Comments of chapter undefined of A Knight's Honour
A Knight's Honour
BunnyStar
Chapter comments16
Hmmm. The first chapter set up a lot, and I like it, but I believe it could've benefited from some world building. we know they're nights, but we don't see the type of world they're set in. Medieval? Japanese-inspired? I gues the next chapter will answer those questions. As for the sibling interaction and other characters. They could use some...polish. They spoke a bit awkwardly, and that kinda broke emersion, and the bit with the herbalist could've used more love. Despite all that, it's still a fantastic start.
one chapter in, I could point out several things that need to be improved. I hope you take this in good humour; I'd have appreciated more details about the world and the time line itself. where are we, what are we doing. some showing not telling is strongly needed, otherwise no matter how many times you say things will change, nothing would be same again etc, the reader would feel no connection to the dangers looming closer. second thing is the dialogue. Some phrases look weird to be dialogues, like why would people talk to each other that way? some phrases do not suit the situation. Also, despite being knights these two characters give out a really childish vibe. Itâs almost like two kids, probably twelve and eight respectively found another kid injured and saved him.
