7th July

I had a dream.

I stood, facing darkness.

It was odd, what was I doing here? I tried to look around, but something about the darkness unnerved me. My eyes were drawn to it, as if not able to look away. The darkness drew me closer, threatening to consume me. I could not feel my body in the slightest, the most I could manage was a slight shift of my finger. My heart started to race as I stared into it, what was it? What was going on?

There was no one around me, I was all alone, facing the unending void. Huh, it somehow felt familiar, the darkness, the loneliness.

It drew me closer, trying to make me take a step forward. I stopped myself from doing so, the darkness, the inky blackness before me did not seem safe. It gave off a threatening vibe as if trying to consume my body whole. I tried to step back, but my legs locked as I trembled where I stood, facing it. I wanted to look back, but it was near impossible for me to look away.

I fell back on my butt, staring wide-eyed at the darkness. What scared me was not the darkness, it was what it brought.

Darkness, being alone, I knew that feeling. The first few nights when I was younger, the first time I was admitted into a hospital. The first few nights, my mother had stayed with me since she did not have a job back then. It felt safe, for a short period of time.

Until she had to get a job.

I remembered that first night of me being alone. The heart rate monitor beeping nearby as I stared at the ceiling of the hospital. The groans of pain from the other patients, the whispers to relax them. I remembered hearing all of it. I had steeled myself for when I would be alone, but nothing prepared me for when I was actually left alone, in a foreign place, sick and alone. There were cries, just not from me. The other patients had cried out, loudly.

I simply stared at the ceiling.

Had my mother abandoned me? Was my thought process. She had told me she needed to go to work, but what if she had decided to abandon me? The thought terrified me. As a result, I started tearing up.

Fear. Fear drove people to do many things, including causing mental stress. I experienced it first hand. Wrecked with fear, for many years after that experience, I was quite afraid of the dark. To me, there were monsters watching from behind me whenever I was alone, and my parents were not there.

I thought I had recovered from it, but did I really? As I stared into the void, the darkness that was there yet not, I started to tremble. Those thoughts rushed back into my mind.

What if I'm just a burden after all?

I finally blinked. The next thing I knew, something reached out from the darkness. I stared in horror as the darkness physically reached out to grab me, the darkness forming hands that held on to my arms, torso and neck. I could not wrestle myself away, I could not even move as I felt myself being grabbed. In a single moment, it was like something hit me, and I was falling through the sky.

I opened my eyes, feeling like I just landed on my bed.

My eyes were wide as I stared at the familiar scene of my ceiling. It was pretty dark except for the moonlight. I clutched my chest, my heart beating like crazy. I took a few deep breaths, sitting up, but my heart refused to calm down. I stared around, it was dark, too dark for me. I threw the blanket off as quickly as I could and took long strides to the switch beside my room's door, flicking it on. My room was illuminated brightly by the newly replaced lightbulb my father had gotten. I breathed a sigh of relief, feeling my rapid heartbeat in my throat.

I sat back down on my bed, looking at the clock. I felt like screaming, what kind of nightmare did I just have? The image, the inky blackness so thick that I could quite literally feel it touch me, constricting me, choking me. I rubbed my neck, my heart still not calming down.

I took another shaky breath and arranged my thoughts, putting the nightmare aside. I looked at the clock, reading the time. I had woken up early, about an hour earlier than normal. I turned my alarm clock off in advance before standing at my full height, walking towards the door. I was thinking about getting a glass of water, yeah, I think that would help calm my nerves.

I wrapped my fingers around the doorknob of my room's door, hesitating. Outside, it was going to be dark, I did not want to go out there, I did not want to see the darkness in front of me. I pulled my arm back, taking half a step back.

What was I doing? I have already gone through this motion so many times in the past, I was used to it. So what was this emotion I was feeling? This bottomless, this unreasonable fear? I tried to steel myself, nothing was there, there was nothing there at all.

I took a deep breath and wrapped my shaking fingers around the doorknob once again. The metal doorknob was cold to the touch as I turned my arm, slowly, my arm shaking violently. All my nerves were on high alert as I pulled the door towards me, peeking out.

There, standing as tall as the ceiling, was an ugly beast.

I slammed the door shut instantly, pressing my back against the door, sliding down into a sitting position. I stared at the white floors of my room, my mind running wild. What was I doing? And what did I just see?

A beast, of wrinkled dark green skin, with boils and hair sticking out at several places. It stood as tall as the apartment room was tall. Its eyes were yellow, with black slits for eyelids, staring directly at me when I had opened the door. It wore nothing but a piece of cloth over its waist, exposing the round stomach it had. Its nose was long and wrinkled, kind of like it had several layers. It was bald, with only a few strands of hair sticking out of its head. Its mouth was open, drooling, showing the oversized, crooked teeth.

What was that thing? My heart pounded harder than ever. I shook my head, it shouldn't exist, such a thing would not exist to begin with. I got up on my feet, slowly and shakily, I opened the door again, peeking out. Just as I thought, the beast was no longer there, I closed the door again, breathing a sigh of relief. It didn't exist, of course, something as horrific as what I saw would not exist, how would it?

I did not leave my room afterwards.

When the sun started to rise, I was at my table, sketching to relax my mind. My father had opened my door, looking inside at me, asking, "Are you not supposed to be going to school now?"

"Oh, right." I replied in low spirits.

I got up and went to the bathroom to finish up my business before taking a quick shower, changing into my uniform. It was not too late, I would not be too late for school. When I was done, I stood behind the sofa, my father casually sipping his coffee.

"Are you not going to have breakfast?" He asked me.

I looked at the plate on the table, not really seeing anything on it. I shook my head while putting my shoes on. "No, I don't think I will."

I stepped outside the house, saying, "I'll be going off now."

"Have a good day." My father said as I walked away.

On the bus, I sat by the window, seeing my vague reflection on the glass. The bus was mostly empty, only having me and a few others. It was odd, was it not rush hour? Should there be more people on the bus this early in the day? I stopped thinking about it, it was just a coincidence.

But that emptiness felt odd, like someone, or something was watching me from behind. I turned back, seeing nothing but a sleeping figure in the last row of the bus. I calmed myself and looked out the window, staring at the scenery to distract myself.

I felt a chill up my spine as I felt something wrapping their fingers around my shoulders. I shivered, the feeling disappearing. I was sweating, which was unusual since I wasn't feeling hot in the slightest, in fact, I felt pretty cold. I took a deep breath, my leg shaking and tapping the ground as I wished for the bus to speed up.

Next thing I knew, I was in the class, seated at my seat. The loud chatter and messy movements put my mind at ease. I sat down, too distracted to notice that someone had taken a seat in front of me.

"Good morning." Red told me.

"Oh, um… good morning." I replied, surprised that he had just appeared in front of me.

He seemed like his usual self, he was talking about shows again. He seemed really interested in shows, which I myself could never really get into. I listened as he went on and on about a show, until he paused, as if a thought just popped into his head. He snapped his fingers and looked me in the eyes.

"Y'know, I found out about this thing where apparently if you blow out the candles of a birthday cake before you make a wish, the wish will definitely never come true?" He said.

"Really?" I asked, not particularly interested.

"Yeah, I saw it on the tele." He said excitedly. "So later, will you be coming over to my place?"

"I think I will." I confirmed.

He seemed delighted by my reply. The conversation was forced to end abruptly as the bell rang to signal the start of the lessons. I sat down at my seat, staring in front, trying my best to listen in class. It occurred to me that the exams were going to be tough for me since I never actually went to school for a year. I needed to learn as much as I could, and ace this finals exam to move on to the third year of high school.

I was thinking, if I managed to finish education as quickly as I could, I could get myself a job. A job can help out any financial burden on my family, and maybe my mother will be able to rest. The more I thought about it, the more I was inclined towards pursuing it. That is if my health could keep up.

Classes passed with nothing out of the ordinary happening. Maybe a few jokes by the students and teachers, but none of them made me laugh. I was there, the rest of the class did not seem to acknowledge that I was there.

Lunch break arrived.

Red had come up to me again, and he had an apologetic look on his face. He put his hands together and bowed exaggeratedly, saying, "Sorry, but I need to run an errand for a teacher real quick!"

I nodded, and ran off, shouting behind him, "I'll be right back!"

I sat there, not really knowing what to do. I played with my fingers, interlocking them and gripping my two hands into a fist before releasing them. I myself was not sure what exactly I was doing, but it helped relieve my boredom slightly.

"You really are here!" I heard a familiar voice.

In front of me, stood a girl. Her pink hair was flowing past her shoulders, and she wore a pink uniform. How she got permission for such a thing, I was unsure. She seemed to have gotten some makeup, getting a few pink spots under her eyes, her eyes themselves pink. She had lowered herself while standing, her hand flat and put above her eyes like she was trying to spot something from far away. Her other hand was behind her, a cheeky smile on her face.

"Did you miss me?" She asked, winking.

This time, the class seemed to have almost disappeared in the background. As if time paused, it was just the two of us having a conversation. I looked at her, and she stood straight up, sitting down on the chair Red would have sat on. She bounced on her seat as she seemed to think about something.

"Did you find your dad that day?" She asked me. "I mean, yesterday."

"Ah, I did… thank you." I replied, not sure how to speak with Pink.

She seemed easy to get along with. She was social and seemed to not care about my social status or appearance.

"No one in the class wants to talk to me." She continued, still smiling. "Can you talk to me instead?"

"Oh… sure…" I said back.

She started rattling on about some things I had no idea what she was talking about. Something about having to take care of a younger sibling, or a cactus. I partially paid attention to her, thinking to myself about why a girl would be talking to me of all people. Did I not seem moody, unapproachable to her? Did I not seem like a lost cause to her? So why, why after looking at me did she still approach me?

"One time, my brother s-" She was saying before stopping herself.

Pink turned to look around. I tried looking at where she was looking, not particularly seeing anyone before seeing a flash of red. Red walked up to me. I looked back at the seat Pink sat on, the girl herself already gone and lost with the crowd. I looked as Red sat down with a sigh.

"That took longer than I expected." He complained. "Sorry, our lunch is about to end."

"Don't worry about it." I told him, almost instinctively.

He nodded and waved my comment aside. "Anyways, do you have enough money for bus rides? My place isn't too far."

"I think I should."

"Great, I'll approach you after lessons end, do t move until then."

Lessons continued and ended, faster than I would expect. I stared blankly at my table, looking at my thin fingers. I waited there, almost like a stone statue with how little I moved. I waited, and eventually, heard a few taps on my desk.

I looked up, and Red was looking at me.

"Let's go."

I remember little, if not none of the bus ride, I could only recall Red talking to me, and my attempts at a reply. But for the actual content of the interaction, none of it stuck.

The bus stopped.

I looked outside the window, standing. It seemed like a nice place, there were houses lined side to side, stretching out further than I could see. Like an infinite lane, though I knew it was not. He led me, walking up the street from the bus stop, passing by houses. The houses seemed similar, a similar pale colour, the similar structure, all of them looking like they were copy-pasted from one another.

Until we reached the house where Red stopped at. I looked at it, astounded and amazed. Despite it being the same height as the other houses, it seemed tall and daunting. Maybe because I lived in an apartment, and a whole house seemed much too big. The roofs were red, and much like the man Red himself, the house was painted mostly red. It seemed odd, for a house to stand out so much amongst the row of lifeless houses.

"This is my home," Red told me. "I think my mom should be home, do greet her if you meet her."

"Got it."

We walked in, Red saying as he took off his shoes, "I'm home!"

I took my shoes off too, wearing my socks as I stepped into the house.

"S-Sorry of the intrusion," I said as I did.

There was no reply to us, only an awkward silence. I tried not to act improperly by looking around too much. I followed Red's lead, walking behind him, our footsteps muffled by our socks. He led me up a flight of stairs, which to me, was something I had never seen before. People had stairs in their houses? I walked up, the wooden stairs producing something like a creak with every other step.

Red got up the stairs, making a sharp left turn and opening a door. The door was red, and that was about it.

I walked in.

Contrary to what I expected, the walls were actually white. Everything else, the bed, shelves and clock were all red. I stared at the black television that was also in the room. Was the one I was seeing the only television in his house? Unless his family had several.

Red asked me, "Do you want a drink?"

"Oh… um, I'll take water?"

He left the room for a few seconds and returned, handing me a plastic bottle of water. I stared at it blankly as he sat on his bed. I stood as he clicked the remote in his hand, the television lighting up.

"You can sit." He told me.

I did just that, sitting on the ground. Red laid on his belly on his bed, his chin resting on his palm. He told me, "Yeah, about that show, I recorded it in the past, so we can watch it."

"Sure thing."

The show played, and I will admit, I was interested in it. I understood why people would like it, I liked it too, but some parts made no sense to me, like how a character would act or how a character spoke. Red did a good job of explaining all there was for me to know instead of letting me think through on my own. Honestly, I understand his good intentions, but it was ruining my experience.

Red struck up an odd conversation.

It was at a boring scene where two characters were talking about what they had done that day. Red, also bored out of his mind, asked me, "I saw you talking to that girl during lunch."

"Her?" I asked, Pink in mind.

"Yeah." He confirmed. "Not many people in the class talk to her."

I wonder why. She seemed easy to talk to, I think she would get along amazingly with most people. So why was she alone despite being so adept at interaction? I really wanted to know, and Red seemed to know.

"Really?" I asked, trying to push the conversation forward, but failing.

"Yeah, heard she's a real slut." He stared plainly.

I was understandably shocked at how he had just stared at it. So plainly, like it was common sense, common sense that she was a… I would rather not say that word. Red seemed to know about it, but refused to elaborate further. I decided not to pursue the topic any longer as well, fearing that it might get awkward.

"Hey, this part here! It's really nice!" Red said, a sudden burst of energy.

I proceeded to watch a single man knocking down five armed opponents by himself with nothing but a single ruler. It was interesting, if I had watched it myself though, I doubted I would have watched until the end. A few episodes passed, and Red had to stop. He sighed, almost sounding like he was disappointed.

"My dad's coming home soon, so you'll need to go now." He told me, an apologetic look on his face. "Would have liked to watch the show all night long though."

"It's really nice," I commented.

"I know, right?"

I was seen to the door, and he waved me off as I walked towards the bus stop again, walking past the lifeless houses once again. I sat at one of the bus stop's benches, looking out. The sun was setting, without doubt, if my parents were to arrive home before me, they would definitely be worried. I stared into the distance, the orange light of the sunset hitting my face. I covered my eyes, my eyes hurting.

The bus rides home were uneventful.

I reached my home and unlocked the door, opening it to see my father sitting at the same spot as when I left the house. He was waiting there, packaged food in front of him and in front of the seat across from him, my seat. My mother was not there besides my father.

"I'm home." I said as I stepped in.

"Welcome back." My father said to me. "Go shower, and we'll have dinner together."

"Where is mother?" I asked him, looking around.

"She crashed." He told me. "Recently, she's been pretty stressed at work."

"Oh… I see."

I went to shower, changing into my sleeping clothes before sitting across my father, my hair still damp from the shower. We ate in silence, not really talking about much until my father started a conversation.

"How was it?" He asked. "Visiting a friend's place."

I thought about it. Being able to spend time with someone I deemed a friend felt different, it was something I had never experienced before. I was unsure of how to reply but tried to give as honest a reply as possible.

"It was… fun." I said to my father, not looking up at him, concentrating on the food before me.

I am unsure why, but I could feel that he was smiling. I looked up, he smiled differently from the smiles of those around me. Red and Pink, he smiled differently from them. In his eyes was not really joy, but rather, something more like pride, or maybe some sadness, I was unsure. I looked back down at my food, not really feeling like seeing a grown man cry.

"That's good…" He said softly. "That's good."

Later that night, I sat in my room. So much had happened today. I went to a friend's place for once in my life, and I managed to get by without accident. It seemed nice, to have a day where I could talk to those I have talked with before. Red was as much a friend as ever, and Pink was still shrouded in mystery for me. What Red said about Pink concerned me, and I really wanted to know more. Thinking about it, maybe I could visit her on the upcoming Saturday, where she would be at the park, I think.

I laid down on my bed. The fun I had, the feeling in my chest, as if I was floating in the air. What happened today made me forget about the irrational fear I felt earlier today. I closed my eyes, ready to sleep.

Beep… Beep… Beep…

I really liked days like today or days like yesterday. I could experience things I had never experienced because of my sickness. I made at least one friend, I think. I went over to his house to hang out, it sure was a new experience, I think I quite like this feeling.

I hope more days like these were to come…

Beep… Beep… Beep…