thewhitesnow
I see the potential so far. but as someone who hasn't reached when the story "gets good" the introductory chapters need a bit of a rewrite.
writing a second reply because the first one doesn't explain well. the internal dialogue about the prophecy can generally be cut out and improve the story, as it leaves the players in suspense about "Why rio?"and so connect with him when he specifically asks lia because she has made a special vow not to harm him
thewhitesnow:proofread, Grammer, or the dialogues and other stuff ? I have rewrote first three to fix grammar but didn't change dialogues...