Comments of chapter undefined of Pokemon - Solo's Strange Journey
Pokemon - Solo's Strange Journey
BenisBoy14
Chapter comments11
I think you have some big holes in your character here. I believe I get what you’re going for - bookish nerd with a whimsical worldview gets thrown in the deep end. But some stuff just isn’t lining up, as made evident in this chapter. If his dad is so sure he has trained his son to survive in the wild, to the point he takes away all camping comforts, then why is this Swole’s first time in the wild and why does he have no idea what to do? If Swole is a bookish nerd who is always reading, and who made it some way into a history involving Hisui, then he would be VERY aware of how violent Pokemon can be and where humanity sits in the food chain. That is the early story of Hisui. So why is he so ignorant? You might say it is because he ignored his parents’ warnings, but I would say he would have read about it hundreds of times. If you say he didn’t read about it then I would raise an eyebrow skeptically and ask then why his parents believed him ready to risk his life if they saw him ignoring their lessons and never let him practice. FFS he had never seen a pokemon battle not on TV if I am reading this right. All that to say: I strongly recommend you clean up a few sentences in the first few chapters so the inconsistencies don’t jump off the page. As it stands this reads like a person who should be dead and it is both their and their parents’ faults for doing zero preparation, and I don’t think that’s your intent in a story with a light tone?
I read the first 2 chapters again, and while I really appreciate your criticism, I have to say that you are wrong about (almost) everything. The father is clearly characterized as a person who doesn't believe in comfort. He's tough and covered in scars. Comfort isn't a thing he concerns himself with. In addition to that, both tents and lighters would have gotten MC killed because the pokemon would have spotted him. MC knows what to do in the wilderness and he proves it with his survival skills. MC is aware of the danger of pokemon. He says it himself over and over again. But there is a difference between "knowing" and "understanding". His "ignorance" is just "innocence". Would he have read about it hundreds of times? SPOILERS say no. This is an assumption you made that just isn't true and there is not a single paragraph in the first 2 chapters that supports the claim that he read about the dangers somewhere. He saw practice matches between strong pokemon and he saw battles on TV. No deaths occur in either of them and they aren't "spats of dominance" either; Unlike the first and second encounter with Starly. There are no inconsistencies. Not a single event should have killed him. Except maybe the fat Bidoof - which is an unnatural occurrence that nobody could have predicted. And it's not MC's "parents'" fault. It's MC's father's fault. The mother is absent in the first 2 chapters. I really think you went in this with some wrong preconceptions. Especially the "light tone" comment hints to that. The Synopsis talks about the "end of the world" and "struggling to save everything". I hope you will still continue reading. The fic is very worthwhile to read, I swear.
