Comments of chapter undefined of GAME DEVELOPER SYSTEM

I think your story is good and has a lot of potential, however, I cannot help but give you a small critique that might help you improve your writing. 1: Don't overly detail the emotions of the characters. In one paragraph, you repeated several times that the woman knew how beautiful she was and was surprised that the man wasn't paying attention to her. 2: Your narration is a bit deficient in some aspects. I'm not sure if it's written in first or third person or if it's an omniscient narrator. 3: The dialogue feels very artificial, as if they were generated by an AI, lacking any soul. It doesn't even seem like people are talking. Lastly, I would recommend showing, not telling, improving descriptions, detailing environments more, and ensuring your characters remain consistent with their personalities previously shown. Keep going with your story, I think it has a lot of potential. Just try to improve as these are some errors that I also have and try to solve.

Thanks for the chapter. And please don't forget the Game Maker System. By the way, how many extra chapters does the top 5 generate? It's already in the top 4, it doesn't hurt to add the amount of extra chapters you're going to post for being in the top 5.

Nice chap thanks but dont forget your other fanfic

See this! I just gifted the story: Magic castle

At first he says that exclusive games are no-no, and after a minute he agrees to create one. Bruh

His next game should have all weapons like Skyrim or SOL, Gears of War, Borderlands, Devil may cry, Overwatch, Assassins Creed, League of Legends

yo what happened to your other novel . game maker system in marvel . you haven't updated it in a while

I want to see him develop the dark souls series. Or fate franchise

Can’t for player reaction to mommy Dimitrescu 😩

See this! I just gifted the story: Luxury car

Can you do the Mass effect Series in the future

Thanx for the chapter, Author-san (^~^)

Love it

Thanks for the chapter.

Thanks for the chapter 👍🤩👍🤩👍🤩

See this! I just gifted the story: Pizza

See this! I just gifted the story: Ice cola

Thanks for the chapter, Author.

👍👍👍👍