic on the outside.

Only on the outside.

"Ah, it's nice isn't it." He said, pointing at the city through the glass. 

"I came to Korea to participate in an MMA tournament. I never expect to run into you like this." He said.

It was her turn now. She was supposed to jump into the conversation at this moment, saying why she was there. Did she travel, did she move here? etc.

It was the perfect window that Yuito had expertly made, showcasing the new, improved socializing skills he acquired from the most extroverted girl he knew.

Yet she fumbled. She did not jump into the conservation and allowed silence to occupy the space. He gave her a strained smile that made her want to apologize due to being so nervous.

"What about you?" he finally asked.

"We moved here." She replied curtly, her face unchanging. She screamed at herself in her mind.

'That was too fucking short! Get yourself together'

But Yuito was as patient and as understanding as she remembered. He did not give up on her unintentionally rude behavior and persisted.

"You moved? When?" he asked, half faking his interest.

"Around half a year ago."

"Really? That's not too long. How have you adjusted to the culture?" He then switched to Korean, "What about the language? Any problem?"

He was extremely proficient with his Korean, almost as fluent as the locals with no noticeable accent. But it did not surprise her, she remembered he would study other languages when they were kids.

"I felt it has been a long time since we moved here." It felt like an eternity to her since she last saw him. 

"The language is not a problem, it is strikingly similar to Japanese."

"I guess it is indeed similar. I heard they share the same ancestry and all that."  He said, "Have you made friends here?"

And so their conversation continued and even though Tsukimi had trouble at first, she slowly eased up and enjoyed the conversation.

Maybe it's because they had been friends since childhood, that friendship - or at least that familiarity - quickly surfaced again and there were no longer awkward moments.

At one point, her heart stopped aching and the past stopped weighing on her soul. She just enjoyed the present instead of hurting over the past.

She even laughed, the pain was all gone. Everything was alright when he was with her.

But moments don't last forever and Yuito had to go. He needed to go to the stadium where the tournament was going to be held.

They had talked for half an hour. It was the most precious half and hour for her.

Half an hour with him was more precious than half a year without him.

"Sadly I have to leave now." He said with a smile and stood up. He then put out his hand and she shook her hand.

All sorts of memories and feelings emerged with his touch. Her skin felt so much better with him touching it.

"Even with what I said to you the last time we met...."

'I hope we never meet again' Tsukimi recalled. 

She remembered everything that happened and what he said that day vividly.

How could she not, it was the day she commited the greatest mistake of her life.

A day has never passed when she did not think about it.

"It was nice seeing you again." He said, and he smiled. 

This time, it was a true smile, the same honest smile she remembered. It completely stunned her soul and she stopped like a deer caught in headlight.

Then he left. 

Seconds passed and she had not moved an inch. With her posture and face ever so still, tears began streaming down her face.

Her heart twisted inside her chest and it hurts so much that she couldn't even breath. It was choking her.

He left and took everything away with him.

And when everything leaves, there was nothing.

Nothing.

Her whole life became empty again and her heart ached as if a vacuum existed in her chest.

She had never felt worse in a long time.

Although the interaction was fun while it happened, it opened up scars when it ended.

It was akin to giving a sip of water to a person stranded in a desert, reminding her of the things she no longer has.

She felt the barrier between them. She was always either extremely close to him or far from him.

She had never been right in the middle. So close yet so far.

She hated it being there more than being completely separated from him.

Because it reminded her of the thing she lost.

It reminded her of the mistake she made that day.

And

The perfect she destroyed.

.

.

.

Every tears have a story behind them

Hers was that of regret.

She pushed her hands over her chest to ease the pain and amidst the curious onlookers, she put her head down to hide herself.

She wailed in silence.

.

.

[IMAGE]

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