Comments of chapter undefined of DanMachi: in Freya Familia with Bleach System
DanMachi: in Freya Familia with Bleach System
magnet_release
Chapter comments53
man you really are an idiot... do you really expect to write like a pro from the get go? let me tell ya somethin This aint how it works dude personal experience, at the start you will feel it's horrible, because it seems that you can never write exactly how the scene plays in your mind also personal experience, your writing isn't bad, I have seen way worst from good authors focus on your plot, because the writing quality is your Development Ability, it gets better over time *Mentally pats myself in the back for that analogy*
not as familiar with the Danmachi background story as i should be, but is it really necessary to already be diving into yet another big plot (IE - whatever this vampire is doing?). Half the story was already eaten up by this rescue plot, and they're still all like 7 years old. Feels like you're front-loading things when they're extremely young to the point it'll take 200 chapters to get to canon start.
so, I saw the new cover, and hated it lol, jk but the photoshop wasn't that good, and I didn't like that Meteria was basucally half nak*d there, so I made my own anyway, it doesn't look good and the quality is dubious, but I made this on my phone in like, 1 hour and something so give me a break, eh? if you use it, just gimme dem credits on the synopsis, if you don't then I'll just sulk somewhere...
The writing quality is pretty good actually but the pacing is a little slow. They are still 7 and unfortunately, there isn’t really a lot you can have a 7-year-old, believably do. The vampire plot also seems as if it will take a fair few chapters to play out and by the end of it, they will still be 7, so...
(I never wrote a comment or a review but here I go) I really do hope that you don’t discontinue this story because it’s actually pretty good, not many grammar issues and I can understand what is going on unlike some other stories on here… But you shouldn’t compare yourself to these other “famous” or “popular” stories, these popular stories or at least most of the ones I read and drop(around 1m views) always end up dissapointing me, like trash MCs and things like that, but here I don’t really see that. Not sure if this means a lot but last time I check I had like 500+ hours on here, but I don’t mainly read here, I also read on things like wattpad(most fanfic quality there also bad but few good ones) and i mainly read on ficfiction.net where many of the stories are high quality and I can say your story belongs in that website. Overall if you write future stories with ideas like these I would read them, I hope you are able to read this and get the encouragement to write more and continue this story ^_^
The Deathdealing (致死量 (ザ・デスディーリング), Za Desudīringu; Japanese for "Lethal Dose"): Askin can calculate the "perfect lethal dose" (完全致死量, kanzen chishiryō)—the amount that will cause death without fail—of any substance he takes into his body (primarily by ingestion) and then raise or lower that value as he sees fit, inducing a lethal dosage of that substance in those around them.[48] In order to facilitate the lethal dose, he needs to consume a great amount of whatever it is he wants to manipulate into his body.[49] For example by consuming blood, he can decrease the lethal dosage of the blood in his opponent's body, thus making it fatal to them.
